Regret

In 2007 I was working at a college in Florida in preparation for the coming school year. Among the friends I made was an interesting young lady from Bangladesh. I was younger and a little more stupid than I am today and she was of a similar caliber. We were friends, but we had a solid foundation of “I hate you”. We simply rubbed each other the wrong way…

Well one day someone comes to me and tells me that they set up a prank for said individual: They planned to take her snipe hunting.

If you’re not familiar, snipe hunting is essentially one big goose chase. You tell the victim that you’re all hunting these little birds in the woods called “Snipes”, and rather than waste the meat by shooting them, you just scoop them up in sheets or pillow cases, following a knock on the head with your weapon of choice. All this, while calling the “snipe mating call” which is a very funny “whoop whoop” sound haha…

I’d been brought on because of our distaste for one another, but I wish I’d never gone.

The day comes and we arrive at the woods in the campus van, courtesy of the night security. I elected to really sell this to her, so for an hour or so we are “whooping”, walking, screaming, and running through the trees.

Finally after we’d had our fun we get the call to head back to the van, where they’d planned to break the news. The news of course being that none of it was real- that this whole night was for her- that she was duped…which alone isn’t too bad…everyone always had a blast doing it, victims included…it was like a rite of passage...but then things took a turn.

I was leading us back to the van when she stopped me…and what followed has at some level haunted me for years, even though I pretend to laugh at it occasionally.

Of all the moments in the universe, she chose this moment to apologize. I stood there, staff in hand, like a buffoon while she poured her heart out to me. She proceeded to tell me how sorry she was that she’d been such a pain. She communicated all that she’d been going through, but exclaimed that it was still no excuse for how she’d been behaving. She thanked me for the night and after literally baring her soul looked me dead in the eyes and said (I can still hear her voice), “I just want you to know…whatever happens this year…I trust you.”

I couldn’t even face her…I just bowed my head, not tactful enough at the time to stop the train. Given my silence she asked if I’d heard her…I told her that I did, and led her back to the van.

We got in and someone up front asked her if she caught anything. She said joyfully that she almost did and the snickering started in the van.

“I didn’t expect you to”, someone said.

Snickering gets louder.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because snipes aren’t real!” someone finished, to which everyone in the van burst out laughing.

And I’ll never forget the look she gave me before burying her tear-streamed face in her hands, while everyone in that van but her and I laughed and laughed.  We grew apart after that night and I never had the courage to apologize properly, and when the courage arrived, the opportunity was nowhere to be found.

She comes to mind at least once a year, as a reminder to be still- to be humble…to speak.