My story with cancer...How i didn't let my illness stop me

Cancer did not kill me... It only made me stronger.

Life is not easy as it might seem (everyone knows that). But there are some certain people that we see around us in our everyday lives and we (mostly us young people) would wish to be like them. The reason behind that urge and desire to be like someone else- role models we call them, it is because we see a spark of light through them, they inspire us to be better versions of ourselves- we can say they are our driving force in other words. The thing is most of those people who are successful and prospects in many dimensions, 90% of them have passed through deep valleys, storms, tragedies...You can name all those bad things. It was not because they were bad people or they deserved it but because they had a dream with passion. They had set a goal before them and they knew that the only way to get it/there... No matter how deep the valley is, they will have to get to the other side, no matter how strong the wind/ storm is, they will have to behave like eagles and utilize it well.

Someone once said "when you are tired of running, walk. When you are tired of walking , crawl... Just never stop going"

There is something about us young generation that tend to drag us closer to the ground and for some reasons i don't know, we gladly collaborate  and stay down like a metal stuck on a magnet. It is very sad how we get activated  and easily become alert of the things that benefit us nothing- worldly pleasure... At least lets balance our time and get our priorities right.

There is something about determination that most youngsters don't understand. There is more to this word than just saying it or using it in a speech to sound smart and better. I for one has learnt it not in a so good way. But i am grateful and feel blessed to have been in a situation that taught me the ways of life that i didn't  know existed.

Most of us are filled with so much excuses and negetivity. These two words yields laziness and procrastination which often leads to  poverty. We are who we are because we choose to be. I have learnt that these statement " I can't do this/that" is nothing but a mere excuse that most of us use when we know that we just "won't do it".

I was diagnosed with soft tissue sarcoma cancer on my fresher's year in 2015. When i had to do the treatments in 2016, i told myself that i CAN'T go on with school anymore just because i had cancer. I dropped out of school in May 2016 and went to do radiotherapy and surgery at JHB general hospital which by grace was successful (they were able to remove most of the tumour) even though i am left with drop foot,mobility impairment (now using crutches for balance and an AFO).

The operation was done on the 5th of Dec 2016. Before the operation i had encountered lots of disappointments and discouragement. I will never forget the first day when i arrived at the hospital... I was told that my tumour was too big and that there was nothing that can be done to help me...I recall the words "just go home". I was in excruciating pains and i had no one. I had no family in the city. But i stood firm and decided not to give in the fight ...so i refused to listen to whatever they were saying... I was in and out of the hospital for about 9 months *it was the hardest time of my life then.

During this period i learnt that there is  power in prayer. I learnt to pray in spirit  and faith. Before all this, i used to pray just because it was like a tradition  to me. When God wants to protect  you or when He needs you whole to Himself, He can use  ways which to you may seem to be a curse or a punishment. As for me, i cried day and night asking God why, why me! I got so deep with my thoughts trying to reflect  my life just in case maybe i can find that one reason for the miserable, horrible experiences  i was facing. My condition introduced me to so many people i wouldn't  have  met. These people were not just ordinary people. To me they were and still like true living  angels. They helped me grow in prayer, spirit and faith... Showed me love with compassion.
Prayer... The most powerful communication one can ever have with the almighty. 
I slowly found peace of mind, joy and laughter. During  the first days of this journey, my life was dull and empty . I was caved alone  in the midst of no where, misery. I was  literally  lost. I didn't  know who i was anymore. Neither did i know where my life was going. With prayers in my heart everyday, i felt alive, i was rejuvenating bit by bit, eradicating all the pains and sorrows burried deep withing my soul. Prayers  gave me another insight  about  life, giving me hope and  filling my empty heart  with positivity. I began to realise how precious my life was. That i still  have a chance to fulfil  my goals and dreams. My mind was shattered. I had  depression, anxiety and selfishness had played  my mind. My spirit was suffocating within my being.

That is when i decided to take caution of my life. I decided to make rules for my body and my health and not to allow for the cancer to rule over me. I decided to crush the word "i can't" from my vocabulary and replace it with " i will".

That is when i decided to go back to school (start over my second year)... I went back on campus and within 2 months my cancer was worse than it was before. I felt like the devil was testing my faith here. I was convinced on campus and by the hospital staff to go back home because i had to do chemotherapy. I was told that it is impossible to do both (studying and dealing with cancer and its horrible treatments at the same time). This time i said i ain't going nowhere. I am going to do this chemo thing  and will continue with my degree no matter the circumstance... I will try and fail but i am not failing to try. Surely i did follow my instinct and do it. Chemotherapy is one hell of a treatment. It made me sick more than cancer itself did...Nausea and vomiting, hallucinations, weight loss, just to name a few. But with all that, i continued with my academis, and at the end i passed all my modules. 
I did all this with disability and a dread disease... I am not special, I simply didn't let a circumstance limit me or define me. I rather fail when i have tried that the other way round. 
It all starts with the mind.

No matter how hard it is or how impossible it looks, never stop going... Keep pushing, for you have all the potential you need?