Mirror Image Twins- Our Breast Cancer Story and the Puzzle Pieces

When my mom was pregnant she never knew she was going to have two. We were on top of each other, so doctors only detected one heart beat. The day of our delivery, my dad was in the Navy, out to sea.  He could only sit in his office, starring at the chalkboard, which said, "Your wife had twin girls". We were six weeks early and no names yet. They looked in a baby book and came up with  Dora Jeannine and Doris Jean.  Our names meant a "gift" and "of the sea". My parents already had two other children, and had named them based on their initials, which they came up with Anne Marie and Michael Anthony. The four of us children were very close in age. Anne Marie being the oldest, was only by three years. Michael was 11 months older than us. What amazement I always had for how my mom could take care of all of us while my dad was away a lot due to the military.  My mom said we were so small she would hold us in one arm to feed us, and my brother in the other arm.  It was always nice having a twin to be able to dress up alike with or when going to a new school have someone to always be with. My mom said that we were like night and day though. As we grew up, we looked more like sisters, not as identical like other twins we knew that were. We did a school report on twins and learned more for why we were called "mirror image" twins. Just that, a reflection like a mirror. This explained why I was taller, her shorter. She was right handed, and I was left. I was more straight lace and afraid to get into trouble. She was more carefree and daring. As, we became adults, I married and moved to East Coast and she lived in the West Coast. I had two boys and a girl, she had two girls and a boy. Now, came July 2002, a month prior to our 40th birthday.  Doris had asked if her and the kids could come live with us as she was separated from her husband.  Would we finally get to have our kids grow up with one another? Would her and I get to be around each other like when we were kids?  Only God knew, and wow, did HE.  I came home from work and Doris said she must've pinched her skin near her left breast. She wasn't one to wear bras if she didn't have to, so thought the wire of bra was cause of this sore. It didn't go away, but, seemed to get bigger.  With her living with us and not working, she was able to get health care coverage and we made her an appointment. She was sent for a mammogram.  I got home on a Friday and Doris said that the doctor office had called and wanted to see her today, but since I wasn't home they said Monday.  Then those other words, "bring someone with you".  I knew what that meant. I asked her why she didn't call me at work. She didn't want to bother me she said.  Or, did she know it didn't sound good, and didn't want to know.  The weekend seemed long, she questioned what I thought. I was honest.  Her oldest daughter was 14 and that Monday they went into the room together when the nurse called.  Then, within seconds, her daughter, Ashley, came to get me from the waiting room.  I walked in the room and could see the look on my sisters face and knew she didn't get good news.  It was breast cancer.  I was calm, or was it numbness. I asked the doctor what was the next step. He explained.  Doris pointed at me and said, " I wish it could be her and not me."  The nurse looked shocked that she said that.  Doris said " No, no, I am not being mean, I say that because of her faith and that she could handle it better then me."  Could I ? Again, only God knows.  In August, Doris had her surgery and was told she would have to do chemo and radiation.  It wasn't easy for her and the children living with us.  We made the best with the space and Doris still was hopeful her marriage would work out. Her heart was to try that and go back to California. They left in September so she could get a new doctor and begin her treatments.  I knew I was to have a mammogram later in the year at my yearly checkup, since I was 40.  It came back fine. This was nice to hear, considering what we just went thru a month or so prior.  One morning, my husband had said he felt something on my right breast.  It was so small I couldn't even feel it unless I was laying down. I called my military doctor. He thought it would be just a cyst considering I just had a positive mammogram. However, with my twins situation he wanted me to have it checked out. We didn't mention anything to the children. It was draining enough with what we just went thru with my sister diagnosis.  I went to the referral doctor. Katrina wanted to come with me, not knowing why I had an appointment. Then I had to tell her when she went in the room with me. She questioned why I didn't tell her. We told each other everything. I didn't want to make her worry I told her.   The doctor dame in and   thought it was a cyst. She did a needle drain. Nothing drained. She took a sample. The results would be back in 7-10 days.  I was to go back to the doctor on a Friday.  I received a call asking if I could come on the Thursday. Not asked  to bring anyone with me, but  I already knew what would be said. A co-worker had told me earlier in the week that she had a dream I had short hair and that she was fussing at me for cutting it.  I smiled and said nothing.  God knows how to prepare, give confirmation.  My sister in law who is a mighty woman of God and a pastor  had called me that week as well. She said, " I was praying out to the Lord for you". I wondered why she had called to tell me this. I knew she always prayed for everyone in the family. She didn't have to call me, I knew she was our prayer warrior.  Again, God was preparing me.  I didn't say anything about her call.  I went that Thursday while my husband was at work to hear the results. I told him he didn't need to go and I would be fine by myself.  It seemed like I waited a long time in the room for Dr. Mitchell. When she came in the room, I tried to look at her face to see if I could tell what the answer would be. She didn't give it away in her face. She sat down and then  told me, it was breast cancer. She seemed sadder than I was. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to be strong while talking to her. I told her I  have an awesome support system and church family. Which I later found out first hand how true that would be.   She said, she wasn't thinking it would be cancer and was so surprise.  We scheduled my lumpectomy.  I wanted to wait until after Thanksgiving for the surgery. The doctor didn't.  She also  told me I qualified to have the Braca test done and the military would pay for it based on my history. Not all insurance will cover for it, and it is quite an expensive test.  I wanted it done and went to give blood. The results would take awhile to come back, when they did it actually came back negative. Wow, I thought that meant Doris would be positive for it. No, if we were truly identical twins, this means she would have a negative result also. I to would have to do chemo and radiation treatments.   I remember calling my supervisor Polly while I was in the parking lot of the hospital after getting the results that I had breast cancer.   She asked why I was so calm when I told her it was breast cancer. I just was.  Me trying to be the straight lace twin growing up, also made me try to be the perfect child and people pleaser growing up and now as an adult.   Was this what I was doing now?  Was it faith, or just that God had already prepared me.  I drove home.  Katrina, my daughter, had called. She knew why I went to the doctors.  I wasn't going to tell her over the phone.  I told her they wanted me to come in for blood work. It was true, I did just had some taken.  I got home before my husband, Cleveland.  Tony our youngest son was to have a champion football game that night, so he was at school.  When I came in, I told Katrina the results.  She cried, she just graduated a few months ago from high school.  I tried to answer her questions. I didn't want us to be crying when Cleveland got home. I called my pastor.  He said, " Don't let fear get a grip of you".  I told him it got ahold of Katrina and she was taking it hard. What child wouldn't, who wouldn't.  Bad news is never taken or handled always well.  It is the fear of the unknown.  I told Cleveland when he got home. He was quiet. Not much was said. We had a game to get to. We didn't want to let Tony know before his game. I didn't want him to even suspect something was wrong.  Katrina cried all the way in the car.  I tried to call our pastor again to talk to her. No connection, couldn't get ahold of him. The game was over, they lost.  I don't remember Tony's response when we told him, he was 11.  When I called my parents I knew it wouldn't be easy for them.  My brother was accidently electrocuted on a job when he was 26 and died.  Now, the two of us twins diagnosed with cancer. Are we going to live or die?  The big C does always seemed to make people think only death comes to it.  I remember my dad saying the best way he could handle it is by joking. I understood.   Doris didn't know yet about me.  When I finally got to tell her, she was going to let me know how her treatments were and when she looses her hair.  Since Doris was carefree, she wasn't always responsible.  I didn't hear from her for a few months. I didn't get to know if she did or didn't do her treatments.  I met my radiation doctor. She explained I would have treatments after my chemo.  I always wished I was told to meet my chemo doctor sooner than I did.  The thoughts of chemo, the idea of loosing my hair, the questions of what will I look like. I only knew of people on tv looking weak and almost like death.  I had never known of anyone with breast cancer, or young with cancer. I wanted to work the day of my first chemo treatment. I left work and went to my appointment. The receptionist had said my appointment was cancelled. It was?  She asked if I got my phone message. No!!!!  The nurse was sick. I was upset. I had prepared myself the best way I could. I didn't want to be told not today.  I had to reschedule.  My hair started to fall out about 3 weeks after my first treatment. Katrina asked me to hair spray it so it would stay.  I wanted it shaved. I didn't want to have the look of hair missing here and there. My pastor's wife had went with me a few weeks prior to get a wig.  It was long and blonde. Different then my real hair. Mine was shoulder length and dark brown. I worked full time during my treatments.  I would work the Fridays when it was chemo day and take the weekends off. I had 6 treatments. It seemed as each one came I actually needed another day off.  I was weaker, certain foods tasted blah, and I had a metallic taste in my mouth.  It wasn't  the greatest experience, however, it wasn't as bad as what I thought it would've been like.  Now, it was radiation time. I would go Monday thru Friday for 35 treatments. They marked with pen  the area to be radiated.  It didn't take long for the appointment. Just the going everyday was not fun. My doctor asked if I was tired, I said no.  Around four weeks in I now felt the tiredness.  I didn't realize the radiation would wear on me. The skin area was like a sunburn getting worse.  I survived thru it all. Thank God. My hair started growing and I finally didn't wear my wig.  Life was getting back to normal that we call it.  I was going to have a mastectomy and reconstruction surgery in February 2004  I debated if I should really need to do it. Work was laying off people and I didn't want to be selfish in getting a surgery when I knew my breast didn't look great, but not as bad as others were. January 2004, Doris called saying they found more breast cancer on her left side. She was scared, and upset.  I could only give her advise again. Have them remove the breast if it will be the best suggestion. She didn't want to loose her breast. She had surgery, they got the cancer. She again would have to do treatments. She was so angry.   Now, the end of February I had my surgery. It was going to be a long surgery and I would be in I.C.U. due to the nature of the surgery.  I woke up late in the evening. My husband was there. Why?  He needs his rest. I asked why he was there so late. He said, Katrina had a hard time dealing with my surgery. I wondered why because we prayed and she knew I came thru it with no problems. I told him I would talk to her the next day. He left.  The next morning, the doctor came in early and was talking about the surgery and when I would have to do chemo treatments. What?  Why?  They found cancer in the middle lymph node of my chest. I thought I did everything the first time around?  The doctor said to look at this as a miracle. If he didn't do the surgery the way he does and have to remove a rib, they would have never found it. I called my husband. I told him. He knew. He wanted to be the first to tell me. I cried. I didn't want to go through this again. I realized this was why he came late the night before.  My mom had came to help me with the drains and all from my surgery.  I started chemo in April. This time it was a stronger drug, given more often then normally should.  I got sick, real sick. I would take the chemo on Fridays and would feel okay over the weekend. Then by Tuesday I would be so sick. I only could handle chocolate shakes. Sounds like that was lucky to drink, not if they went right thru me.  Cleveland would call from work every day and how I sounded he would know if I was having a good day or not.  I wasn't working at this point because I was out on disability from the surgery. My husband also had to give me shots this go around of treatments five days in a row.  My legs and feet started to tingle and walking was hard. I didn't want to tell my doctor. I knew I had to. He said they might have to stop the chemo. He tried a different drug. Then another. Then he stopped the chemo. I didn't want to if this would mean the cancer wasn't "gone".  He said, sometimes the chemo can kill a person  then the cancer. I did the 35 radiation treatments again. I lost my hair again. This time I had to stay out of work for a full year. I returned in 2005 to work but only part-time.  Doris was angry that we had went thru cancer again. She talked to me on the phone and wanted me to be as angry as she was. I wasn't, I couldn't be. I knew God didn't give me the cancer and so what would being angry do. Change anything? I told her I was sad at times, cried at times, asked why at times. She even talked to my husband to find out if I was lying about never being angry.  She didn't understand. Again, life went back to normal as we call it.  Doris and I had the aggressive, fast moving breast cancer. Making to the five year milestone would be such a miracle. In July of 2006 I became a grandmother for the first time. It was a boy, Jordan. He was  born three months premature and just under two pounds. He was alive, and God again showed us a miracle. Doris, was pregnant and had another boy a day before our 45th birthday.  I sure was glad we're opposite in this situation. I was happy being a grandmother, definitely not wanting to be a mom at this age.  Doris was so happy being a mom. I think after all she went thru this was her new happiness.  In March of 2007, Doris called complaining of her hip and heavy bleeding. She went to the doctors and they did test. She found out in the same week that her hip was cancer that had spread. The bleeding was due to cancer in her female organs. They said it was the breast cancer that has started spreading thru her bones and body.  She was determined to do chemo. She had a little one to fight for.  We talked more, she sounded not as angry. She asked more about Jesus. In June, she wasn't feeling good. She thought it was from the radiation. They were going to keep her a few days. I got a phone call Saturday evening. It was a nurse. She told me that Doris wasn't doing good and she might not make it thru the weekend. They needed to do surgery on Monday, but knew that they would have to probably do it on Sunday as Monday would be too late.  I was confused.  I talked to her two nights ago, she was fine.  They found out her appendix had ruptured. What?  How did that happen?  They didn't realize it was that when she first came in.  I asked to talk to her. I knew I wouldn't make it to California before her surgery. The nurse said to call back later as she was heavily medicated.  I just wanted to talk to her. I wanted to pray for her and with her. She has to give her life to Jesus. The nurse said they prayed for her.  I thanked her and told her, that I still need to. I called my pastor. We prayed.  I called later and talked with Doris. We shared memories and we prayed. She gave her life to Jesus.  Hallelujah!!!  I know she wanted her kids to all be together.  Two were with her and two with her ex husband and his wife. We offered to take the children. We knew that would still mean they would be separated. The middle two would be with their dad. I called Doris, prior to her surgery Sunday morning. She sounded good. She wanted to make sure she said the prayer right. I told her we could do it again if she wanted. She did. We said our goodbyes. But, God knew. He was still putting the puzzle together.  She made it thru the surgery.  She was surprise. She said she remember saying she was alive when she came thru. I was surprise to. She remained in the hospital  to heal. She couldn't take chemo. This didn't help the cancer. The tumors grew. We talked often as we could. She was on strong medicine so sometimes she was drowsy.  I noticed that talking to her on the phone wasn't as often.  I had asked her daughter Ashley about this. She said she thought mom  knew  she had 6 months or so to live. Ashley had said they wanted to see if they could take her home. The four children were now staying at David and Donna's house. David is Doris's ex-husband.  I seemed to talk more to Ashley to see how  Doris was doing. I rarely could reach Doris on the phone.  The plan was to get the garage area cleaned up and see if hospice could allow her to go home. I had talked to Ashley about visiting the next week. It was October of 2007.  I was at work and had called Ashley to make arrangements to visit. I wanted to know if I could stay in her hospital room.  Ashley was going to ask the doctor when they were to speak with him later. Another call had came in and Ashley put me on hold. She clicked back, and was panicked. The doctor had just called to say Doris only had a few hours to live. What!!! They said she had a few months or so last week.  I hung up, I was going to take the next flight out.  I called my supervisor so I could leave work, I cried, I prayed. I had someone call for flights. I called my husband at his job.  I was going to leave to the airport. I wasn't worry about taking a suitcase, then I wouldn't have problems getting on a flight. There was no flight until the next morning that would get closest to where she lived.  My husband came to my job. Was I okay to drive home. I said yes. I called my older sister and she headed to the hospital. She lived a few hours away. She drove to the hospital. She kept me informed. I prayed that Doris would not die. I wanted to make it in time to see her. She couldn't die before then. I talked to my mom and dad. I wanted my mom to fly from Florida and hopefully our airplanes will connect in Atlanta. She couldn't go, my dad was sick.  I kept getting phone calls from Anne Marie. She said that when they told Doris I was coming her face seemed to light up. I was so happy. She knew. I didn't sleep much, I wanted updates.  I left Saturday the 13th. I hadn't seen Anne Marie in 19 years. She came to the airport.  I got my baggage and I waited for her. I was surprise we recognized one another. We even matched in our outfits. We drove the hour to the hospital. She had pictures on her phone of what Doris looked like. I didn't want to see the pictures. We just talked about other things until we got to the hospital.  I knew I would have to wear protective gown, gloves and cap when I went into her room. I walked in. David,  Donna and the three kids were there. The baby was at the house.  I was taken aback by what she looked like. I didn't want to give away my surprise. I sat by her and held her hand. She could hear me, but she didn't talk. Her eyes were closed. Her hair was short in areas from the chemo. One side of her looked like the Doris I remember seeing last in 2002. The other side showed what the cancer and chemo had done to her.  It was hard, but I had to be strong. I asked if I could pray over her. I had brought a prayer cloth. I placed it over her chest and prayed. I just held her hand and watched her. We all talked and visited. We talked about the different stories we had. The good and the bad. We laughed. I called my mom and dad. I filled them in on everything.  I put the phone to Doris ear for my parents to talk to her.  The nurse came in the room around five. He had asked some questions. He said he thought she looked good and was surprise that she had good color to her. They told him, she looked this way since late last night.  He told us, she probably will die Sunday. David had asked if they went home  to get a shower and eat would it be okay. They didn't live far. The nurse thought since she looked well they could call him within enough time to come back if any changes. I didn't want to leave. Anne Marie stayed with me.  The nurse needed to turn Doris. We left the room for a few so they could do so. We talked about whom Doris might have been still waiting to hear from before she let go. We didn't know. When we got back to the room the nurse had said her breathing had changed dramatically. While Anne Marie called David, the nurse told me what to look for with her breathing.  He talked to Doris telling her everything that he was doing. He asked her if she was ready to go. She said," yes." He turned to me and said " Did you hear that, she said yes." I did. That was the only time she spoke. David said they would be on their way. Anne Marie and I sat at her bedside and she sang to Doris.  Her breathing stopped. Anne Marie joked she knew her singing  was bad, but never enough to kill someone. We laughed at what she didn't realize she had said. It was our coping mechanism. We never saw someone die, let alone someone we loved.  Doris did breathe again. Anne Marie went to call again to see where David and the kids were. I watched Doris. She would breathe and stop, then breathe again. Each time the stopping was longer. She took her final breath at 5:45 pm. It was so peaceful.  I told Anne Marie. She asked why the machines didn't go off.  I said she isn't attached to any except the oxygen. We got the nurse. We asked him not to tell the family when they come back in. We didn't want them to know until they got to the room. I was worried about Ashley.  How would she handle not being there when her mom died.  Her and her mom were close. Sometimes they had to play role reverse. Ashley had to grow up quickly at some points. Anne Marie called David again, wondering where they were. He said he sat the kids down and told them. Only him, Donna and Ashley came back. They came in and said their goodbyes. We left to the room to discuss the next step. We left the hospital and went home.  I went with my sister to her sons house. We went to church the next day. Then Monday I met up with Ashley and stayed at their house to be around the kids. It wasn't easy. I looked like mom to them. Ashley and I talked.  She told me she kept telling her mom all night at the hospital not to leave her. It made sense. Doris was waiting for Ashley to leave the room before she died. She didn't want to put her thru anymore. She had been Doris's strength so many times. Doris wanted to be hers. The memorial service was the Friday. Ashley and I had wrote the obituary. Ashley wrote a beautiful tribute to her mom. She couldn't read it at the service. I told her I would.  It was a beautiful service as much as a hard one for the children. I spent the evening playing with the kids. I slept in the room with them. The next day I flew back home.  To grieve. I did  worry at times what I now would face. Would I get it a third time, would I die.  I had to remember not to let fear to grip me. I had to keep the faith. I did. I have.  I went back to life as normal once again.  I know understood why Doris didn't die in June like we thought or told she would.  The arrangements about her kids wasn't even decided. God knew. Again, another piece of the puzzle.  Due to the scare of her possibly dying in June, David and Donna spoke to Doris. They told her that they would keep all four kids together. How amazing. They didn't have to. This would make a total of seven kids for them to raise. David told me he might've been divorced from her, but they were married for ten years. He had loved her. Donna was friends with Doris, she loved her too.  So when she was now at peace that all would be well with her children. God showed us how he put more pieces of the puzzle.  Anne Marie didn't want to worry about getting cancer. She chose to have a double mastectomy in 2008. A month prior to her surgery, they found out she had breast cancer. We were shocked. All three sisters. Who had the icky gene. Her doctor told her the fact we weren't positive for the Braca gene it made the risk of getting breast cancer higher. I didn't understand that. Luckily, she didn't have to have any treatments. She had implants put in.   In 2009, my dad had died. I made it once again before a loved one had gone. He had died 20 minutes after we got there. I was so happy to have made it and to tell him how much an amazing dad he was. God was once again awesome.   Now, it was just mom, Anne Marie and  I left of this family of six.  Mom lives about 7 hours away. Cleveland and I go as often as we can to help her. I have always been amazed at my mom for her going thru the lost of two children and now her husband of 52 years.  The years have passed and God has kept me. In May of 2012 I went to my check up. My doctor was doing the exam on my left breast and said that's a cyst. I heard him, which I am glad he did say it out loud.  I had a mammogram scheduled soon.  When I went to that appointment I mentioned what the doctor had said. They did the mammogram. I waited for the results. They asked me to come in another  room to do an ultrasound. I waited. And  waited. I knew. The ultrasound tech came in and said they saw something where I will need to have a biopsy. It would be a week before the appointment. I told my husband when I got home I was not going to go thru treatments again. He understood. The next day I researched for a new breast doctor. My other one had retired.  I knew what I wanted to do and I wasn't going to have anyone to tell me differently. I went to the breast doctor website. They said they did same day biopsy. I called. They asked me to come in that day.  I was so impressed with the doctor. She explained so much information. She didn't even have any records on my history yet.  She had so much compassion. I was so thankful that she understood me. We agreed to remove the breast no matter what the results were.  They should have done that back in the operation in 2004 she had said. She rushed for the results, not wanting me to wait thru the weekend. It came back breast cancer. She scheduled me for an MRI and Pet scan. She was making sure cancer didn't spread anywhere else.   This time it was a different type of breast cancer than the one I had before. It was low grade and slow moving. When I had told my husband about the results we prayed I didn't have to do chemo or radiation treatments. Mainly the chemo.  Thank you Jesus. I prayer answered.  I was to have a mastectomy with reconstruction surgery using skin from my back in June. The idea was to put in expanders to stretch my breast skin and then implants inserted. I didn't think I could have implants due to the radiation treatments damage I already had. This plastic surgeon I was sent to said I could. My left expander got infected and I had to take antibiotics. Then I broke out in hives. This didn't help the infection.  The expander took some months to heal and didn't have to be removed. I was happy.  I had already planned to have a full hysterectomy. I wanted to make sure no cancer could spread to my female organs. This was done in January and at the end of January the right breast expander was put in. I broke out the next day with hives. Again?! Why? What is the cause. The breasts on both side were so normal looking. It had been so long in me seeing normal breast. I liked the results, but we couldn't find reason for the hives. Within two weeks the right expander got infected and had to be removed. Then the left expander got infected and had to be  removed. What is going on?  Wow, I was lucky not to have to do chemo or radiation, but this experience was almost worse, if it could be compared. I had went thru hives four times since the expanders were put in. Was I allergic to this foreign object in my body?  Now what do I do? The rest of my breast that remained looked horrible.  I was great-full I was alive and should be so thank-full. I had to be real. I hated what I looked like. I didn't want to constantly see a reminder of what I had been thru. I didn't want to be selfish.  Dr. Beatty, my breast doctor,  told me that I needed to be selfish because it was my body. How I love this doctor. She was real, she was a woman, she understood. God knew. I knew my plastic surgeon didn't have much options, and offered to try again the expanders. I didn't want to. I had been thru enough and didn't want to experiment again and the same results happened.  I went for a second opinion. I was given a different option. I went back to Dr. Beatty to ask her for her opinion. She told me not to use the second doctor. She knew of someone else that did a procedure and she saw the remarkable results from it. I trusted her. I knew she has my best interest in hand. I called his office before they called me. I wanted to get  things started.  My body had been sick the past year and I wanted new results. I met the plastic surgeon and excited for what he can do. My scheduled September 11th surgery had to be delayed six weeks due to the wound from my right breast when the expander was removed. My surgery is within 6 days.  I am a child of God and so in awe of his wonders. The past 13 years of my breast cancer experience I have watched God put puzzle pieces together that I wouldn't even imagine in my own thinking that he would or could do. I explained that Doris and I were opposite in many ways.  She had went a path of drugs and many times I wondered how she would stop. Sometimes she seemed to do more and or harder drugs. I knew she  needed help from someone higher than herself or I. I couldn't fix her as much as I would try. I loved her and missed her.  When she visited in 2002, I knew she felt out of place. She felt ashamed. She had thought  I lived a better life than her. I told her I only made different choices. She could live the same if she wanted to.   We had a strain of a relationship at times in our adult lives because of her guilt or shame. I think this is why she thought she deserved the breast cancer and I didn't. This is not true. She thought I did everything right. I didn't. How the lies we tell ourselves when our self esteem is low. Or how others might make us feel. Or what the drugs had did to her thinking. We all have challenges though, just in different ways or areas. I am no better. I can only give God the glory because I would have never known the outcome for Doris would be as such. Yes, she died. I know she didn't have to. However, God knows all.  I am so thank-full she is alive and I will see her again in heaven. God has made me stronger of a woman thru my experience. I have shed tears, I have not always liked everything I have dealt with. I know God did not give me cancer, and I now know the big c is not cancer, but  it is CHRIST.  All glory, honor and praise goes to Him. I love Jesus so much. I have an amazing husband who has made me feel so beautiful and loved me as I am. I have been thru 14 surgeries in regards to the breast cancer alone. I look forward to sharing my story of hope, love and redemption. Thank you Jesus. Amen.