This is now....

I am at my sisters house in Upper Lake California.. Here for a funeral tomorrow. My oldest sister's husband hit his head falling off a ladder a year and half ago. He was a criminal defense lawyer in Lower Lake. Loved by everyone. He would have seizures and continually hit his head. He would black out not come home for days and my family would search for him. He became some sort of a monster in a way. He tortured his wife and daughter in a sense. Till getting help the month before he died. The doctors gave him head drugs, his family had the best month they had in a long time. Then came that day when he walked through the glass door, mad, angry....words thrown by all three of them like knives. Then he stopped looked sad walked out the door. He died on a Sunday. He walked through the woods up the hill my parents own. To oak tree, tied a rope around his neck, and shot himself. In the head. He did what an attorney would do and researched it.  He is dead, and many struggle with his death. My sister, his wife of twenty years, and my other sister decided,since the search and rescue after one day of searching, called off the search,  they were gonna find him before the animals did. They snuck past the police, who were now aware he was armed, and in twenty minutes they found him. I don't want to know what they found, but neither of them will ever be the same. They have a beautiful twelve year old daughter Julie. The sadness is unbearable.it is the Unspoken grief. so real, so ignored by everyone, maybe not ignored. Under rated. There are more humans walking that hill then anyone knows, or is willing to admit. Had he not, I would have.