Purged

Constantly battling my demons, they never leave me alone. Whispering day and night, you’re no good, you should never have been born, why torment me this way? Voices that taunt, belittling, and egging me on. I cut my wrists to keep them at bay. The pain satisfies them for a while. The demons play with me, toy with me, paw at me. Their paranoid and controlling, they feed on my fear. They’ve called me whore, slut and bitch. Mummy silences them now and again with a hug and a kiss.

They like to dress me up pretty and buy me little gifts. I parade in front of the mirror and at my reflection I hiss. I’m their property they own all of me, say without them where would I be? Cover me with their special scent, eau de skunk, pissing all over my lamppost, there often blinding drunk.

They like to feed, they like me fat am making my own welcome mat the weight hides many a hurt. They breathe in every pore I can not wash them off. They follow me to school and control my pen. They scribble all over my art I have to do it again. Their vile thoughts control my speech they swear at all my friends. They sit on my shoulder and rain on my parade. They like me on my own, vulnerable and scared.

I’m never free, they reside in my head often I wish I was dead. I’ve pulled out my hair at its roots fidgeted and yanked anything to try and stop their assault. I’ve prised off my fingernails thinking part of them is living there, I can feel them crawling. I’ve wet myself in fright they’ve cackled and heckled in delight, revelling in my plight.

Sometimes they're my friend and I think it’s all come to an end, they make me smile for a while. When counsellors visit they smile and are serene, when she’s not looking there tweaking in my brain, driving me insane. No-one will believe me I’m sick you see. They’ve poked until I’ve bled and said if I tell I’m dead.

Tonight I’ve had enough the demons are going to pay.

I slice from ear to ear, now at them I jeer “Put it away, daddy, no play time today”.