Misunderstood Child

I was missed understood all my life
Growing up i no i didn't do right
But do you understand why
Miss understood my whole life 
Called a liar but who doesn't lie
Blame others all the time 
You act how you was taught and raised! Right?
See miss understood threw bad choices in life
I was to scared to tell anybody 
Every night wondering why 
You kept it from me..so that means you wasn't going to tell me?
I listen all the time all the bad talking about me and the way they treated me it made me cry ..
Nobody see it made it hard for me in life
I was never protected and abused all my life
Mentally and physically and emotionally i didn't understand why
I will never say or thought i was perfect but you no why?alot of my bad decision and choices came from being adopted from the wrong family who never had my side
How would you ever trust someone who lied?
But you  punished me all the time when i did ...seeing what you taught me was okay to lie
I had so much anger built inside.. so when i burst out now i am the bad guy
I was miss understood nobody didn't no why. 
Where mask on so no one see the other side 
Just to make me look like proublem child 
You made me blame my mother but why?... I don't get it , you did the same thing to me to
Right?
I am letting you answer the question so you don't say i lied
My birth mother  left me in a draw, as you say and it was abandoned place and survive by sucking my thumb, left in a draw almost could of died you said drugs was in my system.... But why are you different from her left me in that room why i got touched by a man you still with and trust 
I cried and cried 
I screamed every night wanted my real mommy 
what you do you choose your husband before a child you claim you love and send me to dyfs to and didn't want me
See how you taught me something you did to me..
See now you just took custody of a child and blame everybody besides your self Emily 
I was always sick do you remember that to
I don't even remember getting chicken pops ,do you?
Caused when i asked you questions about my birth mom and my family you didn't no nothing now we reunite after 33 years now you remember everything .. How? that is crazy to me but if i remember anything you will make me look like im crazy or insane
Its funny cause i always trying to get what you had against a child that you never gave birth to 
Why you faught so hard for me and i never remember getting adopted i just remember sitting on judge judy lap giving me a lollipop didn't understand how you remember that a judge that did the adoption for soupy but mines you had no clue makes no sense now the state had me but it still was a judge to make the rules but was i was always confused in to how you had my real birth certificate ..yes you did give bdays and christmas presents to but that is to make you look good when the mask on to hide what you do 
i need to be asking you these question cause you the one who raised me i was living with you 
I got in trouble for alot of things yes i try to steal from you but do you see when i lied to you cause you taught me to not tell the truth 
You put me in special ed knowing i never went to school 
I was being bullied everyday and not knowing why i never wanted to stay i did like school but the kids where rude 
Did you ever talked to me about just to see why 
No you punish me all the time and said all i do is lie
But swear you new alot about me when you really didn't you only new what you said i was and that is a lie ...not knowing my real mother was the reason of my pain caused your husband said to me she left me and didn't want me 
Yes it was part of it and you still have no idea the real reason why 
I cried for my mother and always had bad dreams i was always scared 
caused i never felt safe in your house i was never protected in there and you new why

You left me and didn't even care .. Monty promised me if i say it was a lie my father touching me i could stay any where ..   
You didn't speak to me for weeks 
I stayed in my room up stairs 

Now we all got a chance to grow up but i couldn't cause all the mentally abused was from you not my birth mother 
I forgive you but you no i will never forget
I lied for you cause i no you will act like it was never said 
but i keep quiet for a reason 
Why i was scared 
You will never admit to anything you new and said but it is okay you did it
God knows the truth about everything and no every thing i did or do was a miss understood child that Nobody 
new what i really went threw and how i was mentally abused to..
Just remember im not mad at you cause i actually thank you 
If these things didn't happened to me and all the crying i did it made me the person i am today 
all because of you 
My father the same man who touched me he new nobody will believe me that is what he said to me cause you show all i do is lie and you no you called me a hoe you said just like my birth mommy but he always did it while he was drunk why you didn't believe me
You crush my heart and to have me believe the lady who wanted better in me i didn't see
The same lady who called me out my name before i even started trying to steal from you
I did things to you cause you did it to me but i never got away with it cause you always catch me that was crazy
My anger and crys you would never no but i no one thing you do no my closure will never be healed from a man who took my soul and my virginity to
You treated me like a slave and the other kids you had to i hope one day you see that all of that
was wrong and messed up taking kids into your home with no love and thinking you was how you understand that hole i had caused you said you was adopted to
i was hurt and still will never understand cause the lies you said and yes some of it is true 
She mad at me for no reason i didn't do nothing to anybody
The same thing happened to my daughter happened to me to i almost died from a history that i didn't have a clue 
But i want to  blame her and you cause i am always going to be miss understood no matter what 
Just as much as i learned 
Time will always tell the truth 
to do the same thing you did to my birth mother knowing she needed help
All these years i apologized to you of what i done trying to steal from you and give you a hard time but still i would never get one from you 
Cause the not remembering shit that comes from you
I am really trying to understand the things you do was it worth it for a man that never want you 
Nothing you did was for your kids and kids you took in to..
It was for a man to touched and molested and do what ever he wanted to do cause you was a jealous girl who couldn't give him what he wanted so he touched little girls and got drunk and you allowed it to happen again and again until you found out you was also lied to.
Miss understood always need to be explained  in my book cause you see all the fuck up and bad shit that happened to me and blame a lady who you say left me in a draw with drugs in my system and acting like you dont have skeletons in your closet like you was perfect when you no what where your attentions of why you did this to a child that never deserves it or put her threw
You want to no answers where was she all them years and trust me i do to but .how did you want me to have closure to something you trying to reopen. I always felt that she was dead caused you wanted me to but i never believe it was true
..leave it in the pass and move on but how did you expect me to......my mother was a fighter just like i was every one with negative things to say grimmy things they do
Why did you want me to believe this lady was dead
Im confused..on someone you swear you never met or new 
You never had no answers for me why all of a sudden you remember things now and is it cause someone help you remember to 
You got to understand when you suffer from demintanal and you said my father was the one who doesn't remember that was the things you told me on the phone 
Yes i remember 

Especially the black girl you always call me said in spanish about me
I was taken away when i was 3 months year old 
Im older now i could handle the truth i no we all made mistakes including you
But why nobody knows anything bad or dis honest things about you 
Please help me understand what are your reasons of the things you said i do
Who is really my mother i promised i will never do what you did and judge you . This is real and true story coming from a child abused and always lied to 
I learned from the psych doctor the one you was having me go to she said when nobody believes you just write it down and write the truth and they can't judge you
I started doing that every time not only with you 
I remember the good things don't get me wrong but it wasn't to many i was always in trouble .. but i had to let no the bad things to it wasn't adding up to the person who you took in your home raised by a woman who treated me like nothing always had a problem with me like i asked to be with you

I love you yes i do i love every body who did me wrong and mistreated me 
I gave and did what everyone want so i could feel loved to 
I was happy and also i was worried about hurting your feelings i never heard good things you said about until now and it made me feel good  but getting older and wiser you never cared about me 
All my sisters and brothers was all mad at me 
Seriously what is the reason for that cause i finally spoke up for my self and told your husband was touching me so if i don't speak i have to carry this pain constantly
What is the real reason...that i am not like them cause you got them feeling they better then somebody .. I had confusing situations and lies that i try to understand  nobody could be grown enough to keep it real with me 
Its crazy Nancy How did you no she was gay she treated me more like her child that why i wanted to stay!! She treated me equally i was her ride or die she had my back when no one did she faught for me when she didn't  have to .. I was never a fighter or a disrespectful child i loved every one and even loved helping to i love to read books and even write to do you really no my likes and what i like to do  i was introduced to things and e pills i wanted to feel happy and not angry, cause i couldn't and didn't no how to face the hurt and pain alone out side with people again ..  . I blame my self for my choices i made but excuse me for not being raised and taught the right way.. !fault. quilt and anger built in side 
Thank you for letting me explain the reasons of the miss understood child