That Stupid Little Rock

THAT STUPID LITTLE ROCK © 2002 Gabriel Magno

As everyone knows, I was the first solo astronaut to leave the space station in a capsule for a 2000 mile research expedition. I picked up a blip on my radar just 300 miles into my mission, something very small. I was very puzzled on my approach because even at 100 feet it wasn’t visible, but it was on the radar, and there’s no escaping that. Suddenly, at several feet away, I saw it. I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was a very small star, roughly the size of a pea. A miniature sun!

Deploying the robotic arm, I captured it in a heat resistant thermal plasma jar and brought it into the cabin. As I looked closer, I heard a crackling sound, like a burning ember. It was emitting light and minute amounts of gases.

After landing, I never told NASA about it, but instead hid it in my suit after sealing it in kevlar covered asbestos wrap. With a lot of cunning and after stealing one of the special jars, I managed to bring it to my house. I didn’t want to share this with the world, because It was mine. I found it, and I suppose my selfish nature wouldn’t allow anyone to take it from me.

Months have gone by since, and now it’s diminished quite a bit in brilliance. It’s barely glowing at all. I’m sure it’s exhausting it’s fuel and it will be a dead star soon. At the risk of provoking NASA’s wrath, I feel that I should now tell the world about it before it’s gone forever, before it becomes a miniature black hole. My wife and son asked me what it was, and I said it was a cosmic sample I’m evaluating for the space industry.

Well, the other night, my neighbor’s stupid kid came over to play with my son. While goofing around throwing a bean bag in the air, he hit the jar, tipping it off the fireplace mantle and smashing it on the floor.

Apparently the star bounced into the fire and was consumed, because when I got home, all that was left was a mound of ashes from the wood, and buried somewhere in there was the lost remnants of the star. After my son told me what happened, I yelled at his moronic friend who ran home in fear. The little prick.

Ten minutes later, he returned with his weird mother who saw the star several times while visiting my wife. The confused bimbo calls it a rock. She really laid into me verbally, ending with how I was a ridiculously obsessed idiot by paying attention to that stupid little rock.

Now that I want to, I can’t prove to anyone that it ever existed, because my wife is so mad at me for peeving off her weird girlfriend, that she won’t talk to me. My son hates me now because I ragged on his best friend. The little neighbor butt face kid is terrified of me and threatened to call the police.

So, his mother, even if I begged her, which I know would never work, is the only person in the world that could possibly verify my story, but there’s no chance of that at all, because she’s a witch (or something that rhymes).

So, I guess after everything I’ve gone through, after all the cunning and planning, and finally wanting to share this with the world, I can’t. I guess you could say I’m really shucked now. (or something that rhymes).