My First True Love

You pushed me away.. you distanced yourself so far.. We didn't talk about our problems anymore we quit..

You were suffering from anxiety and I didn't know how to help

I tried to reassure you that you had nothing to worry about, that I loved you and we'd be fine 

You seemed so unsatisfied with me and the more I tried o help the father you pushed me away

 After the months passed the distance grew it felt like you didn't Love me anymore

I decided to end our relationship, it felt hopeless.. I felt hopeless

-The Day I Left- 

You were crying and screaming "Don't leave!".. "Please we can fix this!".. "I'm sorry!" "I Love You!!" My hands were shaking.. I didn't know what to do so I got into my car.. You were so sad and I hated seeing you cry, I thought about getting out of my car over and over..I just wanted to make your pain go away.. But I remembered why I was leaving and how much pain your distance caused me.. I rolled down my car window, looked you in the eyes as the tears were blurring my sight and I said.. "No, it's to late for that, I have to go.. I Love You" I turned my car around in your yard and drove away  .. On the way home I couldn't stop thinking.. 

..what happened?!..                   ..why did things have to go this way?!                                    ..I thought we were meant to be together forever..

-That Night-

I realized what had actually just happened.. The first moment we met came rushing back I remember how I fell in love with you at first sight.. in that moment I literally thought to myself "I'm going to marry her someday".. All of the good times we had and all the promises we made about the future flooded my mind.. I couldn't believe I forgot how much you really meant to me.. You believed in me even when I didn't even believe in myself.. You always said I had something to offer the wold if I just tried, and I continuously let you down.. You were always so motivated and I knew you were going to do great things with your life..

..I tried to call but you never answered..                              

-The Following Weeks-

..I asked your friends how you were and told them I wanted to talk to you but they all said the same thing "She's good, she doesn't want to talk to you anymore"                                 ... I stopped at your house a few times.. then when you finally came to the dor you told me that you never wanted to see me again.. I took a step back, I couldn't believe you said that.. I still can't.. but I respected your wishes and left with my head hanging low.. it was that day I knew it was really over.. What hurt the most was knowing we would never be able to mend what was broken.. we would never be together again.. 

-The Days, Weeks and Months that Passed-

I was lost without you..         Depression consumed me for over a year.. I slept for days at a time, I didn't socialize anymore, I couldn't  eat anything.. I lost over 60lbs. But even in all that darkness I found my ways to cope.. Women were one of those ways.. I had sex with a lot of women trying to get over you.. And it worked.. when we were  having sex.. But after we were done the pain that was masked always came back worse and worse each time.. I needed something else so on top of the sleeping with random women I drowned myself in drugs and alcohol.. I sunk my own boat, I was at the bottom of an abyss of self-hatred and worthlessness.. My heart was shredded so I did the only thing I could do.. I picked up a needle and some thread and began to sew my heart back together the best I could..       Piece by piece.. Day by Day.. It felt like an eternity before I had an appetite again and even longer for the food I was eating to have any flavor.. Happiness was so lost to me that when it started to return to me it felt like it was new again, like an emotion I forgot even existed.. I started to talk to my friends again and my heart started to beat without pain.. I did it.. I still struggle with depression, but all I can do is try to stay positive even on my worst of days.. It's true what they say you know.. time heals all wounds, but be warned...it may be a slow and painful process.. that being said I have been lucky enough to of fallen in love since we were together.. Unlucky enough I've been heartbroken a few times since then as well.. And I am in Love again with the most Fun, Caring, Beautiful, Women I have ever had the pleasure of being in a relationship with, she is truly Amazing!! But I want you to know I cared about you so much, you were My First True Love..                     ..And as long as I'm alive I will always Love You because you own a piece of my heart and a piece of my soul.. I hope you never forget me or what we had.. I will never forget you or all of the good times we shared together.. not ever.. You know I hear things about you sometimes from people.. From what I hear happiness has found you, & I'm glad it did.. You deserve it.. 

-Andrew