Letting Go

      I stare at the arm hooked on mine, so strong and firm, it's an arm any girl would be proud to be attached to. As my gaze travels to his face I let out a breath of frustration I didn't even know I was holding in. His face, though beautiful and sharp, isn't the one I would so greatly wish to be facing at this moment. I lower my head so my date doesn't recognize the disappointment taking form in my eyes. We make a slow saunter towards the dance floor, getting used to each other's movements. But then I see him, spinning across the room with a blonde bombshell in his arms.

        Any chance of happiness I might have had tonight has been torn viciously from my arms. My sharp intake of breath indicates my shame, it colors my cheeks and inhabits the air I breathe. You'd think by now that the pain would have faded, that the memory would be a blank sheet in my mind. But I can still feel the breeze against my cheek as he whispered words of sweet promise, smell the earthy scent of his cologne when he said I was the one, and feel the words almost like a slap in the face when he said it had all been a dream, at least for me. That shatters me out of my reverie, and almost like nothing ever happened, I tighten my grip on my date's now bruised arm, and finally let the music take me. Everything else blurs into oblivion as I dip and twirl, spin and whirl. My partner murmurs what an amazing dancer I am, and all I can do is smile. I am a Goddess,  ethereal  and untouchable by time. Unhampered by the cruelties of life and bound by freedom.

        Just as my fantasy becomes reality the music ends, and I am a normal girl again, sad and angry but unfortunately not alone, so I cannot revel in my new found despair. I carelessly brush the hair out of my face and ask the awed individual in front of me to grab me a drink. I sit down and see him gazing at me from across the hall, I quickly glance away, determined to have a good time. The rest of the afternoon is a haze, full of too bright lights and too much laughter for my heart to take. It's like the rest of the world has left my darkened soul behind, remaining happy and oblivious as to how I felt, continuing on without me. He sits across the room with the rest of the world, alive and free. I then realize that we might as well be strangers in a small town of about 100 people, though we have known each other for years. I guess that is how life is, you take what you can get and move on, never looking back on that crooked road of mistakes.                                                                  .      Much later, I lie awake in my bed, too exhausted to have even removed my makeup or dress. I contemplate a future that must be better than this. Annoyingly I realize that my phone must have received 11 messages by now; all from him I know. I think about ignoring them, then realize that to forget him I must forgive. I won't forgive him enough to ever be with him again, but it will ease my pain a little by having him as a friend. My hand hovers hesitantly in the air before I pick up the phone...