The Choice

       I stood outside that conference room contemplating whether or not I should go in. Walking into that room would be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I made sure my composure was in tact then I opened the door up and stepped inside.

       Paperwork and statements have always been part of the job but this was a whole new ballgame. I've been on the force for 8 years now. Never in a million years would I have guessed something like this would happen. The door to the conference room swung shut swiftly behind me as everyone in the room laid eyes upon me. I felt like a cowboy who had entered a saloon. "Look at them”, I thought to myself, "All tucked in around that table like King Arthur and his Knights." There was an Internal Affairs agent at the head of the table, a rather portly fellow. He motioned me to take a seat. Very reluctantly, I sat down at the table, not really certain how all this was going to play out. I looked down at a sleek microphone and audio recorder that was before me with a slight trepidation.

        There were too many people here in my opinion. I recognized some familiar faces so that helped ease the discomfort I was experiencing somewhat. There were quite a few I.A. agents that were here though, that didn't really help much. Captain Nicholas Conway, my superior, sat just two chairs down from me. He offered me a certain look that greeted me but at the same time showed his concern for the situation at hand. Liam Matthews, my partner, sat directly across from the captain. He offered me a friendly nod of the head.

        The portly fellow who had motioned me to sit now began to speak. His voice was loud, boisterous even. His enunciation was impeccable. I instantly thought of John Malkovich, the actor. It was more than obvious he was the King Arthur of this table. His pores reeked of authority. "Mr. Alvey, I'm Agent Reynolds with Internal Affairs. To start off this preceding please state your name, rank and badge number, using the microphone in front of you, "he said.

        This was it, the moment of truth. My mouth was dry, my nerves were rattled but I complied with the request. "My name is Simon Alvey; Detective- my badge number is 3626." Agent Reynolds continued, "Detective Alvey, could you please tell us about the events that led up to the evening of July 8th? I should mention events that ended with the death of one, Jacob Henry Carpenter." I took a deep breath and looked at everyone around the table. I needed to be careful with what I said.

"That was a nightmare of a case. Jacob Carpenter, 23 years old, wanted serial killer, had been eluding law enforcement for months in multiple states. We were alerted of his arrival here in Albuquerque after the U.S. Marshals followed him up from Texas. They had a run in with him somewhere around Sherman where he was stalking a little blonde girl about ten years old. Luckily the Marshals got to her before he snatched her. Carpenter was quite adept at walking against the wind but he left a paper trail which was able to be followed this time round." Agent Reynolds looked on at me as if he had a thousand questions but he only asked one," What sort of paper trail?"

        I glanced around the faces at the table, gauging their expressions. Then I replied, "Well, we discovered he had been using an alias-hence why it had been difficult up until that point to track him. He was using the name Charles Dodgson. It would seem Carpenter was obsessed with Lewis Carroll, the author. Part of the reason why the media started calling him the Rabbit Hole Killer. He wrote a bad check at a convenience store and it bounced. They had him on live circuit footage too."

        I started to get a little frustrated now, "Why am I telling you all this? You have it all in front of you. You know the details. Let's just cut the bullshit and get to the point."

Liam spoke up, "Simon, take it easy buddy."

"I am taking it easy. Just stay out of this Liam," I snapped back.

        Captain Conway interjected, fearing what might transpire if my anger were fueled anymore. "Simon, listen to me, these guys, are just trying to fill in all the pieces to this puzzle. I know this situation is very stressful for you but it is for us all. Please take a deep breath and let's continue.

        That sounded like a great idea- I took a deep breath, followed by another. The captain was right- I was stressed. I just wanted to be done with this. I attempted to continue but the captain cut me off.

"Agent Reynolds- if you don't mind, could we just go ahead and skip to the night of the incident? We all know the details of this case backwards and forwards. We're here to confirm what happened that night after all. My detective is obviously very upset about this whole ordeal. It was his first time pulling the trigger. Let him just tell the story so we can put this whole thing behind us," Captain Conway said.

        The I.A. Agents looked at one another, no words were exchanged but through their expressions you could tell, they wanted this to be over too. Agent Reynolds took their expressions into his fold then gave me permission to continue with a wave of his right hand.

“July 8th- that's one night that will forever be seared into my memory. After getting word that Jacob Carpenter was in Albuquerque, I was immediately assigned to the case as lead detective. I worked on the case day and night, trying to understand this kid. I figured if I got into his head- I could figure out his next move.

        I was sitting in my favorite arm chair at home in my living room, just poring over the case files. I had spread everything out on the coffee table in front of me. I stared at everything intently: wishing, hoping, and praying that a lead would jump out at me. As I looked at all the crime scene photos I could feel my acid reflux starting to act up. All this made my stomach churn. This guy was sick. He was kidnapping and killing little blonde girls- all the same age. After they were dead he carried them into the woods, dug a hole at the base of a tree and buried them in it, vertically. He'd then tack a note on the tree with a quote from Alice in Wonderland. That's mainly why the media started calling him, The Rabbit Hole Killer.

        So here I am, going over all the evidence when I happened upon a photograph of a blonde girl in the files. She was ten years old. This girl wasn't dead though. At least not yet. The name on the back of the photo said "Angela Bateman." I don't know what it was but something told me to look into her. I immediately took out my cell phone from my pocket and I called Liam. As it turns out, he was actually at the precinct. To make a long story short, I got him to look into Angela Bateman. He discovered very quickly that she was living in Albuquerque with her step-mother Bianca and get this- she was Jacob's step-sister. It all made sense suddenly-I'd seen enough horror movies to know how this played out. Just like notorious Michael Myers- he was going after his step-sister. It was a lot to bank on but it was enough for me. I thanked Liam and told him if he didn't hear from me in twenty minutes or so, to send back up. He gave me the address and off I went.

        After about a fifteen minute drive, I pulled up to the Bateman household very quietly. I sat in front of 7658 Larkspur Drive in my Honda Accord and scanned the place for a brief moment. Everything appeared to be quiet for the most part. It was a nice Tudor style, two story home. There were lavish gardens and beautiful Boxwoods that adorned the front of it. It was gorgeous. I stepped out of my car and no sooner I shut the door, I heard someone scream. They screamed loud too.

        I drew my gun from its holster on my hip and ran for the house. I found the front door unlocked, I opened it slowly and walked inside. I called out to anyone who might be home. "Hello! Anyone there?!" Albuquerque PD, I'm coming in." Ms. Bateman yelled out to me in a panicky voice, "He took her! Please save her." I found her in the kitchen sitting in the floor up against the dishwasher in a ball. I got down on my knees to face her. "Where'd they go? Where'd he take her Ms. Bateman?" I asked.

       She was drowning in a pool of her own hysterics. "The woods," she replied. "Behind the house. Please don't let him hurt her." I placed my hands on her shoulders, "Stay here. Backup will be on the way soon. I'll stop him," I said. With that I left her in the kitchen and made a hasty exit out the back door of the house. I looked all around the backyard until I found myself at the foot of a path that I suspected would lead me right to Jacob Carpenter. The clouds opened up in the dark skies above and released a mist like rain down on me below. I took my chances; I pointed my gun directly in front of me and headed down the path."

        I stopped telling the story for a moment. This is where this was about to get tricky. I had rehearsed this a million times now but I was feeling a little nervous. I could feel my palms were sweaty. Captain Conway and Liam looked on at me worried. I think they could smell the guilt that surrounded my chi. They weren't worried about me. They were only concerned about their own hides. We're all animals after all. Are we not? Some of the I.A. agents jotted down notes as if they were taking note of my behavior. Agent Reynolds sat in his chair, emotionless, wearing the best poker face I'd ever seen. I could tell he wanted me to crack. This room we were all in shrank in size every time I stopped talking.

        I continued, "I headed down the path which led into the woods. It didn't take me very long to find them. Jacob had stopped at a huge Crape Myrtle tree to carry out his last kill. I caught him in the middle of digging a deep hole at the base of the tree. He had his back turned. The entire area was covered in a beautiful blanket of pink flowers courtesy of the tree. Angela was lying on the ground near the tree, bound and gagged. I came in a little further, approaching the scene before me very tactfully. This was like a scene out of an Edgar Allan Poe story. There were only so many ways this could end. I made a decision and hoped for the best.

        I yelled out, "Drop the shovel! Then get on your knees and interlock your hands behind your head." Jacob dropped the shovel instantly. He sat there for a second and laughed. "I was starting to wonder how long it'd take before I got caught," he said. "I hope you're planning on using that gun. You're going to need it." What happened next threw me off guard; he pulled a knife from his sleeve and threw it at me with deadly precision. That knife unfortunately made a home in my abdomen. I fell to the ground. Jacob took Angela and dropped her in the hole, vertically. She was still bound and gagged. I watched closely as Jacob walked toward me now. He was unarmed it seemed. I was on my knees on the ground, knife in my abdomen still. My gun was at my side, I had dropped it when I fell. Jacob looked at me, a smug grin on his face, the kid looked as mad as a hatter. He bent down and grabbed the hilt of the knife in me. I grimaced in pain and stared at him ready for whatever happened next. Jacob taunted me, "Look, I'm not sure who you are. You're too late though. This bitch is already dead...and so are you."

           A lot of thoughts ran through my mind. My life, my career, my family- all of this flashed before my eyes. I had a choice to make. I made it fast too, without hesitation. I mustered up every ounce of strength that I had. I picked up my gun off the ground so fast that Jacob never saw it coming. As I put my gun to his head, I laughed. I laughed hard. I looked right into his eyes and like a man with nothing to lose said...

            I took another reprieve from the story. Everyone in the room now was on edge. I couldn't do this. I couldn't lie. No matter how much Liam and the Captain wanted me too. I needed to clear my conscience. If I ended up in jail, so be it. I continued once more.

"Kid, you talk too fucking much." Without another word, I pulled the trigger. Jacob died instantly and fell to the ground. I heard sirens in the distance. Backup was on the way. I assumed my twenty minutes were up. I got up off the ground slowly and went over to Angela and pulled her from the hole. I removed the knife from my now bloody abdomen. Then I undid her bounds and removed her gags. She grabbed me and held me tight. She cried, thanking me profusely. It was all over. We stood there in the rain and waited for back up to arrive. I thought to myself, "What comes next?"

        I stood up from my chair. I pulled out my badge and my gun and laid them on the table. "Captain Conway, Liam- I'm sorry," I said. "I can't do this anymore. If I'm going to jail, you know where to find me." I pushed my chair to the side and walked out of the room. The sounds of angry men filled my ears as I put the entire scene behind me. I wasn't sure what would happen next but I didn't honestly care. My conscience was clear. I left the precinct and stepped outside to get some fresh air. I suddenly remembered something; I reached into my back pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. It was the note that Jacob Carpenter had prepared for his step-sister's death. I had taken it from the crime scene and never checked it into evidence. I opened up the paper to reveal a quote-

"Tut, tut, child!" Said the Duchess

"Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it."

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

Chapter 9

        I scoffed at the quote. I took that piece of paper, balled it up and tossed it into a trash can on the sidewalk nearby. I ran my hands through my thick brown hair then walked away from the precinct. I wasn't sure where I was headed from here but that quote was just a little too much irony for me.