Maybe that struggle you're going through is mean to work out for your good

When I was younger, I use to always hear teachers, loved ones, and strangers say that we would have to be prepared for "the real world" but no one ever went into detail.  It's not like I would have understood what they were saying back then but I was quite advanced at such a young age.  I've ALWAYS been this intelligent young lady but even my intelligence couldn't help me understand why I ended up in this situation that I'm in. 

I loved school growing up, it was I guess the one place I found peace but I never really planned for college and I guess that caught up with me.  I graduated with a 3.5 and I was astounded and I would be attending Philander Smith College in the fall of 2011 but I had to leave at the end of December because of my financial aid.  Well, I think it was a matter of choice based on what I was looking at and reality because they told me I would have to leave and the next day everything all of a sudden got fixed. 

So, I've been trying to get back into college ever since but no success and I don't understand why.  Well, I got into Coahoma Community College but I had to leave there because of financial aid once again so after that I just figured that maybe God had other plans for me.  I tried and tried to figure out what was going on because I was finally away from all of the negativity that I grew up around whether it was family, friends, or both but then I had to come back.  I had to wonder what was God planning because I thought that he didn't put us into situations to be tempted to do anything against his word. 

That's when I realized that maybe he brought me back was to get me to look at things from a different perspective before I advanced to that next level that he was going to take me.  I had to face my past so that it wouldn't later show up in my future and I am learning and moving forward.

Then, I finally get to go to the doctor because my legs had been hurting since I was a child but the doctor I was going to then said it was "growing pains" so I believe him.  I was a child back then but then I started having major headaches, arm pain, back pain, tingling in hands and feet, losing hair, and etc, so I went to another doctor. 

People kept telling me that it was all in my head and that the reason I was losing hair was because I was stressed.  I was but that wasn't the cause because I went to another doctor and she said that I have lupus and everything started to make sense.  She did however tell me that I needed a second opinion so I'm patiently waiting to get it. 

The worst part about all of that is that so many people have walked out of my life including family and friends.  I was sad about that but I'm not anymore because that to me means that they weren't real in the first place and they didn't deserve to be in my life.  It still hurts to think about it though because I had told all of my "friends" about me might having lupus and it was only one person that checked on me all of the time. 

I texted one friend trying to make sure she was okay and she said yeah then she asked if I was so I said yeah but I was in pain.  She was like, "What's wrong with you again?"  It was at that moment that I finally realized that she wasn't a real friend because lupus is serious and I take my friendships VERY seriously. 

I've been through hell and I do mean hell so I'm just trying to figure everything out because I refuse to live another year like this.  In my opinion, If you're not living life fully then you're dying every single day that you don't so if there's something you need to do then do it.  I was so hesitant to make any plans or choices because I figured I'd fail but now I'm working on books, articles, I'm going to take this life coaching course, I'm starting a non-profit organization, and etc.  So, I believe that God allowed me to go through all of this so that I can be strong enough, confident in myself enough, and empowered enough to move forward and help someone else through what I've been through. 

You have to see that maybe what you're going through is going to help you in ways that you will not understand right now but later you will......