MELISSA 2

Prologue
Hi, my names Melissa. Talk about a hard life.  Nine months ago I had lost my memory due to a lack of oxygen to my brain due to my previous boyfriend’s hands being around my neck. You see he tried to strangled me to within an inch of my life. I still have nightmares to this day. Sometimes I wake in cold sweats envisioning the rage that shone back from his cold eyes that night as he squeezed the life from my fragile body. That happened nine months ago to this very day. I will never forget that tragic year as I lost both my boyfriends.  James was the love of my life but he was cruelly taken away from me; murdered in a rage of jealously from my previous boyfriend mark who took it upon himself to smash his head against a dirty men’s room floor. Consequently he died from his injuries as my ex bounced his head off the floor causing his skull to crack. He died all alone in that dirty place as he slowly drowned in his own blood from severe haemorrhaging. Mark on the other hand died from his own stupidity. His stupidity being he couldn’t keep his fists to himself and karma finally bit him on the ass. You see he tried to throw me down the stairs; luckily for me I managed to grab hold of his dressing gown and take him with me and fortunately for me he broke my fall. Mark on the other hand the poor bastard broke his leg and also his neck resulting in his death. The coroner ruled differently and stated he’d died accidently from a fall as he tripped and fell down the stairs resulting in a broken neck. Well that’s his opinion but we know different don’t we readers? We know the real truth. Do you mind if we keep this little secret to ourselves? You wouldn’t want me to go to prison now would you? After all, that bastard deserved it for taking my poor James away from me. James and I had only met a few times but we had an instant connection and when we touched it was like white hot electricity that flowed through our veins. He was so gentle, his touch was divine and his magic fingers had me covered in goose bumps as he ran them over my baby soft skin. Hmm, I can still imagine them now running the full length of my back as we lay on our sides staring into each other’s eyes. Oh how I miss you James. Well that’s the past, onwards and upwards. I can’t mourn him forever; although I will never forget him because he left me a passing gift. Yes, I’m going to give birth shortly to his son. A prodigy of a man I loved with all my heart. A real man; he would make me so proud if he were to grow up and be like his father. You never know he might take after his father and follow in his footsteps and become a bestselling author. Honestly though I have this feeling with his surroundings he’s going to grow up to be just like his dad.

Chapter 1
New Beginnings

It’s 2015; nine months ago I had everything a loving partner, a beautiful house but now that’s all gone. My beautiful house still lies in ruins burnt to the ground curtsy of my new friend Jill who took it upon herself to set in on fire in the hope marks body would be burnt beyond recognition and his cause of death wouldn’t be able to be determined. You see I didn’t mean to kill the stupid man, all he had to do was let me go but no, he had to continue to manipulate me playing the doubting boyfriend as my memories washed away in a sea of haze as I lay in that hospital bed trying to make sense of what was real and what wasn’t. I will hold my hands up though when I found out he killed James I so wanted to kill him. I hated him so much, he made my skin crawl but I didn’t kill him it was generally an accident, at best I’d get manslaughter. I’m certainly no murder although if they had asked me if he deserved it I would have had to bite down hard on my tongue as every ounce of me would have been crying out “yes he was an evil bastard.”
Anyway that was then this is now. I now live with Jill and Seth in the mansion; I eat breakfast everyday overlooking lush green pastures as the suns rays beam through the giant windows cascading down on my bare feet as I sip my tea while watching the sun rise high into the sky. It’s a beautiful sight you have to be were I’m sitting to appreciate Mother Nature at her best.  Rabbits dart out of the thick bracken, occasionally being chased by the oh so cunning red fox that snaps at the heels of our fluffy friend as they dart left and right trying to evade certain death. I know how that rabbit feels because that was my life a year ago but it wasn’t a fox chasing me it was something much, much worse.
Hey its fine don’t you start feeling sorry for me my life is definitely on the up, I mean just look around you this place is amazing. Seth is amazing, he makes my breakfast every day and brings it to my room, he’s a real godsend, he literally tends to my every waking needs, well not all, I have a buzzy friend for certain needs.
I often sit on my rocking chair that overlooks the wolds and imagine the tip of my vibrator as James’s tongue. I know what you’re thinking; I should be over him by now and your probably right but it’s just not that easy to forget someone you loved with all of your heart. Oh come on I am sure you have loved and lost at some point in your life and I’m sure at some point you have fantasized while pleasuring yourself that they are still with you to make you climax quicker or is that just me, really!  I doubt that, I think we have some readers not being entirely truthful. Are you seriously telling me you haven’t imagined his head between your legs as you rub the tip of either your vibrator or finger against that peas sized pleasure spot we call a clit, oh come on your fooling nobody I know its not just me so come on be truthful. Hands up if you’ve fantasised about a previous partner, whether it be from death or you just fell out of love, hmmm that’s better, see you can be honest, its nothing to be ashamed of I assure you, sometimes we have to fantasise to make the day ahead more bearable.
I will be honest with you though, since being pregnant not much of the way of fantasies has been happening, what with the morning sickness draining me every day  and the constant heartburn funnily I don’t seem to be in the mood the only time I seem to pleasure myself is when I don’t have a choice, maybe this next part is just me I don’t know but when I haven’t been stimulated for a while I kind of get this itch that needs to be scratched otherwise it keeps on grinding away until I do. Do any of you suffer from that? Phew I was beginning to think I wasn’t normal thanks for that.
Well I can’t sit here all day looking at this beautiful view, I better move my fat ass, yeah that’s the trouble with being pregnant gone are my lovely curves, my breasts have doubled in size and my ass resembles j’lo’s although I can’t shake it like she does. My legs feel like I’m carrying a sack of potatoes, I don’t walk anymore I’d call it more of a waddle as I try my best to support my back. From the front I resemble a humped back whale; truly I’m not kidding you I am frigging huge. 
I just hope all the heartburn and morning sickness is worth it? Nah I’m just kidding, of course it will be worth it, don’t mind me I’m just feeling sorry for myself as my body has changed so much. My belly resembles a crumpled up road map, I have so many stretch marks, having a baby really does wreck that perfect body you have come to love so much although I do find myself looking at my reflection in the mirror rubbing my overgrown belly. It’s funny though, maybe funny isn’t the right word more like magical, the other day I was staring at my reflection and I saw his hand or maybe it was his foot extend and protrude from my stomach I watched in amazement as my skin stretched out then relaxed as he withdrew his foot. 
I have often wondered what he does in there all day to keep himself occupied, it must be so boring. He’s got more patience than me that’s for sure. If you’d locked me up in a small room for nine months I’d be climbing the walls for sure. Maybe it’s the sounds inside of me that lull him; maybe they sing him a soft lullaby that keeps him tranquil or maybe it’s the sounds of the outside world that keep him transfixed and calm.
Hang on a minute you will have to excuse me I think I’m going to be sick. Yep I just felt a large compressed lump ease up and its sitting at the back of my throat be back in a tick.
Phew that’s better, yes I know I look a bit pasty but what do you expect I’ve just emptied my entire gut, sorry for the visual but I have.
Well its going on for 10am now I’d better get a shower and throw some clothes on, today I’m going to the hospital with my birthing partner Jill to be induced as my babies two weeks over due. God I’m dreading it, I hope there are no complications and I don’t have to have the dreaded caesarean section. Have any of you proud mums had to suffer that? And is it as scary as it sounds? The thing I’m most dreading is the pain, I have spoken to other mums and they say it’s like passing a melon through a straw, god I hope not. Then there’s the drugs pethadine what’s your views on this? I’ve heard you feel quite sick after taking that and then there’s the epidural, fuck! That I’m totally dismissing one, nobody is sticking my spine with a big ass needle although halfway through I might be thinking “oh why didn’t I have the epidural.” 
God, I m a total wuss when it comes to pain, I think I will just stick to gas and air, I’ve heard its quite pleasurable, do you agree? Oh, ok thanks for your honesty I will look forward to trying that then.
Omg! My back kills, I will be glad to be shut of this backache it feels like I have fridge strapped to my back. Why didn’t anybody warn me what pregnancy entailed? And you men get off so lightly. You just dip it in unload, withdraw and done but no it’s not that simple for us women we have the sickness the heartburn and the extra weight to carry. When god created women I think he was pissing himself laughing, he could have created us equal so we both had to share the brunt. God, I wish I was a man, well actually I don’t otherwise I wouldn’t have this wonderful life growing in my womb.
Well that’s me done while I’ve been waffling on I’ve showered and dressed, yes I know it’s not that flattering but this is all I can wear, why is they don’t make maternity wear very fashionable? One thing I can say for maternity wear is that you certainly have room to grow and I must say I find my quite confortable.
BEEP! BEEP, well that sounds like Seth’s brought the car round; I wonder which luxury vehicle he has chosen to take us to the hospital in. I hope it’s the silver ghost; the seats are really comfy in that one and I’d feel like royalty  pulling up in a Rolls Royce.
Hmm the curiosity is killing me, hang on I will take a peek out the window, yay silver ghost it is Seth knows me so well.
BEEP! BEEP! Fine I’m coming Seth, just getting my overnight bag ready, what’s the rush anyway? I have waited nine months; I’m sure a few hours more won’t make much difference.   
Hmm, what should I take let me see, well I’m going to need some of these unless I’m going commando, so shall we say two pairs of knickers or should I take more? You never know I might have an accident as my bladder will be weaker after all that pushing or so I have been told.
Hmm what else? Ah yes guess ill need some night ware just in case I have to stay in so I’ve a choice respectable or slutty you choose? Nice choice I would have gone with respectable I don’t want to give the doctors a heart attack do I? then again looking at my body I would probably repulse them if I turned up in something skimpy so good call reader.
Right folks I think I have everything I need, what was that? what about the baby, jeeze where’s my head at, sorry  I’m just so used to it being me myself and I , it’s weird having to think of another now, it’s going to take some getting used too but I am sure I will be just fine.
Ok then here we go, nappies, omg there so sweet, just look at the size of them. I brought both pink and blue baby grows as I don’t believe what the doctors say. Think about it for a second what if they had got it wrong saying it’s a boy and it turns out to be a girl and I’ve only brought the blue one with me then I’d have to dress a girl in blue and that would never do I’d end up giving her an inferior complex; so just to be on the safe side I’m taking both colours.
Ouch you bugger that hurt! Sorry my stomachs cramping, omg what’s all this water? have I pissed myself? I thought your bladder got weaker after birth or maybe I’ve got that the wrong way round. Something’s not right here I feel woozy, “Jill, Jill come quick.”
Whoa! I better sit down sharpish before I fall down involuntary.
CREEEEEAK! I look up to see Jill stood in the doorway. “Oh thank god, Jill what’s wrong with me? I don’t feel so good and I think I’ve pissed myself and my stomach feels like somebodies using it as a speedball.”
“Calm down love its fine, it’s just baby letting you know he wants to come out and meet his mum.”      
“Oh ok, I thought I was coming down with something; thanks Jill, will you help me downstairs please? I don’t think I can manage on my own.”
“Of course I will you silly sod; here put your arm around my neck and ill steady you.”
“Thanks Jill, you are and have been a true friend and I appreciate everything you have done for me; even though you burnt down my beautiful house.”
“Oh Melissa, give it a rest, I’ve said sorry until I’m blue in the face now come on drop it you have more important things to think about.”
“Like what?”       
“Well, have you chosen a name for your baby yet?
“Do you know something Jill I forgot all about that thanks for reminding me.”
“Think nothing of it, that’s what friends are for, now come on easy now take it step by step there’s no rush.”
Really! Are you sure? I can feel him pushing to get out, either that or I need a pooh.”
“Ewe, thanks for that visual experience, Seth open the back doors please and help her inside I’m going back for her overnight bag.”
“Right oh, come on love let’s get you inside.”
“Thanks Seth. You’re a real gentleman; you and Jill have been my rock, I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have you too in my life.”
“Ah, thanks that’s kind of you to say; it’s been a real pleasure having you stay with us and if I’m being honest I am really looking forward to the pitter patter of tiny feet running down those quiet hallways.”
Puff, puff, puff, “steady on Seth don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself? I mean who said after the baby is born I am going to continue my stay with you.”
“Really Melissa? I thought you were happy here with me and Jill?”
Puff, puff, “don’t look like that Seth I’m having you on, (puff) of course I am going to continue my stay with you.”
“Oh, you had me going love, it’s what James would have wanted; I just wish he could be here to share this joyous time with you.”
Puff! So do I Seth, so do I.”

Chapter 2
Oh My God. The Pain

Jill returns shortly after and boards the rolls carrying my overnight bag. Seth makes haste putting pedal to the metal and twenty minutes later we pull up outside the hospital. Throughout the entire journey here Jill has been helping me to control my breathing, bless her, she’s a good birthing coach, I do feel sorry for her though as I nearly crushed her hand as a contraction rocked my whole body, I have never experience pain like this, I thought I was in agony when mark used to bounce my head off the wall but that’s nothing compared to this and I’ve a feeling it’s going to get worse. Much worse.
Seth parks the car and runs inside shouting “can I get some help here please? “Woman in labour.”
I can see Seth escorting two pretty fit male nurses pushing a gurney to my side of the car. God what I could do with them if I wasn’t in this state, sorry you must think me sex mad thinking of sex at a time like this but you’ll have to forgive me as the fantasising  is taking my mind off the extreme fucking pain I’m in! Is that ok?” Hmm, thought so, I guess you’re a mum as well and can relate to what I’m feeling. Thanks for the sympathy.
Seth opens the door and the two fit nurses help me onto the gurney and proceed to push me inside, Seth and Jill follow closely behind.
My pain is almost unbearable now and I’ve just been told it’s too late for the fucking epidural, let’s just say I’m not amused. Hey there’s no need for that, I’m no mardy bitch, yes I did say earlier I didn’t want an epidural but isn’t it a woman’s prerogative to change her mind?  And boy do I want to change my mind this pain is rocking my whole body. For fucks sake can someone give me something for this pain?” I scream at the fitty pushing me.
He smiles, his whole face lights up replying “calm down love; let’s just get you into a cubicle so that the obstetrician can take a look at you.”
“Fine, just hurry the fuck up I’m in agony here.”
Shortly after my outburst he wheels me into a cubicle where the obstetrician checks me over.
“Please doctor, give me something for this pain?” I ask trying to remain calm as I squeeze the life out of Jill’s hand as another contraction rocks my body. They are getting closer together now and the pain is intensifying with each and every contraction. God the pain! someone get this fucking thing out of me” I scream in agony. The only way I can describe what I’m feeling is by comparing them to the most severe menstrual cramps I have ever experienced I am sure my son is doing a full work out in there as it feels as though his arms and legs are everywhere I keep seeing my stomach bulge out as he pushes against it. Wriggly little blighter isn’t he?  At first my pain started out like mild menstrual cramps but as time progressed my pain has increased expedensionaly and now feels like severe menstrual cramps. Fuck me! I can actually feel my cervix dilating getting my vagina ready to receive my son. It’s starting to sting a little now, scratch that comment a fucking lot. Sorry for all the swearing but if you have given birth I’m sure you didn’t just lie there smiling sweetly. No I didn’t think so. Please pardon my French I am not usually this foul mouthed; well not out of the bedroom anyway. In the bedroom it’s an entirely different story; I’d be screaming “harder baby, fuck me harder, come on you worthless piece of shit is that the best you have got? Sorry about that I get a little carried away because I like to take control in the bedroom department. Well I’m sure we all do at times although it is nice when the man is dominant as well. Grrrr, fucking men, that’s why I’m in so much agony in the first place. Put one in front of me now and I’d chop his dick off and stick it up his ass, see how he likes it. I know I am being a bitch; sorry I will try and calm down.
“Will someone give me some gas and air?” I scream as another brutal contraction sends waves of pain though my entire body. Why do I feel like a need a good poo? Is that how it was for you? all I want to do is push one out or something out, I’m past caring I just want this feeling to go away and never ever return.
Great, the midwifes here now, another face poking around down there, where is my dignity, “Seth are you sure you don’t want to take a look as well?”
“No, ill take a pass if you don’t mind?” he replies shying away.
Well you may as well get in on the action” I scream as another unforgiving contraction knocks me for six.  
I squeeze Jill’s hand harder and harder watching as she smiles at me through gritted teeth, I have this strange feeling this is the calm before the storm, am I right? Thought so thanks for not sugar coating it for me, your very much like me and tell it as it is, there’s no beating about the bush with you is there?
Well it looks like they have done poking around down there and I have just been informed I am 10cm dilated and apparently it’s time to push.
Thank god for that, my ordeal is nearly over I thought as i spread my legs and begin to push into my bottom. I begin to push I can feel the blood rush to my cheeks like when you’re constipated and trying to squeeze the biggest pooh out ever. 
This gas and air (entonox) isn’t helping; well maybe it is a little if you call making me dizzy helping, I don’t know if this is a side effect but it’s also making me feel giddy did you feel giddy? No, ok then maybe it affects people in different ways but to be honest the dizziness is taking my mind of the pain maybe that’s how it works by confusing the mind or maybe I’m so out of it I don’t know what day of the week it is. All I know for sure is my head is spinning and my mouth feels like nouns crouch it’s so dry.
Omg, omg I can feel another contraction coming and apparently I’m supposed to push with each one; great if I carry on like this they’re going to have a smelly mess to clean up as i am sure I can feel a turtles head popping out but I must admit it does feel a little deceiving.
“Right, Melissa with this next contraction give me one big push and hold it” the midwife says with her head buried in my nether region.
“Ouch, ouch (ok, I know I’m mardy, I told you I wasn’t good with pain) its coming” I scream as i push riding the next contraction.
Fucking hell what’s that? That’s a different kind of pain it feels like my vagina is on fire, I squeeze Jill’s hand revelling in the fact I’m draining the colour from her skin. 
“Keep pushing Melissa, nearly there, I can see babies head starting to crown, “the midwife says as she gets ready to steady my sons head.
Jesus this next bit hurt beyond belief the pain is excruciating I wouldn’t wish this amount of pain on my worst enemy.
Right Melissa one last push, now give it all you have it doesn’t matter if you soil yourself as that happens from time to time she smiles peering over my gown.
Mother fucker this next contraction feels like my insides are going to explode, I grab hold of the gas and air and take a couple of deep breaths while trying to focus on pushing into my bottom. There it goes again that burning sensation, truly giving birth is like torture as there is so many levels of pain. 
Great Jill’s in on the action now, bless her she’s still holding onto my hand or is that the other way around and I’m holding onto hers either way she has positioned herself so she can see my son being born. 
“It’s coming Melissa” the midwife shouts as I continue to push, all of a sudden I feel Jill’s hand pull away from mine, I watch as if in slow motion as she collapses to the floor as finally my son says hello to the world, suddenly the burning sensation disappears in fact I’m hardly in pain now it’s more of an ache than pain. Then I hear the long awaited sound I have waited so patiently for 9 months and my son lets out a cry as he realises what his lungs are for and fills the eerie silence with the sound of life.
Proud isn’t the word, my baby is wrapped in a blanket and laid across my chest, I look down at his tiny face and hold his tiny hands thinking perfection your father would be so proud if he was here today or maybe he’s looking down from heaven thinking that’s my boy. All I know for certain is i cant contain my tears any longer and as I stare at my bundle of joy who lays gurgling in my arms tears fill my eyes and cascade down my cheeks. I look across the room and see Jill being helped off the floor and seated on a nearby chair I smile a grateful smile and she smiles back and in that moment of clarity my sons name comes to mind and I’ve decided to name him after his father; so could you all please put your hands together and welcome James Robert Roberts into our world.  

Chapter 3
Our New Life Begins

It’s 10pm; Jill’s asleep on an adjacent chair. Your probably wondering what I’m still doing here right? Well after my birthing ordeal I was so exhausted, so they suggested I stay in overnight and recuperate.
Baby James is sleeping blissfully beside my bed. I wonder how long that’s going to last? If you listen closely you can hear him snoring, he’s just like his dad a chip of the old block. 
I’ve been trying to sleep for a couple of hours but I just can’t settle because my little man is too much of a distraction and I can’t stop staring at him. Was you like that trying to stay awake just in case you missed something?
When they first handed him to me he was covered in placenta, now he looks more like a baby he has already got a full head of jet black hair, no wonder I had so much heart burn the little blighter. When i look at him I can see James for sure there is no mistaking who his dad is, no DNA test needed here that’s for sure. His eyes are perfectly spaced and his nose is the spit of his dads, he even has the little dimples he had in fact he’s literally a mini James so his names quiet apt don’t you think? 
I gave him his first feed earlier, it felt amazing almost as if I was one with my son although the little blighter did suckle quite hard and left me with quite a sore nipple, so on his next feed I’ll be using the other one, i guess I’m going to have to rotate the use of them so that the other one has time to recuperate between feeds. Did your nipples feel sore? I bet they did.
Oh I forgot to say, his birth weight was seven pound four ounces, no wonder I felt like a whale. Jill bless her has been amazing; she even cut the babies cord and even managed to stay on her feet. I so wanted to cut it myself but couldn’t do it as I felt I was cutting his life line, I know silly right?
Seth has been back since James was born and has brought me a lovely bouquet of flowers sporting a kaleidoscope of colours and a helium filled balloon with the words congratulations on the birth of your baby boy. Bless him; he’s so sweet, isn’t he?
God I feel drained, earlier I couldn’t even shower myself, Jill had to join me and help wash me down as my legs had turned to jelly. Don’t tell her I told you this but her strokes where quite arousing as she soaped me up and caressed my supple skin with the soft sponge she had in her hand. To be honest I think she knew I was turned on, I suppose the odd little sighs were a dead give-away. After the birth I was and am still sore down below and has she washed me down there she blew little puffs of breath over my nether region and it felt so soothing, the only downfall was when she stopped blowing the soreness returned. She’s so thoughtful isn’t she?
Mawww, mawwww, great that’s me not getting any sleep anytime soon; guess who’s awake and hungry. “Come on little man” I say gently picking him up being very careful to support his neck. Have you noticed how flimsy new-borns are? It’s almost as if they don’t have any bones in their body.
“Phew what’s that smell I wonder as i traverse his tiny body sniffing intently? “My god lad how can someone so little create such a vile aroma?” I could bottle this and sell it to the joke shops as stink bombs, they would clear a shop in seconds I think to myself and give a little chuckle.
Well this is it, wish me luck I’m going in. I peel the strips from the sides of his nappy and carefully peel it back, “omg little man I’m never eating mushy peas ever again” I say as I’m greeted with what only can be described as gone off mushy peas the smell is vile and lingers around the room so much so that Jill has started to cough, “oops sorry Jill” I whisper trying not to wake her. 
Well that’s the nappy finally off, “a quick wipe with these soft baby wipes and a bit of suda cream, a fresh nappy and were back in business little man aren’t we?” I whisper staring into his soft brown eyes. “Well baby James, that’s you sorted all clean and fresh, now you smell like a bed of roses compared to how you smelt before little man, “well I guess you’ll want feeding now won’t you?” I say laying him across my chest, the little blighter, no sooner has his head touched my breast he’d latched on like an eager puppy suckling from its mother, boy this lad can suck. “Easy tiger your hurting mummy” I say repositioning him. Well that didn’t take him long can you hear smacking his chops as he drains his poor mummy.
I know I was a wuss at his birth but all in all I would go through this again now I know what to expect although certain things would have to be in place like a nice loyal man for starters as I wouldn’t want to be a single mum again by choice. I’m sure there are plenty of good ones out there still, well here’s hoping but for now I’m having some me and my son time, men are strictly forbidden apart from Seth of course. I have thought about asking him to be James’s god father even though he may be a little old at sixty what do you think? Hmm, I agree maybe your right the whole point of a godfather is to be there if something god forbid, happened to me. Jill’s defo being his godmother, I couldn’t wish for a better godmother as I know she would take good care of him. Do you know what, Seth has been so good to me out with the rules I’m asking him to be godfather; I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I ask him. I’m sure he will be as pleased as punch and I think I will make the old dear very happy in fact I bet I will have him in tears of joy. 
Well that’s my little man done; he’s had his feed time for windy boos. I place him upright with his tiny bum sat on my legs and gently hold his chin and with my free hand gently pat and rub his back. Burrrp! “Bless you, little man” I say as I continue to rub his back. He’s trying to wriggle free now, i guess he’s had enough and so have I, I’m so tired I could sleep for a week but I’m so scared to leave him alone. I know I’m being silly but all I’m doing is protecting my baby as you hear of young ones dying in their sleep, “please lord don’t let that happen to me” I say as I place him back down to sleep.
Finally he’s asleep, I’ve been watching his little chest rise and fall and now feel content that he is breathing normally, I might get some shut eye for an hour, dare I? Hmmm, I don’t know, why do I feel guilty for leaving him unattended? 
CREAK! My head snaps to the direction of the sound. Phew it’s only Jill stirring. She opens one eye and stares at me for a few seconds then opens her other one and sits bolt upright rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
“Hey, Melissa haven’t you had any sleep?”
I sigh, “Unfortunately not, the little blighter shit for England and I had to give him his hourly feed” I reply followed by a long drawn out yawn.
Jill gets up from her chair and parks her fat ass on the edge of my bed replying “tell you what, I will watch over him if you’re worried about him.”
I sigh again and reply “I don’t know Jill, he’s my responsibility not yours.
She scoffs, “after everything we have been through I would have thought we are in this together?
I stare thinking of a good comeback but no words rise to the surface of my lips, instead when I open my mouth to speak just a gasp of air escapes as I knew what she is telling me is true.
I avert my eyes in shame, what was I thinking excluding her from my life? Is it so wrong of me to want my baby boy to myself or am I being selfish? I am aren’t I? Jill has been so good to me. Ah, I know how I can make this right I think as I open my mouth to speak. 
“Jill”
“What! Melissa?”
I place my hand on top of hers and say “look! I am sorry, truly I am.”
She scoffs and turns her head in the opposite direction replying “I know he’s your son Melissa and I know he’s all you have left of James but I loved James too and that little bundle of joy is the only thing I have left of him as well.” A tear snakes down her right cheek as she turns to face me.
I know how she is feeling because we share the same pain. I take my sleeve and wipe her cheek saying “we are in this together Jill and I would be honoured if you’d consider being James’s godmother, “what do you say?” I knew the answer before she’d even opened her mouth to speak by the way her lips are quivering as she tries to hold her tears back. Her cheeks start to flush as her eyes glaze over, at first just a single tear slides from her eye and sits haphazardly refusing to budge, I smile and squeeze her hand gently and watch as more tears form smaller ones that in turn roll into larger crocodile tears and cascade down both her sides of her cheeks. I pull her close to my chest saying “don’t get any ideas while your down there; the milks for the baby” I chuckle.
Jill lifts her head and we lock eyes; she smiles a radiant smile and replies “I’d love to be godmother but you already knew what my answer would be, didn’t you?”
I chuckle staring into her eyes feeling quite smug with myself and reply “of course I did silly, you’re his family now. God she’s got me going now, we must look a right pair sobbing into each other. A year ago these tears that fall from my sleepless eyes would have been tears of sadness but nine months on it’s a different story and these tears are full of joy. After all I have a lot to be happy and thankful about; don’t I? 

Chapter 4
The green eyed monster

Crash! bang, flash. My eyes snap open as I am awakened by flashes of light as silhouettes dance across the wall before me. I rush to the window and look out through condensation glass. I wipe the window with my gown sleeve and peer out into the darkness. Torrential rain pelts down in sheets of unforgiving rain. I watch from on high from my hospital window as people run for cover; using anything at hand to place over their heads to make a makeshift brolly. I look to the sky in wonder and amazement and see mother nature at her worst as the sky lights up in sheets of white followed by loud growls of thunder. The wind howls, blowing through every crevice it can find. It whistles a ghostly song as it searches for a way in. Trees shake in its wake as it batters them relentlessly; lights flicker on and off as if sending out morse code as it shakes the power lines to within an inch of their lives. This is the worst storm I have ever seen in my life; apart from the ones I have seen on tv in faraway countries. I never thought I’d witness one like this for myself.  I stand staring in amazement transfixed by the multitude of endless flashes of light and watch as it sparsely forks towards the ground destroying anything that it makes contact with. This is truly the hand of god. I’m not as god faring person per-say but if I had to describe the hand of god this would have been it. I look down to the street below and watch as the wind sends shivers rippling through makeshift mini pools that glisten in the moonlight reflecting  her pearly whites as she looks down on us.
I look to my wrist. Where’s my watch? I could have sworn I had it on my wrist when I fell asleep. 
I hear footsteps behind me clip clopping across the tiled floor. I turn just has a nurses hand graces my shoulder. My eyes meet with hers in mid-turn. I am so tired I have only had about an hours sleep and my eyes are weary. I watch as if time itself has slowed to a stop as she opens her mouth to speak saying, “Melissa are you ok? How’s baby doing?
Time suddenly regains its footing and returns to normal as I reply “we are doing fine thank you; I don’t suppose you have the time do you?” I smile and await her imminent reply.
The nurse looks to her watch. “It is just after 4:30am” she says as she checks my pulse and temperature.
I am quite shocked at her answer as I thought it was at least 6am. This has been the longest night ever. Its dragged terribly and one hour seems like two; go figure eh.
Jill lies across her chair with her feet dangling over the edge of her chair. I look to James’s cot and gasp in dismay as I see it is empty. 
I panic, gulping down mouthfuls of still air as I scout the room for my son. I take a sigh of relief as my eyes finally settle on Jills chest were baby James resides.
I remember her offering to watch over him while I grabbed an hour of much needed sleep. 
He must have woken up while I blissfully slept unaware what was happening before my closed eyes.
I tiptoe towards them being very careful not to wake him. My nipples are still sore from his last two feeds so every minute counts giving them time to recuperate.
I stand looking down on the two most precious people in my life. Jills mouth is wide open like a venus fly trap waiting for its prey before it snaps shut.
James’s eyes flicker as I watch intently; watching closely as I study his breathing. I watch his chest rise as it fills with air then drops as he exhales. “Did you do that with your baby?” 
As I stand staring a sense of rage washes over me. I don’t really know why I’m feeling this way. I suppose it’s because she has my son in her arms and he’s not where he belongs. I know what you are thinking and to be honest I am past caring. He’s my son and he belongs in my arms. Right!  Don’t tell me you didn’t feel the same with your little one.
Hmm, on second thoughts I’ve changed my perception to that dreaded green eyed monster we like to call jealousy. I can’t bare him in her arms anymore so I gently remove her arm which she has placed so strategically to stop my baby rolling off her chest and pick him up.
I hold him close to my face and smile as I feel little puffs of air caress my cheek. Jill hasn’t moved an inch which angers me as I could have been a total stranger plucking him from her arms. What has come over me? Is this what being a mother is all about? Or am I being mellow dramatic and being overprotective?  Calm down Melissa. He is safe now. No harm done. I say to myself under my breath as I put him back in his cot.
I lay on my bed. My senses are filled with the smell of disinfectant as the cleaners start their busy day pushing around their cleaning trolley like some homeless person holding on to their worldly possessions.
I give one last glance across to baby James as my eyes start to flutter as the darkness takes me to that place we call sleep.

Chapter 5
Home Sweet Home

Maw! Maw! My eyes snap open as my ears fill with the sound of life.
No…! Baby James; “please let mummy get some rest, “I whisper half asleep.
I guess this is why so many mothers wake up grouchy in the morning. Am I right? Thought so because I feel like shit; my head is pounding making his cry sound like thunder “I can’t take it anymore” I say as I throw my hands over my ears.
Jill has overheard my conversation with him and intervenes saying, “let me take him for a while. I have had plenty of sleep while you on the other hand look like shit.”
Well that’s just what you want to hear isn’t it? She knows how to install real confidence doesn’t she? Thanks for that Jill I think glaring at her.
Well! “Do you want me to take him or not?” she reiterates.
My eyes turn from a deadly stare to grateful as she lifts him out of his cot. “Promise me you wont fall to sleep with him on your chest again” I say making my feelings clear.
Jill stares into the open space behind me then replies “I didn’t did I?”
I sigh replying,”yes you did Jill and I might add you gave me the fright of my life when I saw that his cot was empty, you know me always thinking the worst.
“Ha, ha, that I do Melissa you do worry far too much. “You should be more like me laid back and chilled.” She replies chuckling.
“Like you” I laugh. “Any more laid back and you’d be horizontal I chuckle back.
“Ha, ha; Just the way I like it” she replies with a Cheshire grin across her face.
“Slut springs to mind” I joke in reply as she rocks baby James to sleep.
Jill changes the mood in the room with a swift change of question asking. Are you looking forward to going home?”
Yes! Of course I am; “I am well excited because later today I’m outta here and my new life will start with my new family.”
Jills eyes begin to well up. “Don’t you dare Jill we had enough tears between us yesterday to fill a bath I joke smiling.
Jill wipes her eyes on her sleeve and replies, “I’m sorry, I’m just so emotional at the thought of being accepted by someone new; James was the last person to accept me. God rest his soul. She ends drawing a crucifix across her chest.
Wow! “Jill I’m shocked you feel that way, I didn’t realise what all this meant to you but now I do” I reply placing my hand on hers.
I look deep into her eyes. I can see sadness playing peek a boo behind them. As much as she tries to hide it I can see it and feel it so I ask her if there is anything else she wanted to get of her chest.
“You know don’t you?” She replies averting her eyes to the floor. 
Know what? Sill you’re not making any sense I reply as I try to read between the lines. What could it be? What has her so upset? I think listening intently.
Jill brings her eyes level with mine. I watch as her lips quiver. It is as if she is hesitating to tell me something.
Just spit it out, a problem shared is a problem halved hasn’t anybody ever told you that?” I ask as I watch her reaction.
She sighs replying, “yes Melissa I know the saying; James used to say it to me all the time when I was feeling down and now he’s gone.”
I watch as a tear snakes down her chip and drips of her chin and reply “ I know Jill how you are feeling I miss him too but on the bright side it was James that kind of brought us together so you can mope or smile in the knowledge that we now have each other. What do you say eh? A problem shared and all that? Now come on tell me what’s troubling you.”
Ok! Ok fine; “I will tell you but first you have to promise me you won’t get upset” she replies
I gulp as I swallow thin air and reply,”jesus just spit it out the suspense is killing me.”
Fine! “You know the house right?” 
“Yeah of course I do, silly question.” 
“No you fool I didn’t mean it like that; I meant you know the house from a financial point of view?” she replies sounding agitated.
I could tell I’m not going to like what she has to say by the way she is fidgeting and playing with her hands it’s a dead giveaway for nerves or somebody that has something to hide. I wonder which one she is? Shhh! I’m about to find out.
Jill takes a deep breath and begins saying “there is no easy way to tell you this but we are going to lose the house and before you say anything I have exhausted all possibilities; I really don’t know what to do next.”
“Lose the house how, why? I don’t understand; I thought you were loaded?” I reply in shock.
“Oh Melissa, sweet ,sweet naïve Melissa you haven’t got a clue have you, I’m living on borrowed time the mortgage on that place is killing me.” she sighs then continues. It’s no use I’m going to have to cut my losses and sell.”
I close my eyes and listen to what she has to say then blurt out “ I have money Jill, it’s yours if you want it?”
I watch as her eyes widen like two saucers followed by “you have money? How? And how much?”
“Look it’s not a lot but I will have the insurance off the house and I have about thirty grand in savings; is it enough to bail you out of your temporary situation?” I reply awaiting her answer.
Wow! “Melissa I’m shocked, you come across as penniless and then you spring this on me and to answer your question yes it would help but I’m not taking it as hand out, if I accept you have to agree to be a full partner in my business, agreed?”
I frown replying “I will accept on one condition.”
“What’s that then?” she asks.
“You’re never to ask me to do any manual work with your clients ok? Agree and we have a deal.” I reply holding my hand out to seal the deal.
Jill smiles like the cat that’s got the cream and replies “what! Not even if I’m desperate and need you to fill in?” I knew she was having me on but I still played along. Did you know she was playing?
No! Jill, not even if one of your clients croak from over excitement and you need a hand to resuscitate him; I’m a silent partner and that’s how it will remain while I’m your business partner, agreed?”
Jill giggles replying, “I am having you on ya dozy mare; of course I wouldn’t ask you to do something that you didn’t want to do.”
Really! “I wouldn’t have guessed?” I sarcastically reply. 
Ha, ha “so you knew I was messing with you then?” She says nudging me with her arm.
I sigh and reply “well it’s not rocket science is it? I’ve known you long enough to know your mannerisms and I could tell you were messing with me.”
Right! “Here take James, I’m off to drop the kids off at the pool.” she says carefully placing him in my arms.
Kids off?  I repeat what she had said over and over in my head thinking she hasn’t got any kids and then it hit me I once heard James say the same thing and shortly after I heard moans from the bathroom followed by  a plop as something hit the water and realised she was having a pooh. I know nice image right? Have you ever heard the saying? To be honest I still don’t get it lol.
I place James back in his cot and walk over to the window and peer out. It’s getting light now. I’d say it’s about 8am. The wind has died to a gentle breeze and the rain has almost stopped leaving large puddles in its wake. I watch as a mother pulls her sons arm as he tries to jump in a puddle and giggle to myself thinking that could me in a few years’ time.
As I stare out the widow a familiar hand taps me on the shoulder. I turn to see the nurse from earlier on in front of me. Apparently I’m free of this place as I have been given the all clear to go and can leave as soon as I’m ready so I ask her If I can make a phone call and call Seth to come and pick us up. I literally can’t wait to get home. I’m so excited. Oh yeah I nearly forgot I’m asking Seth to be godfather today. I can’t wait to see his face. Wish me luck. Nah I don’t think I will need it I’m sure he will say yes but airing on the side of caution what do you think? Phew! Nice one I totally agree it will make his day. I just hope I don’t give the old dear a heart attack through all the excitement. 
God just get me out of here I just want to start my new life now and the smell of disinfectant is overpowering to say the least. I mean how are you supposed to eat breakfast with that smell wafting under your nose? I know, I know I’m waffling again aren’t I? so would you be after being cooped up in here all night. What was that? You have been and you think I’m being a mardy bitch? Well ok I’ll take that one; a little insensitive but I will take it. God you readers can be mean.
Bzzzzzzz! my head snaps to the ward doors and a great big smile covers my face as Seth walks in carrying a car seat. “Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” I say giving him a hug.
“Awe, that’s so nice; so I’ll take that as you have missed me then?” he replies smiling.
No I mean it literally my eyes are killing; have you ever tried to get some sleep in hospital?” I reply rubbing my eyes.
No love I haven’t because I have never had to stay in hospital he replies placing the car seat on my bed.
“Well Seth, all I can say is you’re in for a real treat.” I reply picking the car seat up and proceed to examine it.
Awe bless him he’s brought James a car seat with a picture of my secret garden on. He’s so thoughtful I don’t know what I would do without him. I didn’t even think that far ahead and I’ve just learned from this leaflet that if your baby hasn’t got a car seat then you can’t leave. Health and safety gone mad I guess I think to myself as I place baby James into his car seat and  get him ready for his maiden voyage home.
“Come on little man” I say pulling the straps tight around him.
James gives a little whimper as I pull the last strap tight. Sorry son was that last one a little tight? Well! We can’t have you falling out know can we? I whisper positioning his head in its support.
Right! that’s me done. I’m in that much of a rush to get out of here I’m not getting dressed. Nope! Slippers, nightie and dressing gown all the way. You never know I might start a new trend. What do you think? Hmm, I agree it’s not the most flattering of outfits is it?
“Let’s go let’s go, ”I say to Seth ushering towards the door.
The nurses look at me gone out as I walk towards door and press the door release. Anybody would think they have never seen a woman leave in a dressing gown. Oh well let them gawp all they want. “I’m going home I’m going we are going home” I sing to James as I gently swing his chair back and forth. He’s smiling. Do you think he likes it. No…!  James I’ve just put those clean on today. Yep you have guessed it that cute smile he was throwing me wasn’t a smile at all and was most definatly wind judging by his baby grow which now sports a yellow tinge. 
Grrr! Seth bring the car to the front entrance; I will wait for Jill” I say ushering him out the ward door.
Oi! “I hope your wasn’t thinking of leaving without me Jill shouts across the ward. 
“No… don’t be silly.” “Anyway, how are the kids?” I ask jokingly.
Kids? “What kids?” she replies bemused.
“You know the ones you dropped off at the pool.” I laugh then continue. “Funny though, I didn’t even know hospitals had pools” I joke with a smug grin.
Ha, ha, very droll come on let’s get out of this place; oh and one more thing don’t give up your day job your about as funny as, well I can’t think of a comparison right now but you get my drift don’t you? She replies chuckling to herself. With that we leave the hospital. Jill throws my overnight bag over her shoulder and we proceed the exit were Seth is waiting patiently for us to get in. Jill opens the rear door allowing me and James to get in. she closes the door and joins Seth in the front.
“Well! Are you going to ask him then? Jill blurts out taking me by surprise.
“Ask me what? Seth replies
“Err; I was just wondering if you’d like to be James’s godfather. I stutter throwing Jill a set of evils.
Why am I stuttering? It’s not as if he’s going to say no is it? But what if he does then who will I ask I say to myself as I wait for his answer.
Seth stops the car and pulls on the handbrake then just sits staring out the window.
“Are you ok Seth?” I ask concerned. 
Yes! Of course I am, just a little taken back that all” he sniffs in reply.
Seth! “Are you crying?”  I ask as I hear him sniffle again.
He sniffles again then replies “ yes, you must think me soppy. 
“No Seth it just shows us your human and have emotions just like the rest of us” I reply smiling.
“Her- hum, In that case I would be honoured to be his godfather” he replies turning to face me. I watch as two large crocodile tears drip off his chin and smile replying “you soppy sod; now take me home. I think a celebration is in order what do you say guys?”
Both Seth and Jill agree and we continue our journey home.
On the drive back I look out of the window and witness the carnage last night’s storm had brought. Trees lay on the ground uprooted by the ferocious winds. The river has risen and now swells over its banks partly flooding the road ahead. I watch as Seth sends a wash of spray outwards as he drives though it at speed. Isn’t mother nature grand? If you think about it she’s just like us don’t you think? Why I hear you ask? Well I will tell you, just like you and I she has mood swings the sunny days for instance is her being placid. A gentle breeze is her being playful and the storm last night is her venting her anger at us giving us a gentle reminder that she make’th and she can take’th away. I know a little mellow dramatic I hear you say but hey I think you got the message loud and clear didn’t you?

Chapter 6
Oh The joys

We arrive back at the mansion around 10:30am. As we drive through the gates I am overcome with flash backs of memories past. Why do they haunt me like this? I just want to put the past behind me and move on with my life but no they will not let me as they persist in their torment and will not stay locked in that little box that i have tucked them away in at the back of my mind. Slippery little buggers aren’t they?
We pull up to the front doors and come to an abrupt stop skidding kicking up the pebbles on the driveway. I turn to the rear window watching and listening as the pebbles ping of the garage door. I face forward and my eyes lock with Seths as he stares into his rear view mirror. He smiles. I think he knew he had stopped abruptly and hoped that nobody noticed but I did. 
Seth gets out the car and walks to the rear of the car and opens the door for me while Jill exits and opens the front door.
“Would you like me to help you out love?” Seth says offering his hand.
I smile a grateful smile and reply “yes Seth. Could you take baby James for me while I drag my fat ass out?” I joke as I slide the car seat over to him. 
He takes baby James and places his seat in the hallway and returns to pull my fat ass out of the car. He extends a shaking hand I greatly accept and he eases me slowly out as I’m still quite sore and feel very fragile. I head inside. Seth follows shortly after carrying my overnight bag asking “would you like me to put these straight into the wash. I turn to face him smiling and reply “yes Seth that would be great; thank you so much.”
I turn to head upstairs. All I want is a hot bath and long uninterrupted sleep is that too much to ask?
I place my foot on the first step and pull my other leg up using the banister as leverage. My god I’m sore this is going to be a long climb. This is one of those times that I wish this place had an elevator. I continue up the stairs hissing through gritted teeth as I take another step.
I get to the third step and suddenly stop as a well-placed hand startles me. I turn my head slightly and gasp. No! “It can’t be you! You’re dead” I whisper as a cold shiver runs down my spine. 
“Who are you talking to love?” Seth says as he stares up at me from the bottom of the stairs.
“Err, nobody Seth. I’m going to run a bath and when I’m finished I am going for a much needed sleep; can you and Jill watch James for me for a few hours? I would be so grateful” I reply still rationalising with what I think I saw.
“Yes of course love; take as much time as you need” he replies. I smile then turn and continue my torturous climb.  My body feels like I have gone twelve rounds with a professional boxer it aches so much. Each step is agony. As I climb the stairs I think back to what I thought I saw; surely I’m just exhausted and I’m hallucinating. Yes that’s it I must be I decide as I finally reach the top step. I walk down the long corridor and notice that the door adjacent to me has been left open which I find quite strange because Seth normally closes all the doors. I peer in. my jaw drops open. I’m amazed at the transformation; boy Seth has been busy bless him. Teddy bear wallpaper dons the walls; even the floor has been transformed from a wooden floor to a soft blue shag pile with brown teddies dotted around. In the far corner more surprises can be found as a brand spanking new rocking cot sits proud and takes centre stage. Even the window seat is alive with cuddly toys. Seth is amazing he has even matched the bedding and curtains to match the wallpaper and carpet; bless him. Words fail me. I’m totally gobsmacked. Overwhelmed is not the word. I feel my eyes glaze over followed by a stream of salty tears as they drip into my mouth. “Well Seth, you have outdone yourself” I say closing the door to the nursery. I turn on my heels and head for the bathroom. I put the plug in and pour some strawberry scented bubble bath in and turn the hot water on and watch as the bath springs to life as the water whips up frothy foam filling the room with a strawberry aroma. I love strawberries do you? Hmm, there my favourite; I just love the way they melt in your mouth as you bite into them; I especially like them dipped in chocolate, do you? All this talk of food is making me hungry; my stomach feels like I haven’t eaten in days. Oh well enough about food time for a nice long soak in the bath.
I place my hand in the water and quickly withdraw it shaking it and shout “ouch ya bugger that’s hot” then proceed to add cold water until I can comfortably hold my hand in the water. I disrobe and step in. the scented bubbles caress my soft skin as I slide down the bath until my feet come to rest against the other side. I close my eyes and finally start to relax. Suddenly my eyes snap open. I get the sense of somebody or something watching me. I dismiss the idea and close my eyes once more only to reopen them a second later as I feel a hand placed on each of my shoulders. I gasp as they proceed to massage me. I lay there thinking or more like hoping that I’m still hallucinating. I slowly turn my head as my adrenaline starts to pump making my heart beat faster; I can see my breath as I exhale; it’s as if the room is cold but it makes no sense as I feel perfectly warm apart from this cold shiver that runs down my spine which I can’t seem to shake. I finally pluck the courage up and sit bolt upright using my feet to propel myself backwards through the water creating a backwards tidal wave which splashes over the edges of the bath and crashes onto the floor.  Are you ok Melissa? Jill shouts banging on the door.
Yeah! “I think so, why?” 
“Think so or you are?” she replies.
Jill! I’m fine honestly; I must have dozed off and left the tap running, honestly I’m fine, I will be out in a minute” I reply as I notice the water slipping under the door.
“Well if you’re sure and I suppose that would explain all this water” she replies.
I pull the plug and step out and wrap a pre warmed towel around me. Don’t you just love that soft fluffy feel as you wrap yourself up? I know I do. I look in the mirror thinking god I look rough; no wonder I’m hallucinating. I mean just look at the state of me, I could go shopping with these bags under my eyes. I move closer to the mirror as I notice a black head that is desperately begging to be squeezed. I place a finger each side and apply even pressure wincing as I feel the pressure being pushed upwards and out as it explodes ejecting a sticky yellow puss all over the mirror. Without thinking I wipe the mirror with my hand which smears leaving a sticky mess. I bet you have done the same at some point in your life, haven’t you?      
I love squeezing spots; not only my own but literally any I can get my hands on. You see I get a sense of satisfaction as I hear that crack as it erupts like a mini volcano. I know gross right?
What a mess. I suppose I’d better clean this shit up before Seth sees it. I look around the bathroom and pick up a face flannel and begin to clean the mirror. Please don’t tell Seth or Jill I used this I don’t think they would be best pleased with me so can we keep this between ourselves? 
I can feel my towel starting to slip from my chest and briefly take my eyes of the mirror. I freeze frozen to the spot as my eyes glance back to my reflection. My jaw drops slightly as I stare at the reflection looking back but I’m not the only one standing there; behind me is my dear departed James. I close my eyes jostling on the spot and repeat “he’s not real; he’s not real over and over again. I reopen them. He’s gone. What’s got into me? Why am I seeing James? I haven’t seen him since he was taken away so why now? I must be over tired. Yes that’s it, it’s the only rational explanation isn’t it? Or am I going out my mind? What do you think? Do you hallucinate when you’re over tired or am I just plain unlucky?
I place the flannel back where I found it and leave the bathroom and head to my room. I sit on the edge of my bed. My mind is awash. I can’t seem to separate fiction from reality. I lie on the bed and close my eyes and start to drift. Knock!  Knock! My eyes snap open and face the door. “Melissa! Are you awake? Seth asks gently knocking on my door.
Yes! Seth I am now” I snap back.
“I woke you didn’t I? I’m so sorry; it’s just baby James needs feeding and while you have been bathing I took it upon myself to nip into town and buy you a few things, I hope you don’t mind? He replies feeling a little deflated and frankly underappreciated.
Seth wait! I reply opening the door.
My eyes widen when I see what he is holding in his hands. What the hell is that contraption? I ask.
“Err, it’s a breast pump; me and Jill thought you could express your milk into bottles, that way it would make it easier for us to help out and take some of the burden off you” he retorts handing me the box. 
I sigh replying “I can do that, wow modern technology. I smile as I take it from him and try to read the instructions but the writings too blurred so I scour my room for my glasses.
“Where are my glasses?” I say continuing to scouring my room. 
Its ok I have saved you the trouble love I have already read the instructions, you just put that bit over your breast and this end goes into the bottle” he says pointing to the pictures in the instructions.
Shhh! Seth something’s are personal and although I’m grateful for my gift I’m sure you will agree this is also a bit embarrassing for me so a bit of privacy wouldn’t go a miss?” I retort closing the door on him.
“Ok! I will just wait here until you have finished then shall I?” he replies from the opposite side of the door. No! Seth. “Go down stairs and wait” I angrily shout back in reply. I can hear him mumbling to himself but can’t quite make out what he is saying. I listen at the door and wait for the sound of descending footsteps then sit back on the edge of my bed. I’m not meaning to be grouchy and snappy it’s just that I’m exhausted.
I reach over and open my bedside drawer and lift my glasses out and put them on and begin to read the instructions. I open the box and lift the contraption out of its box leaving several bottles still inside and hold it in my hand and stare at it for a second. Really! “it does all that” I say as I look at this infernal contraption. Well here goes; I place the larger end on my nipple and the other end into the bottle per the instructions and turn it on. Ooooh! I don’t know about this, what a strange sensation; it feels almost like an artificial mouth suckling on my nipples. It’s a surreal feeling that’s for sure. 
Can I ask you a question? Ok, is it just me or did you find this breast pump thingy quite pleasurable as I’m ashamed to say It’s making feel a little aroused and it shows from my swollen nipples and this wet patch between my legs. Hmm, I see your abstaining from that question. Fine I will draw my own conclusions then you randy bugger. It’s literally been months since my down below has seen any action and as this pump stimulates me I can’t stop myself from running my finger around my already engorged clit. God it feels good. I continue to rub around the outside and work my way back in drawing little circles as I edge back towards my clit. “Oh my days; this feels so fucking good” I think to myself as I up the tempo rocking my finger back and forth and then side to side. I can feel my insides erupting like a geyser waiting to explode out and up into the open world as my orgasm approaches. I roll onto my front totally forgetting I still have the breast pump on. Milk flies across the bed as the bottle dislodges but I don’t give a damn I want my orgasm. I wrap my legs around my covers and pull them to my crotch and grind my pussy against them while biting down hard on my pillow trying to muffle the sound of my whimpers. I rub harder and faster against the tightly wound sheets. Oh my god I’m at the point of no return I grind faster thrusting my hips hard and scream I’m cumming” I bury my head deep into my pillow as my inside juices erupt  in a fountain soaking my bed sheets. I lie here in this large wet patch. A mixture of orgasmic juices mixed with my breast milk. My legs still quiver as if they are made of jelly. “God that felt good” I say just as I hear a knock , knock on my door. Melissa! “I am sorry to bother you but baby James is still hungry; I don’t suppose you have expressed enough milk yet have you?”
I look down at the bottle that’s now empty and reply “nearly there Seth, just give me a minute; I’m still getting to grips with the bloody thing.” I know, I am a liar you can say it but haven’t you ever been caught in an uncompromising position and had to lie?” hmm, thought so, so don’t judge as us girls have to stick together don’t we?
Seth knocks again. Impatient little begger isn’t he? Seth! “Just give me a minute” I snap back. Ok! “I was only asking; what’s got into you today?” he replies.
Nothing! Seth “I’m just exhausted that’s all; I just need a couple of hours sleep and I will be as right as reign” I reply. I quickly switch the breast pump to my other breast and begin the laborious process all over again and a few minutes later the last bottle finally fills to the brim. I screw the teat on and give it a shake and head for my door. I open the door and hand him the bottles but instead of accepting them he averts his eyes. “What’s wrong Seth?” I ask touching his arm. Ooops! I have only gone and left the breast pump attached; poor fellow he must have had the shock of his life when he saw that dangling down. I turn quickly and pull it from my nipple. It releases with a pop. I turn back to face him and extend my arm holding out the bottles of freshly squeezed milk. “Sorry Seth, I forgot that was still attached” I embarrassingly say as my cheeks flush. He takes them from my hand without saying a word to me; normally he would have said thank you. He then  turns on his heels and heads back down the stairs. What must he think of me? I don’t think I will be able to look at him in the same way anymore as I’m too embarrassed and I don’t think he could me either. Oh! What a mess; all it took was a lapse of concentration and now look at us. I hope this doesn’t put a strain on our friendship after all it was a stupid accident. Surly he won’t hold that against me? I lie back and close my eyes. Finally! Some peace and quiet. Night all.