September 24th, 2015

~~September 24th, 2015. That was the day that was supposed to mark 3 years with my boyfriend, instead it ended up being my “move in day”. That simple phrase is quite clear, but yet becomes metaphoric at the same time. “Move into” your future, “move into” your new home, “move into” discovering yourself, heck “move into” all the above. The whole summer, including this very moment, I spent underestimating the real definition of this phrase. I mean, I have temporarily “moved into” several places several times for several days. It would be the exact same thing, I just knew it. Just like I know that nothing lasts forever, there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the moon never shines (only the sun) and the tooth fairy only arrives when you are approximately 4.63 years young (because right after that you magically become old). I had life completely figured out. Well, almost, up until the day I actually began packing for this infamous “Move in day”. It wasn’t just 3 t-shirts, 2 jeans, and 4 pairs of undergarments just in case I needed an extra for my 3rd day. It was my entire life I had accumulated for the past 19 years. Every memory, every shoe string, mismatched sock, bobby pin I could never find, anything that remotely defined me. I sat for days, simply attempting to decipher the secret of how to pack my identity into boxes. Things just did not make sense, how did others accomplish such crazily impossible task. After several days of analyzing, re-analyzing and even over-analyzing I found answers. I couldn’t take who I was to this new place, only part of it. Because who I am at this moment would only be shaped and molded into who I am one day meant to become. Although at this moment I don’t feel it, I carry an emptiness inside; one that has yet to be filled with undiscovered adventures and pieces of identity. I am not going to where I am meant to go to become an entirely new person, I am going to understand who I am and why what I do makes sense. To discover how one individual has the ability to impact several others. To fill the emptiness I never knew existed……..