Restart, Reset, Relive

     December 7th, 2011 almost two years into the past but a daily reminder to why it is I have a future ahead of me. The reasoning behind why I view life from different perspectives, became more altruistic, less materialistic, and more loving. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is never certain, and today is a gift. That is why I believe it is called the present. Not everybody is blessed with the gift of life while I’m fortunate enough to have a second chance, a rebirth so to speak, to live out my life goals, dreams, and ambitions to the fullest of my abilities.

     On that day, December of 2011, after years of abusing prescription drugs, living in denial, self medicating in order to cope with all my emotions that I was desperately trying to avoid, I hit rock bottom. Fractured skull, bleeding in the brain, concussion, and no memory of what happened. None, just wires on my chest, IV in both arms, and bloody bandages bedside in my room downtown of the ICU unit in Detroit, as doctor after doctor shook there head in disbelief that I was still alive. Twenty-three million people needed treatment for an illicit drugs use or alcohol abuse problem in the year 2009, the year I knew I first had a problem. Out of the twenty-three million, only 2.6 million (11.2 percent) received treatment at a specialty facility. Too low of a percentile, especially when considering the fact seven out of ten people who even make it to treatment use again. Statistics show or indicate drug addiction is almost impossible to overcome. That no matter how hard you work at it, time you put into it, obstacles you overcome to achieve your goal, you will continuously be a victim to drug addiction. With that being said, I made the decision to check myself into Brighton Hospital, all odds against me, with plans of falling into the 30% of people who beat addiction.

     No time with family, no contacts to the outside world, living with strangers, attending classes, meetings, all a little overwhelming at first. Not to mention going through withdrawals, cold sweats, lost of appetite, having to face all the feelings and emotions you were trying to kill, had me seeing why so many people struggle with this. However, at the end of the day, you have to weigh the pros and cons out of the decision you made. Crazy how even when you do that, the thought of using again pops up repeatedly. How you think about if other people will still like you, want to hang out still, if you’re a disappointment, embarrassment to family, if you fail what the result would be. All things you shouldn’t be thinking or worrying about at the time. Interesting how the mind works. People who love you unconditionally, who you trust care about are the same people you would lie to hide from and avoid before treatment yet while at treatment your opening up talking to strangers, people you just met for the simple fact they can relate to your stories. What you done they also have done. Not to mention they don’t know the same people you know so your secret is essentially safe with them, don’t have to worry about anybody you don’t want to know finding out. In a way treatment facilities are a vacation, a getaway from all the hectic, chaotic, craziness life brings us, gives us a chance to self reflect, improve as people so we can return back home better and healthier human beings.

     Change is never easy. After so many years go by, people get stuck in there ways, follow a certain pattern or routine. Are comfortable or content with the life they live, came to terms and accepted who they are as a person. To have to change everything, your friends and surroundings, way of thinking, hobbies, phone number, address, the list goes on. It can be too much to handle or comprehend, come to terms with in the months of being facilitated. However, addiction is a life long battle which will test your mental and physical strength along the way. No need to overwhelm yourself, taking on more than necessary all at first. As the saying goes, time is the best healer. After all it can only get better, day by day you will improve and start to notice results.

     This December I will be celebrating my second year of sobriety, looking back where I started to where I am now is unbelievable. Currently I am working sixty plus hours, five to six days a week, looking into schools specializing in creative writing or poetry to attend next semester, and changed my address. It’s things such as those which are key to my success. Keeping yourself occupied with productive activities helps keeps your mind thinking in a positive manner. “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anybody can start today and make a new ending”. Maria Robinson said it best.