A Struggling Grind

In life we are faced with choices, and sometimes the choices we choose to make may lead us down the wrong path, but whatever the choice may be the fate is truly up to you. I made the choice to fall in love, but if someone had told me that love would hurt this bad I never would have loved.

This is my story, life, hopes, and even dreams. Who gives a fuck it you don’t want to hear it. This is still my story and it needs to be told. I was born on April 23, 1982 which indeed makes me true to my nature and sign the bull. I am stubborn, and sometimes even cold, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. I have never been one to bite my tongue so most people find me a little intimidating which is fine by me. I am every bitch’s nightmare seeing that the Lord not only blessed me with a nice set of tits but I must say that when I was created I was perfectly made. I stand five three, one hundred forty five pounds, a set of double d breast that will make all the boys stop and stare. I am dark in complexion kind of like a Hershey’s milk chocolate bar. My skin is flawless and always appears as if I am wearing makeup. My nose is perfectly placed on my face it’s not too small and it’s not too big it is just perfect for my face. I have very keen eye features that make me look as if there is some type of Asian blood somewhere in my family’s history, but my eyes are very big as well. I get that from my mom she had very big eyes. Oh, by the way I’m Kiya a diva of all divas. The epitome of all women, I’m a twenty nine year old mother of two and have been through and seen more things than most my age.

I was born a crack baby, struggling for life. My stupid ass mother couldn’t give up her habit to bring something as beautiful as me into the world. I struggled looking and trying to find a better way. I met a guy about thirteen years ago, and never would have thought he’d still be here today, but my life sucks and love hurts. Let me take you on the journey of my life, if that’s what you call this.

As I sit in a darkened room, the smell of lavender and vanilla soothes the room and also my soul. I feel so warm and comforted inside. I’m in a zone. I bob my head to a slow pace mesmerized by the sweet sound of some old school Lauren Hill, as the beat mesmerizes my body I drift off into deep thought.

I was around six years old when my mother’s so called pimp molestated me. I was forced to perform sexual acts that a six year old child never should’ve been exposed to. I was made or should I say forced to walk the track. At the age of six I had no fucking clue as to what was being asked of me when I was told to hit the track and this is how I knew that I was too young for this life and atmosphere. One thing I can say is that I never turned to drugs like most people who are put in this type of situation would do. I looked at this as a lesson that was being taught but also a lesson that I could learn from. This made me want to rise above all defeat.

I walk around with a fuck the world attitude, because throughout my whole life, I felt as though the world was trying to fuck me in one way or another. My Science teachers always said “what goes up must come down, and for every action there’s a reaction.” I stand true to both saying because if you allow things to continue going on without reacting, people will eventually start to take you for granted and I feel as though I have been taken for granted. So now I am on a vengeance and whoever gets in my way will be destructed. If you can’t tell, I’m tired as fuck and someone must FEEL MY PAIN.

I dedicated fourteen years of my life to this man, not saying that for fourteen years we were strictly with one another, but saying that I have been fucking and sucking this man for fourteen years tough. I am the mother of his child and that means nothing, but a dog will be a dog and I should know first-hand, I’m the only BITCH in my crew so if I don’t know shit I know how a nigga operates, but no I had to go and fall in love knowing that nigga’s literally aren’t shit. Silly muthafuckin me. I tried to be his everything literally, opened up to this man, told him everything, but like the fucking snake he is, he sucked up all the information and plotted on his prey. If someone had told me that being a faithful bitch would get me a lifetime of heartache and pain I never would’ve fell in love, and yes I truly mean never. No one should have to experience the hurts of love, love is supposed to be something special, something beautiful, and something that is solid, but I assure you this shit is only solid one way.

Let me take you back to the day we met. It was a beautiful spring day. The sun was beaming and it was extremely hot for this time of the year, so I decided to put on my latest creation. I waited a long time to wear this outfit. it had to be the perfect day, and for some reason today felt as if it were that day. I walked out of my house that afternoon sporting a winter white see through balloon bottom dress and matching boy short panties and bra underneath, which I also designed to wear when sporting this dress so that I wouldn’t be too exposed. It fit perfectly. This particular dress was made to compliment exactly who was wearing it me. It hugged every curve on my body as if it were part of my natural skin. I must say Buffy’s ass couldn’t see mine. I guess those exercise classes I took did work after all because for some reason my ass looked real delicious in this dress. I got nervous as I stepped out of the house which was extremely unusual for me. I almost never ever got nervous or felt afraid. Hell how could I look where the fuck I came from. I had walked this street for twenty nine years of my life, so nothing was going to get in my way or put fear in me either. I pranced down the street making sure my ass jiggled with every strut. I had a quota to make and was determined to succeed. Only thing that felt good about this day was that I no longer had to share my money, because I was now the BITCH in charge of me, all profits were strictly what exactly they were PROFIT.

I came to 93rd street, when I noticed a black 745 that appeared as if they were following me. I picked up my pace and walked a little faster, but I couldn’t manage to lose this car that seemed to be following me. I ran into an alley that was on one of the side streets of 93rd when a man wearing all black and a ski mask that was covering his face grabbed me and put a gun to my head and told me if I made a sound he would splatter my fucking brains in the fucking alley. Thirty seconds later the 745 pulled into the alley and the driver jumped out and instructed who I thought was in charged to put me in the trunk, but one thing that I can say is that I never panicked. I wanted to yell and scream but I was taught never to react under pressure so this shit came as a second nature to me now and I knew this dumb muthafucka next to me was trigger happy. When I opened my eyes I was in a building all along. It was dark and I couldn’t move. I had to piss badly but I damn sure wasn’t going to piss on myself, I think I’m a little to fucking old for that one and then again that would show signs of distress. Who the fuck was these muthafuckas and what the fuck did they want from me? I heard the door open and slam shut, then I heard footsteps and shortly after that a figure appeared like a thief in the night. I didn’t know who the fuck he was but what I did know was that I would see to it that I killed this muthafucka if he ever untied me and I meant every word of that.