The Prologue

I was tired of being treated badly.
Feelings of being used and abused.
All of that teasing and bullying received as a kid.
From a variety of nasty attitudes.

I was menaced, beaten down and threatened.
They dared me to tell anyone.
I never felt any good about myself.
Saddened feelings, I just couldn't overcome.

As I got older, I still stayed silent.
Because deep down I felt like a hideous creature.
Couldn't find myself a girlfriend who loved me.
All I ended up with ultimately, was a cheater.

I've made some critical errors in judgment
One's I'll never be proud of.
I allowed the pressures of society to steal my life away.
Only my own death, I could think of.

It was really quite unusual.
Everyone says I'm a such a great guy.
If only they knew how hurt I actually was.
That in reality, I was really crying inside.

It depended on what the trauma was.
Or how deep the cut really goes.
Losing my wife unexpectedly after 15 years.
Is just a mere example of one of those.

I was betrayed by many.
Lied to and on by many more.
Turns out the ones I loved, I couldn't trust.
So I said "What do I have to live for?"

Are these events supposed to make me stronger?
I keep asking you God, I wonder.
Because 10 year old Scotch is my thing now.
The spell of coke and weed I'm under.

I'm supposed to be strong for everyone.
But who was going to be strong for me?
No longer can I rely on mere human beings.
And I was blaming God for everything.

One day I was like "Fuck It!".
 I've had enough of this miserable place.
So I planned a quick and quiet death.
And considered more just in case.

Only physical pleasures.
Was what I desired and craved.
Didn't matter about who was doing what.
Just as long as I wasn't delayed.

I was open as I could be (like now).
First and last mistake to be had.
Trying to please everyone around me.
I thought I was doing as I was asked.

One day, the answer came to me.
It was during a convo with "You know who".
I simply said "I'm tired of fighting with you".
He says in reply "Yeah, me too."

So we came to an agreement.
One that works for all parties involved.
He'll forgive me for all of my sins I've done.
And I'll accept the responsibility of my job.

I was happy when I went to prison.
Life out here was really killing me.
Those that I loved, walked away.
I was in an invisible cell, I couldn't break free.

It's going to take time to repair my heart and soul.
It's not going to be all chocolate and flowers.
But if it means I really get to live again.
Then I'll definitely put in my hours.

So no more blindness to the world.
Because my life and mind are quieter and sober.
Staying out of the devils playground forever.
Working with my higher power, til my physicals over.

I stand before you all, alive and much stronger.
My mind and heart, no longer in a fog.
Because I know now that everything that's happened to this point
Is simply what we writers, continuously call...

Prologue.