N.U.T.S

N.U.T.S (NOT USING THE STEPS)

SUICIDE GENERALLY SPEAKING DEFYS LOGIC REASON AND ALSO OFFERS NO EXPLANATION OR ANSWERS TO THE UNIVERSAL QUESTION AS TO WHY THIS HAPPENED.

JOHN DIED AT THE TENDER AGE OF 34 YEAR OF AGE.IT ONLY

HE WAS ALWAYS THE SO CALLED BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY.

AS A FAMILY OF 3 SETS OF TWINS ALL WHOM ATTENED THE SAME SECONDARY SCHOOL IT WAS INEDITABLE THAT I HIS OLDER BROTHER WOULD UNDOUBTABLY BE CALLED INTO THE PRINCIPLES OFFICE ON NUMOUROUS OCCASIONS IN RELATION TO JOHNS PERFORMANCE AND ATTENDANCE AT SCHOOL OR LACK OF THEREFORE.

ONE INCIDENT WAS AS TO WHY HE FOUND DISMANTLING THE GAS TAPS IN THE SCIENCE ROOM A VERY FUNNY THING TO DO. WELL WE CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT THE MA AND DA WOULD SAY.

HE’S NOW GONE AND MYSELF AND MY FAMILY STRUGGLE TO COME TO TERMS WITH WHAT HAS TRAGICALLY OCCURRED WITHIN MY FAMILY.

NO SIGN WERE GIVEN TO INDICATE A PERSON IN YOUR OWN IMMEDIATE FAMILY COULD BE IN SUCH EMOTIONAL DISTRESS HE HID IT WELL AND PEOPLE DO BUT THAT’S HOW IT ULTIMATLY HAPPENS.

JOHN MEMORY LIVE’S WITH MYSELF AND FAMILY BROTHERS AND SISTERS PLUS THE MANY PEOPLE HE MET IN HIS BRIEF STAY HERE WITH US.

ON MANY OCCASIONS AS A MEMBER OF VARIOUS SUPPORT GROUPS HE WOULD GIVE HIS THOUGHTS AND REASONS ON LIFE AND LIVING AND HOW IT ALL WORKS-GOD WHAT A PHILOSIPHER HE WAS…….

HIS MANY QUOTES AND SAYINGS PLUS WORDS OF WISDOM STILL LINGER WITHIN ME.

TO NAME BUT A FEW ARE “SLIPS ARE LIKE BANANAS-THEY ARE VERY DANGEROUS AND THEY COME IN PAIRS”    OR THIS STORYS TITLE

N.U.T.S

“NOT USING THE STEPS”

WHILE I MYSELF CONTINUE TO PROCESS THE ALL TO VERY NORMAL FEELINGS OF LOSE AND PAIN IN RELATION TO THIS TRAGIC EVENT I AM ALSO ONLY TOO AWARE HOW MANY DEEP EMOTIONAL FEELINGS AND REACTIONS FOR WHICH MY FAMILY AND I WILL HAVE TO ENDURE FOR A LONG TIME-ANGER,DENIAL,GUILT,ACCEPTANCE AND ALL NOT NECCESARILY IN THAT ORDER. NO ONE HAS CONTROL OVER ANOTHERS ACTION. SO WHEN REINACT THE EVENTS OF THE PROCEEDINGS DAYS BEFORE THIS HORRIBLE TRAGEDY AND WONDER WHAT IF I WAS THERE THAT DAY. COULD I HAVE PREVENTED IT FROM EVER OCCURING.

THE SIMPLE AND MOST LOGICAL ANSWER IS “NO” BUT ALL LOGIC GOES OUT THE WINDOW.

WHEN I THINK OF ALL THE PEOPLE I HAVE WENT TO SCHOOL WITH-FRIENDS FAMILY AND NOW MY OWN WHO HAVE LOST LOVED ONE’S I CAN ONLY SAY IT NEVER GETS EASIER TO LOSE A LOVED ONE TO THIS OR FOR ANY OTHER REASON.

SO WHEN I ASK MYSELF EVERYDAY NOW-WHY? I JUST NOD MY HEAD AND SAY GOODBYE. I BEAR NO ILL WILL AND NEVER WILL. I WAS GLAD TO CALL YOU BROTHER IN YOUR SHORT TIME ON EARTH, BESIDE ME YOU CRAWLED – WALKED AND NOW YOU HAVE WINGS.

TILL WE MEET AGAIN JOHN

LOVE ALWAYS YOUR BIG BROTHER