there was a time

There was a time when I was lost, isolated in the darkness of a lost binder filled with lyrics, I was putting together a metal album and was dating a high school sweet heart Amanda. Our love was pure and I was doing better in school, I came home one day and those lyrics were gone. I broke up with her and spent years in a half waking life.
one song I kept was called "when the flowers wilt", it was about the broken home, through the singularity I heard a man's voice "end it all" and a woman's voice "there's something left to be said", well I said it, during my original awakening I came across a beautiful woman at the blue moon water business store front, 

words of an angel
she said make a masterpiece
I didn't know that I needed to master myself
and it takes a long time to put together
some losses, some wins
I had an epiphany 
an outer body experience
sleep paralysis... frightening visions
nightmarish dreams

I heard her say...
it doesn't matter what we believe in
as long as we're not hurting anyone
well little did I know she had fallen
to keep me safe... she cried when I left
I heard her sigh in the hallway
after I asked out the neighbor like a creep
she was friends with one of the neighbors
they set me up or did I set it up
It would of happened sooner if 
only they would of left us alone

I tried to take my own life
as I was cutting with a dull blade
I felt no pain... it felt like the end
is this what they want
do they want me dead
I heard the phone ring 
I started thinking of all the people I'd be leaving behind

I stayed in Eden mental health center
she was the eve... the origin
I spent my time writing and getting high on amphetamines 
I drank every chance I got... I was wasted
I spent some time in jail for assaulting a cop
the cop beat me up I retaliated
Mr'beast lay down, hit with a tazor
it was ineffective until the pushed me down
I'm grounded out on my feet
light as a feather, heavy as a beast
I yelled, I stole, I cheated, I'm an asshole and I know it

there was a dream I had where she was in the desolate smog
her spirit came to me at one point spirit is naked
the most beautiful body I had ever seen
Yet I couldn't touch or taste or smell
I couldn't kiss her up and down her body
like I desired to do cuz she was just a spirit outside her head
I've astral projected many times before but didn't always go
I pulled myself back when it was my turn to go see her
I went through a wrath because I am king
I have no reason to lie... she is my queen

A decade has gone by
last year I left to the west to face my shadow 
after I fell away from me and breathed in golden dust
I came back around to my home town 
I sang, I got a job...
my lady blue guitar got broken
by a jealous freaky woman
who seen me with another woman
when all I wanted was to find the one
I was singing to the wrong people
I wanted to sing to the one
one on one... alone in silence

she said "no reason to run", she was right and nothing to hide
she said "those games play no part in our lives" she was right except one game, avoid all the noise in the world and be together as one
she said "He does love me" lost for words I meant to say "of course I do silly"

I found my own place, and there she was
she had her head down on Christmas Eve night
I smiled and said hi... she looked up and gave me the same look she's given me every time I saw her
I didn't recognize her... she didn't have her halo
I realized afterward that it was her
I ran through the streets over to the old apartment
thinking she was there 
a young blonde drove by and said "he saw her".
I haven't seen her since
It was a blue Christmas cuz I didn't get to spend it with her
my father came over and we had turkey there was so much waste
didn't get to make my turkey rice soup
I ended up losing my place and going to Selkirk mental hospital
I met a woman Ivanka there
she literally fell on my lap
after an old lady was obsessing over me
I fell in love again but it didn't last
No one will ever last like the one

I ended up back in the town I left to come back around
one woman said "she does love you"
I knew that but who, she said "Gloria",
"who"? I didn't quite make it out... "Laura"
names are hare to make out ...
still unclear but I call her Gloria or my Fair Lady Blue...

here I am after what I thought would be a walk in the park
I knew something was wrong... I felt it in my bones
like a cold dark cloud came over this town
did it feel like a shadow came into town
did you see a shroud around the in-crowd

here I am connected with her at last
whatever her name is ... she may be from the past
But the one I can't seem to forget no matter how hard I've tried
every doubt I've had for another woman was her on my mind
still something is frightening... something devastating
She's the queen of pain now and she don't cry no more
she just wants my love and that's all she'll ever get
I have to keep reminding myself to patiently wait
you must understand it's been a long time coming 
and it won't be the same as it would of been a decade ago
a lot has changed, Our holy matrimony will be through song and dance
we'll dance the tango... while John and Jane Smith are dancing the waltz

still we are distant, every time I let go a part of me dies, I don't feel right, she makes life worth living!