Living Hell

This is a true story. i will change names to protect the ones i love.

I was born the sixth of six kids.We lived in a small house my dad built from a one room shanty.My sister brandy and i shared a room.And my 4 brothers shared one.Mom and dad drank, a lot. And that left Lilly home with the others.She was beaten all the time.By one brother more than the others. He seemed to enjoy inflicting pain on me.He walked in the living room one day and he kicked me so hard in the stomach.My mom was sight there behind me when he did it.I couldn't breathe.My mom yelled,, why did u just kick her for no reason?? [and he said i didn't do anything.]

Another day mom sent me to the tree house for the boys to come to dinner looked up at the tree and hollers for them to come eat.When Tommy said[If you don't leave i pee on your head] She says ,,[mom said come eat] And he peed right on my head. I ran screaming to my mom , pee dripping from my head,and again he denied it.

One time i hid under my Aunties pine tree from him.He grabbed a board and poked me so hard.Auntie came running out yelling,,[you leave her alone, I am tired of watching you beat on this little girl.

He chased me through the house and as i tried to run out the door , he grabbed me and threw me into the driveway of gravel on my face.I lay there not able to breathe and in so much pain.I heard my brother Timmy run out and grab Tommy and he defended me.H said [ why do you hurt her like that? she just a little girl.]

He walked over and picked me up.Tears in his eyes he said,,[ its ok honey tim tim here.don't listen to him when he calls you fat and ugly.When you grow up you're going to be a knockout.you will be so beautiful .

From the 1st memories of my life i was touched and made to touch men .There wasn't just 1 that abused me sexually.There were 3 . It was normal to me.It's the only attention or affection i ever known.As i got older it started to feel wrong.But i was so afraid to tell anyone because i thought it was my fault.Once i was at the house of 1 of the 2 main men that hurt me.He had a daughter same age as me. And all i could think about was ,, If he does those things to me when he was around,, what happened to her when he did it to her.I felt so sorry for her.I never knew it was wrong.I remember saying to my dad when he asked me to go to the store with him,[ Daddy i don't want to go to the store , please daddy ]  [.He would say go honey ,, he buy you candy]

My brother Cal called me a little whore when my sisters boyfriend molested me and he caught him. Not him..Me..And i hated so much the shame i felt.I learned to hide very well at a very young age. I would hide in the crawlspace above the living room , I would climb a tree and watch from the woods.Or under the house with the dogs.I would run to snoopy,s dog house when i was afraid.He went after anyone that tried to hurt me when i was in his box.He knew i needed help.He would look so sad as i cried all my secrets to him.

At school i was teased so bad.Every day. They say ,,Hey Miller scum,Hey scum bucket,Hey dirt bag. .Every single day. If i wasn't suffering at home, I was suffering through hell at school. Never a friend , or any want to even speak to me.They all looked at me so disgusted.I hated school. I skipped every single day and hung out on the railroad tracks ,

I am going to stop here , This is very draining on me.I need breathers. i post more asap