This Is Mine........

When I was little I didn't stand I front of the mirror with a white pillow case over my head.

Never day dreamed or wanted a wedding day. 

I would say I wanted five sons. No daughters. 

As for the dad. I would say I was going to have five dads.

One was going to compose violin music, classical.

One was going to be an astronaut, a doctor, and so on. 

When I think about it, it was genetic engineering of sorts.

I had two older sisters. I saw what having a boyfriend meant.

I watched them love, laugh, then cry. 

Surprised by what was happening, over and over again. 

Why would I. I wasn't going to have someone who kept me from being who I real was. 

I forgot. I fell in love. I trusted. I believed. I dreamt.

I signed a marriage certificate. A week later I signed a mortgage.

Anchored to a fantasy. No wonder I sit disappointed.

I now find myself with a gray streak in my hair...

A mother. That is all. 

Besides being much older, I am starting over. I lived happy. 

It was a dream. Raising my children while my husband climbed to the top of his career. 

Here I am. With no college education. No work history. 

A broken heart, a shattered faith and no hope. 

At times I can't breath. Other times I accept what's happening...

I don't even know what's happening. All that's left of the last twenty years is resentment, becoming hate, a disappointment, a cross far too heavy for me to carry.