Three Days Without
CLAIRE
‘Three days left. Only three days until my life is gone. Only three more days until my life is finally-. Over. Finally. Through. Gone. Done. Ending. The suffering can finally be done. All I need to do is say my goodbyes. I have three days. That's all I'm giving myself. I would prefer for it to end sooner, but I need some preparation time. These past few days have been living hell. All I need is to get more pissed off before I go. Great. Whatever. I get to deal with it for three more days.’
I look up to my bathroom mirror and I realize there are tears streaming down my cheeks. My hair is hanging flat, brown as always. My eyeliner is running down my face. My bright-green eyes are turning red with the tears. I see a figure in the mirror. She walks in and squats down in front of me. I look away and bite my lip.
"You need to stop doing this." The figure that is my mother, says in a harsh tone. I get up and walk away.
"I don't care." I say hoping she won't hear me. My hands go to my face and I wipe my eyes. I grab my keys and phone and walk out of the house. I pull out my phone and scroll through my contacts looking for the name I want. I glance up and see the one person who knows what I'm going through. I quickly look back down and slow my pace.
"Claire, what's wrong?" He turns and pulls my chin up so I have to look at him as I stop. "What's wrong?" he repeats. I shrug away from his hand and keep walking.
"You already know" I mutter. I hear him following me and I slow down. "I'm sorry, you'll understand in three days. In three days I'm-." I stop myself and bite my lip to hold back the tears again. He catches up and walks next to me.
"I'm going to take you out and you'll tell me then."
I slow down again and sigh, "Fine." I glance over to him, in his typical black jeans and gray hoodie; His soft brown hair styled into a typical quiff. His bright blue eyes catch mine and I know he sees right through the mask I've worked so hard to create. My gaze drops and I realize we're at his gorgeous Porsche. "I love your car" I say softly as I open the door and get in the passenger side.
He looks at me with an incredible smile on his lips. "Where should I take you?" He starts the car's engine and a small smile comes to my mouth at the deep rumble of the car
"Anywhere out of this town." I say almost happily and wipe my eyes again hoping to rid my face of the tear stains. The boy next to me looks me over in worry. His eyes rest on my wrist and fill with tears. "I'm sorry Daymon. But you've known for a while" I say bitterly as I pull the sleeves of my jacket down.
"I know" he whispers and pulls out of his parking space.
CLAIRE
We're driving in silence as I fidget with my sleeve. "Are you mad at me?" I say looking towards him timidly. He grips the steering wheel tightly and sighs.
"Claire. I could never be mad at you," His grip loosens and he looks over at me. Piercing through me with those eyes against his pale skin. "I'm just worried about you." I look away from his gaze and pull my sleeve down further. All you can hear for a brief minute is the low growl of the engine running and our paced breathing.
"I'm going to miss you." I whisper, tears filling my eyes. I glance up at him. ‘My best friend, one reason I'm still here, one reason I'm leaving, the one who knows everything-, almost.’ The gorgeous boy sees my wet cheeks and pulls over.
"What do you mean?" Pause. He waits for my answer but I can't get anything out. Pause. "What do you mean you're going to miss me!?" I hear the worry and urgency in his voice, but all I can do is look down and fidget.
"Nothing. You weren't supposed to hear that." I hear keys pulled out, a door opening and closing. Then silence. I don't dare look up. The door to my right opens and the strong arms of my best friend lift me up and out of the car. He sits me on the roof of the car and stands in front of me.
"I don't care if I was supposed to hear it or not," He makes me look at him, the person I want so much. "But you said it, and now you have to tell me what you mean." ‘I know he’s right but what am I supposed to say? I love you and I'm still going to kill myself in three days, but I'll miss you? No. I can't tell him.’
"There’s no way to explain it" I whisper and shift away from the boy I love.
"Fine. Then tell me when you know how to." I feel so bad, tears are streaming down my face, I know he’s hurt, but there's nothing I can do about it.
"You'll know Monday." I whisper. My head stays down, my eyes close. ‘All I can imagine is how he will react. How I know he'll blame himself, how hurt he will be. A picture of him sobbing on the floor won't detach itself from the back of my eyelids. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to get rid of it without opening my eyes.’ I hear a rush of warm air on my neck and I feel nervous hands rest gently on my knees. The hands slowly rise up my legs and around my waist. I sigh and let myself slide into his arms and into a tight hug. "You still haven't told me where you're taking me." I murmur into his shoulder. He just pulls me closer to his chest. After a moment, he loosens his grip and I feel his lips near my ear.
"Don't you ever leave me," he whispers and I instantly tear up. All I can do is nod, even though I know I'm lying to him even more. He pulls away and picks me up. "I'm taking you to my cave." he says excitedly. ‘Of course he means his basement, but I'll let him have his moment.’ He unlocks his house and pulls open the door. With a large sweeping motion, he puts me down and lets me enter the house. As I step inside, I look around the house I know so well.
"I love your house," I murmur and walk to the kitchen. As I feel him follow me in, I pull open the fridge and start rummaging through it. "You have no food, and I'm hungry. That’s a problem." The fridge door closes in front of me.
"You're looking in the wrong part of the house." He walks away and goes downstairs. As I stand up to follow him I hear a soft call from his direction. "More food down here." his raspy voice echoes throughout the house and I enter The Cave. Daymon is at the fridge, pulling out various drinks and food items as I plop down on the beanbag chair.
"What are you making me?" The only response I get is a grunt. I groan in hunger and pull off my bracelets. Dropping them one by one on the floor.
"Whatcha doin?" he walks over to me, handing me my sandwich.
"The bracelets are rubbing on them, it’s annoying" I take off three more. "Thanks" I murmur as I take a bite. My eyes widen and I smile "This is amazing" I glance to him and he’s watching me with a smug grin on his face.
"I know, I'm an amazing cook" I chuckle and keep eating, I can feel his gaze drifting over my body and our eyes meet as I look up. I put the last bite in my mouth. I stand up and grab a drink from the counter before walking back to sit next to him. Our legs brush together and I feel butterflies reach my stomach. I lean my head on his shoulder and let out a sigh.
"Why is life so annoying?" His arm wraps around my waist. ‘If you didn't know us you would think we were a couple. Hah. I can only wish.’
"I don't know Claire, sometimes it just is. But you have to hold on, you have to." I glance up and his eyes are tearing up. He knows something. He rubs my arm slowly and sighs. "Please hold on." He whispers. I bite my lip and scoot closer.
"I'll try."
DAYMON
‘What is wrong with me? Why can't I make her see that I need her here? I know she's planning on leaving me. Leaving the world. I'll stop her, but I want her to stop herself first. Claire is still next to me; I think she fell asleep. Cute. I look over to her and I see her closed eyes and finally relaxed body.’ “I love you.” I whisper and rub her arm. ‘It’s nice to finally say it even if she isn't conscious to hear it. Why can't she see how beautiful and smart and perfect she is? Claire could honestly be anything she wanted, anything she sets her mind to. But she’s too caught up on hating herself to realize it. She can't see how talented she is: she is an incredible writer, takes beautiful photographs, and she has an amazing voice. Why can't she realize she could use all or any of those things? Because Claire doesn't see all those things, she thinks she's a worthless piece of shit. Why does she think that? Because her dad left her, her mom is a drunk who cries over soap operas every night and throws everything in her reach as soon as someone dies. Or someone’s mom’s brother cheats on a grandmother’s niece's daughter. Or someone goes to the hospital from overdose on drugs. Or, or, or, or. The only reason she stayed in the house is because of her little sister, Alice. Claire doesn't have enough money to move out and take her sister with her.’ So, she won't leave. Her eyes flutter open and she starts crying.
“Claire?” What's wrong?” I pull her closer as she sobs into my chest. “Shhh, Claire bear, what's wrong?” There is worry thick in my voice and I hear a sniffle from the girl in my arms. “Claire, what happened?” I whisper in her ear. She sniffled again and wipes her eyes.
“I-I had a dream.” she chokes out.
CLAIRE
‘What happened? I was dreaming about nothing. Then. I don't know. Daymon was there. And-. He said, “I love you” But-. It was just a dream. Not real. Didn't happen.’
“I had a bad dream.” I whisper in hope to clear it up. He pulls me to his chest and rocks me softly.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he questions gently. I sniffle and cry silently into his shirt.
“No, I don't want to. I-it will never happen. Its ok” he sighs and rests his cheek on my head. “I'm sorry.” I whisper as he rocks me.
“Claire, you have nothing to be sorry about.” he says firmly. After a moment of silence, and many sniffles, i look up.
“Daymon, why did my dad leave? Did I do something wrong?” I whisper into his shirt. He pulls me back and looks me over.
“Claire, your dad left because he didn't know how lucky he was. He didn't know how perfect you would turn out and how much you would need him.” I look back in shock.
“I think he hated us for something we did.” I whisper, not accepting his answer. Tears are streaming down my cheeks.
“Claire, you have done nothing wrong, yeah, you screwed up a couple times, but you have worked your ass off to keep you and Alice alive and working.” I drop my head avoiding his gaze and fidget with my sleeve.
“How did I get so lucky to have you as my best friend?” he chuckles
“I don't know, you're just the lucky winner I guess.
CHARLIE, 6 YEARS PRIOR, DAY
‘What am I doing here? My wife at home all day, cooking, and cleaning, and taking care of Claire and Alice, and trying to work to support them. Then there’s me, the worthless one. Everyday I go out ‘job searching’ when I really go through one application process, go to a bar and get drunk, and then come home that night ‘turned down many times’ but smelling like a prostitute’s lips. But that amazing woman, my wife Emma, never says anything. I know she knows, but she cares about the kids and having enough money for them too much to deal with her emotions. So again, I ask, “What am I doing here?” Sitting on the ground on the corner of 26th and Cedar Street, Miami, Florida. Nothing. I'm doing nothing. I love my family, I really do. But am I holding them back? Am I making it worse for them? I think so. I'm not sure. Claire. She’s so beautiful and talented. She inherited everything from her mother, nothing but her eyes are from me. Thank God for that. And then there’s Alice, my blonde-haired bundle of energy. She’s just like me and it makes me worried. She has to be more determined. Alice can't end up like me. What would I do without them? They are my pride and joy. But I'll have to learn to be without them because I don't deserve this perfect happy family when all I’m good for is getting drunk and swallowing pills. Emma will be fine. I know it. Or at least I hope she will. That woman is the most beautiful, smart, perfect person in the world. How in the hell did we get together? I used to be motivated, smart, caring, all those things. We met in college. Fell in love. Blah, blah, blah. I don't even know what happened from Yale to now. I graduated; got married; had kids. Lots of people do that, so why did I turn out like this? I guess I know what I need to do. But it will be so hard. I'll do it tonight. I just need to make sure Claire can find a way to me if she needs.’
CHARLIE, 6 YEARS PRIOR, NIGHT
I sneak into our room and put on some old jeans and a T-shirt, I grab some clothes and put them into a duffle bag. My bag goes by the door and I go to the girls’ room. Through the bookshelf until I find the book I want, The Hobbit, I read it to Claire every summer. As I pull out my pen and the book, my eyes fill with tears. I open the book to the back page and write:
“My darling Claire, I don't know when you will see this. But when you do, just know I love you. So much. You, your sister, and your mom. You all mean so much to me. You think I'm a horrible person for leaving, but if you ever want to ask me about it, or anything for that matter, you can. I hope I see you again someday when you have matured into the beautiful, talented woman I know you can be. I love you all. Goodbye.
Love,
Charlie XOXO
Charlie.x.mayes75@yahoo.com
I'll keep it forever. See you someday.”
As I sign the page a tear drips onto it and I know the stain will stay. I grab my things after putting the book back and step out the door with my head down, leaving the life I want so much, but have ruined through a lack of determination. I screwed it up for myself and am making life harder for the people I love. So I'm leaving. I take one sad glance back to the door and get into the taxicab, off to an unknown city with an unknown future.
CLAIRE
Sitting in Daymon’s bathroom. Just wanting to reach into the cabinet where I know there will be a razor. ‘No. Stop thinking about it. If I leave it alone it will go away. Just stop. Now. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Ok. I'm leaving the bathroom, out through the hallway and back to The Cave. He's still sitting on the couch staring at the ceiling.’
"Daymon, are you ok?" I whisper as I sit next to him. His head turns slightly to face me
"Claire, why are you still here in dropout florida. You can do anything you want in the world. You are so talented and smart and beautiful, you could honestly do whatever you want. If you just got out of this town." I look back in shock. Unable to realize what he just said. ‘Did he call me beautiful? And smart and talented? No, that's not possible.
"I-" I stammer, thinking of what to say "Did you just call me beautiful?" I say shakily. He chuckles and looks back to the ceiling.
"Yes, I did just call you beautiful. You don't realize it, but you really are. You think so poorly of yourself when really you are so outstanding" he trails off and leaves me for a loss of words.
‘I'm just sitting there looking straight at him. How could he think that? It’s not true. It can't be. He can't think of me like that. Does that mean he just thinks I'm pretty or does he like me?’
DAYMON
‘Shit. Did I just say that? No, no, no, no, no she wasn't supposed to know how exactly I think of her. Of course she still doesn't know the big thing. But still, this sucks. She’s not supposed to know! This could ruin things; she doesn't like me, let alone love me. It’s not possible, I'm the one who’s head over heels and hiding it. She can’t know, maybe I'll tell her at a last resort to keep here. But not yet. No, what am I talking about? She can never know. It will ruin everything. I wish she could know, but if she doesn't feel the same, then... Ugh, why is this happening? She’s on the phone talking to Alice. God she looks beautiful. Sniffle. She’s starting to cry again. Dammit. She can't cry again. Whatever, these are happy tears. It will be ok. She’s talking to Alice, they have to be happy tears. Oh, she’s hanging up. Wait, she doesn't look happy.
“Is everything alright?”
She sits next to me and rests her head in between her knees. “She’s in the hospital Day”
What? What did she just say? Alice is in the hospital? Or is she talking about Emma?
“W-who?”
She sobs silently and looks up to me “My mom” her head drops again and I rub her back.
“What happened?”
“S-she was drinking, a-and she went out” she pauses and gasps for breath “She got stabbed”
‘What. No. Did I hear that right? Emma is in the hospital. Alice called to tell Claire. Emma is in the hospital?! Yeah, she's an alcoholic, but she’s never goes out when she's drunk, she rarely goes out in general.
“Do you wanna go? I'll take you.” I'm still confused, but Claire seems really scared about this. She usually acts like she hated her mom, but I knew she did care about her. Still, its not like any of them. Alice is usually more concerned about her boyfriend and herself, Claire is always with me or alone, never giving second glance to her mom. But Emma, I don't know. Something must be wrong, more than what Claire is giving off.
“Yeah.” She whispers and stands up. She grabs her bracelets and shoves them in her pocket. I stand up and follow her upstairs, and outside to my car.
“You ok?” I say as I start the engine and pull out of the driveway.
She starts sobbing again and gasps to catch her breath “N-no” she chokes out and I let the silence go on. ‘I'm still incredibly confused but I'll ask Alice. She seems more stable.’ We arrive at the hospital and we get out of the car. We both stop moving and look up at the hospital, we exchange a silent glance and walk forward into the check-in. “I'm here to see my mom, she was checked in earlier today. Emma Peterson.” her voice is surprisingly stable. The woman at the desk smiles.
“Of course, shes on the third floor, room 325. I'll just need to see some ID.” Claire takes out her wallet and hands her the drivers licence. I follow suit and look at Claire.
“My dad left when I was little, I still have his last name. Sorry for inconvenience.” She murmurs. The woman nods and glances at me.
“And you are?”
I look up startled, then my brain processes what she said. “I'm a family friend” i mutter.
She smiles at looks between us “Ok, here are your visitor passes. You have to leave by 5pm, so you have about three hours. You’ll just go down the hall, to the elevator, third floor, the room will be to the left.”
“Thank you.” Claire says flatly and turns on her heel to the elevator. I follow close behind.
We get to the room and Claire collapses on the floor when she sees her mom. Alice is already crying in a chair and I stand there. At the door. Frozen in shock.
ALICE
How did this happen? I came home and my drunken mom was laying on the stairs to our apartment. First I thought she fell down the stairs, but, it was worse than that. From what I guessed, she went out and got drunk, she got jumped or robbed or something and she was stabbed. Holy shit. I'm only 13, and Claire was out, with Daymon, her best friend who I can tell she's totally in love with, and Drake was out of town. I was so worried, so confused. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. Something happening to my family, we had already been through so much. Why did stuff keep happening? Now we're sitting here, mom is unconscious and still bleeding. Claire is sobbing into Daymon’s arms, and he just looks shocked, his facial expression honestly hasn't changed since he walked in. I think he likes her back. But whatever. Why wasn't mom waking up? She needs to wake up. I realize tears are still streaming down my cheeks and I wipe my face, not liking to show emotion. Claire has never showed this much emotion for mom before, if she's the one bawling, what am I supposed to do. How do I be the strong one? I've never had to before. Oh, Daymon has a different expression now. Hes looking at Claire, my god, hes really hot. He looks so sweet and soft. He looks.... I hate to admit it, but he looks so in love. I think Claire fell asleep because she's silent now and Daymon has relaxed.
“Wow, how did I just now realize it?” I whisper to myself. Daymon glances up at me startled.
“What?” he asks in wonder, looking intently at me.
“You really love her” I look towards him straight in his eyes and a small smile lights up my face. “You can't deny it, you are completely head over heels for her.” my smile widens and I feel like I look insane. He looks back in shock and his mouth gapes open.
“I-I.” He pauses “Um” he breathes out loudly “Yeah, I actually do.” he looks down in embarrassment “How did you know?”
I chuckle and look at him in awe “Its obvious. At least from my point of view it is .”
“Wow, I hope she doesn't notice it like you did.”
“Um, are you blind?” I ask in shock. Did he really not realize she totally loved him? It is so obvious.
“No? Why?” wow he is so confused. So blind, or oblivious.
“She totally digs you. Like she has for a while. Didn't you know?” Look at me, my mom is unconscious and bleeding, and here I am, playing match-maker.
“N-no. I didn't, um how do you know?” Hes soooo oblivious! Like wow.
“She just does, trust me.” He glances down at Claire and smiles softly. They would be so cute together, just look at them. They're perfect for eachother.
“O-ok. Don't tell her about this please?” hes still looking at her, but speaking to me.
“I won't, don't worry.” He sighs and rubs her arm gently, I watch as he leans his head back and slowly drifts off to sleep with her. God they're cute.
CHARLIE, 9 YEARS PRIOR, AUGUST 21
I'm woken up in bed to the sound of giggling girls and choked out whispers. A smile lights up my face but I keep my eyes closed.
“Shh! He’s sleeping!” another giggle rings through the room and I feel pressure land on my bed as one of them crawl up to my head. I hear a slight shaking sound and feel my hand moved. They’re playing a prank on me for my birthday I guess. I feel the fluffy foam spray on my hand, whipped cream, i think. The soft feather brushes my nose. Oh they’re going to get it. I move my hand, acting as if I'm actually falling for it, I move my hand and near my face. The high pitched giggling is being hushed, but just as they think I'm going to rub my face, I open my eyes and shove the whipped cream onto their faces. Shrieks of laughter and shock bounce around the room. “Daddy!” Alice laughs “We thought you were asleep!” Claire giggles and wipes the cream off her face, licking her fingers.
“I know you did” I laugh. The sun is shining through the blinds in a perfect way and a wave of complete and utter bliss sweeps over me. Emma enters the room with a beautiful smile on her face and a tray of french toast and bacon.
“For you my dear,” she smiles and places the tray on my lap. For once it feels as though we are a working family without any problems and everything is perfect.
“Thanks” i murmur and take a huge bite, a smile lights up my face as I chew “This is amazing!” i say with a full mouth. I reach for the can of whipped cream and spray some on the french toast.
“We helped!” Claire screams and bounces in her seat. Why can't it be like this all the time? Happy family, breakfast in bed, no arguments, no screaming and running out the door, no pill popping, nothing. Its so nice, how can I make it stay? I laugh and cup her cheek.
“Of course,” I smile and pinch her cheek “This is such a great birthday present, thank you so much!” I take another bite of food and chew hungrily, I feel whipped cream reach my nose and I stretch my tongue to try and lick it off, to no avail. I bring my hand up and wipe it off as the girls crawl into my lap and Emma sits on the edge of the bed. Wow. She looks so beautiful. How did I get so lucky? I move my plate and pull my girls closer to my chest, kissing their cheeks with a huge grin stretched across my lips. I release the girls and reach out my arms to Emma, she scoots closer and falls into my arms with a sigh. I pull her close to me and kiss her head. “I have the most amazing family,” I'm at a loss for words as the happy scene around me slows down and then freezes. What’s happening? Why Isnt anything moving? Is this a dream or is something wrong? My vision of the frozen picture starts to blur. I feel my eyes close slowly as my heart rate quickens and I hear noises around me.
“Charlie!?” I think thats Emma “Charlie!” My eyes open but the picture is still frozen at the happy scene. I feel the pressure of firm hands grab my arm and I am pulled up. “Claire, I need you to call 911 tell them somethings happening to your daddy.” I hear little footsteps run out of the room and a quiet sob. I try moving my lips but nothing happens, all I can see still is the happy family around me as I eat. My heart beat slows down and I feel my body moving, like running through water. Suddenly, I can hear everything. A quiet sniffle from the floor somewhere, a peck on the glass window above me, someone’s racing heart, probably Emma’s, what is happening? I let my eyes close again and I hear the dial tone in the kitchen.
“Hello, this is 911 what is your emergency?” An urgent voice is speaking and I hear a small hesitant cry.
“M-my” its Claire, she's sniffling into the phone “Something’s happening to my daddy”
“Honey, how old are you, is your mommy there?” The womans voice is now softer, trying to sooth the young child she's speaking to.
“I’m eight,” she whispers and sniffles “Mommy’s in the room with Daddy.” I feel myself gasp and tense up, the air is gone from my lungs and I’m panting for breath. All of a sudden, I open my eyes again and the view around me unfolds, I see Emma clutching my arm and Alice sitting on the floor crying. I start to breath again and the color comes back to my face. I try moving my lips again.
“Emma” I choke out and wait for my vision to clear. “Emma, I'm ok. Get Claire off the phone.” She looks up shocked and nods, walking out to the kitchen.
“Hello? Hi, sorry. Everything is ok now, you don't need to send anyone.” I can no longer hear the receiver. “Thank you” She hangs up and comes back with Claire in her arms. “What was that?” she murmurs and sits Claire down next to Alice.
“I have no idea” I'm still shocked but I’ve calmed down slightly. “I’m just happy its over.” Emma looks over me with worried eyes, then sighs. She picks up Claire and Alice attaches herself to Emma’s leg.
“I’m going to clean up the kitchen, try and get your bed made and get dressed.” As she walks out of the room I see Claire look over her mom’s shoulder and her eyes are filled with tears.
EMMA, PRESENT DAY
I wake up slowly to see Claire, Alice, and Daymon asleep in various chairs, my head and stomach hurt and I'm so tired. ‘Wait, what happened? I remember drinking myself to sleep and waking to the sound of breaking glass. I remember standing slowly and walking out to the kitchen with an empty wine bottle in my hands, the man was standing near the kitchen table. As I crept towards him, his back facing me, I felt the skin on the back of my neck raise, I could tell something would happen, I knew something awful was about to take place. The man turned around and shock sprawled across his face. “Who are you and what are you doing here?” I asked in a hoarse, timid voice. His mouth gaped open at my mock confidence and stumbled backwards. I took a step forward and I saw his hand reach back to the countertop. I froze in my spot and he took one step forward, his hand kept behind my back. I then fell to the ground in fear and I don't remember anything else. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital today. I look at Daymon and Claire, sleeping on the chair, Alice sitting in the corner. This room is far too bright and sterile, I want my room back. My mind drifts to the room I’ve lived in for the past who-knows-how-many years. The bed in the room I once shared with the man, that I did love at one point or another, sags in the middle from the endless years of my single, sleeping body. The sound of the TV that is always on, playing re-runs of my latest soap opera, fills the close to empty room. Where drying paintings and dirty brushes once lay, was now just an empty, paint splattered hole of nothing. The window, cracked open, sent in a sliver of golden light, just enough to expose a portrait of a happy family, their smiling faces gleaming from the only light in the room. My closet echoes with the sounds of long lost love, holding only, the one dress I have left. The white, fluffy, fru-fru, princess dress hangs blandly, all emotion drained from its figure. The only thing that could show the life I once lived, is the mirror that is plastered with pictures of two young people, madly in love, small girls giggling on the beach, and countless other scenes of happy people. My room slumps and cries of sorrow from what once was. Why have I spent all these years in this depressing room? Because I’m too scared to face the world that I no longer can be in with someone. My one love has left and nothing else can make me happy. I want to support my two beautiful, but they’ve abandoned all hope in me, and after time, so have I.’ I look to the clock, 10:07 am, November 29th, 2012. I must have slept in the hospital. Yesterday morning I was talking to Claire, trying to be a good mother, but that wasn’t working. I could tell because she had walked out.
CLAIRE
I feel the body under me stir, his arms wrapped around my torso, keeping me from falling off. His bead head is terrible, but he looks as adorable as ever. I look around the room and my mother is now awake. I think I’ve seen that face before: she's lost in her own little world. I don't think she even see’s me awake. “Mom?” I whisper groggily, still blinking awake from my uneventful sleep. I see her eyes focus on me and I smile slightly.
“Did you just wake up?” she murmurs, letting her eyes drift around the room.
“Yeah, I guess I fell asleep on Day, how do you feel?” I shift uncomfortably, this is the first civilized conversation I’ve had with her in awhile, I’m happy she's avoiding my gaze.
“I’m fine.” she answers. I sigh, its obvious the conversation is over. I look towards Daymon and he pulls me closer to his chest. I blush and lean my head on his shoulder, I continue to watch him, not caring if she sees, Mom won't be able to remember anyway. His hands pull harder around my waist and I blush, turning a deeper shade of pink. I sigh softly and close my eyes again, hoping to be enveloped in a dreamless sleep again.
DAYMON
I wake up to Claire getting up off of me, beginning to pace around the room. I watch her, she doesn't notice I’m up. “Hey” I murmur softly, pulling her out of her trance. She looks up shocked and then smiles.
“Hi, did I wake you up?” She continues pacing, who knows why, but looks at me as she speaks.
“Yeah. Kinda-.” I'm cut off to yawn. “But I was close to waking up anyways.” I look around the room and everyone else is still asleep. “I have to get home. Not that they’ll notice whether I’m there or not. Call me if you need a ride.” I stand up and leave without a response. ‘I have to get out of here and start working on what I know will keep her here. I hope its enough.’ I walk downstairs and out to my car. As I get in, an idea hits me. I instantly start driving to her house. ‘Um, um, um, um, where is the spare key? Shit. Um, um, um, OH, its buried in the potted plant thats by the door. Yes!’ I turn on the radio and start singing along quietly to ‘The A-Team’, I soon realize how cheesy this is but continue anyways, not caring.
“White lips, pale face,
breathing in snowflakes.
Burnt lungs, sour taste.
Light’s gone, day’s end.
Struggling to pay rent,
Long nights, strange men”
I continue, humming along softly as I pull into the driveway. I turn off the car and hop out, running up the steps. I look around for the plant and spot it, dried up and dead, sitting in the corner. I pick it up, looking it over. I turn it upside down and let the dirt and plant fall out. What the hell, its not like they paid any attention to it. I bend down and pick up the keys, shaking them off gently. I turn the lock and open the door. I look around the house. ‘Wow, it looks horrible. How long has it been since I was here? Four years? Something like that. Claire and I always go out or to my house. This place depresses me, so why spend time here?’ I pick my way through the clutter that covers the floor, into Claire’s bedroom and to her bookshelf. God its dusty, it’s probably been years since she's so much as touched this thing. I scan through the books. ‘Which one am I looking for? Uhhhhhh, she said her dad read her this one book every summer when she was little. What was it called? I continue to scan the shelf, looking for a name that seems familiar. Umm, was it The Borrowers? No... Alice in Wonderland? Ugh, no, that’s not it. Ingo? Island of the Blue Dolphins? Twilight? Harry Potter? No, no, no, no. The Hobbit? YES! I found it! I pick it up gently and wipe off the dust. This thing is olllldddd, like antique.’ I flip through the pages, scanning interesting looking ones. I get to the back of the book and freeze. Something handwritten, smudged, stained, and dusty. But something is there. ‘Holy shit. I think this is from her dad. This keeps getting better and better!’ I squint my eyes and try to read the sloppy handwriting.
“My darling Claire” I gasp and bite my lip not sure if I should read it or not. My curiosity kills me and I keep reading. As I finish, a wide smile appears on my lips. ‘Her dad did care, but something was wrong enough with their life that he had to leave. I have to find out. I’m going to email him, if hes not living on the streets, hopefully he’ll get it in time. I need to get him down to Florida and make this possible. God this is so much better than I was hoping for! I really need to stop saying ‘God’.... Since, ya know... He doesn’t exist. Wait. Back to the topic. YES! I might actually be able to do this. Ok, I need to get back to my car and I need to email this Charlie guy, go to my house, then get the other things for her. I'm so happy with myself right now. If I have time after, I might even come back with our maid and clean this place... Its kinda nasty. Only if you have time Day. Stop getting sidetracked. I'm horrible when left to my thoughts. UGH. Stop. Walking to the car. Walking to the car. Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, I can do something to make her happy. Yippee! Wow, when did I get so upbeat and happy? Who cares!? I get to do this and finally make her happy! Ok, I’m getting in the car. Why am I talking myself through what I'm doing? I have no idea.’ I pull out of the parking space and speed down the cracked, broken up, crappy road and to my nice, clean, gated community. I pull into my garage and click the door closed. ‘Time to get to work Day. You have to do this well, otherwise we’re going to fail miserably and I'm going to lose her. I can't let that happen.’ I run upstairs to my little-used room and to my desk. I open my computer and put the book next to me. ‘Ok, ok, ok, umm, Yahoo? Is that it? I haven’t been on here in a really long time.’ I type in my email address and take three tries to remember my password. I finally get in and type in his email. ‘Ok, um, how am I going to say this? Just start and figure it out.’
“Dear Charlie Mayes,
You don't know me, but I’ve heard a lot about you.” ‘Ok that’s a good start.’ “My name is Daymon Richardson, I am your daughter, Claire’s, best friend. My news for you is not exactly good. But it isn’t horrible either. Her mind has become a dark place, full of dread and despair, and I worry for her. What I ask of you is to fly, or drive, or sail, or whatever, down here, and come see her. I am the one writing because she hasn’t seen your note in The Hobbit yet, I am planning a surprise for her, so she can’t see it yet. Please contact me, via email or my phone: (305) 222-1313
From,
Daymon Richardson.
P.S. I suspect she is planning on doing something terrible soon, so if you could contact me ASAP that would be great”
I re-read the letter twice and click send. As I push back from my desk I check off one thing on my mental To-Do list. ‘Now, time to get the rest ready.’
CHARLIE, 7 YEARS PRIOR
The girls are asleep, everything is quiet. Emma next to me. She looks beautiful, as always. Even in her slouchy jeans and paint splattered V-neck shirt. Her hair is up in a messy bun and small tendrils of hair hang in her eyes as we look over her newest masterpiece. This is one of the few moments we seem like a working family, who love each other and support everything we do. ‘This looks amazing, the color fits perfectly into every shape and object, every leaf, speck of bark, hiding eye, they look perfect. The scene she tried to create turned out incredible, the best she's done. I wonder where this one is going. Will she sell it or will it have a place in our home? We need the money. Sadly, she’ll probably sell it.’ I sigh quietly. “I had a medical check up yesterday.” I murmur out of the blue. She raises an eyebrow and tells me to go on without speaking a word. “It happened again,” She instantly knows I'm talking about the incident that happened on my birthday a couple years ago, I know from the look on her face. “They have no idea what it is. The doctor said it could have just been a fluke in my lungs or heart, but they don't think its anything too serious since I wasn’t hurt either time. I'm not going back, it costs too much and its not worth it.” I watch her cautiously and she nods, still looking over the painting.
“I don't know what to say about it.” She murmurs and walks into the bedroom. I follow her in and shut the door.
“You don't need to, I just wanted to let you know,” I lean against the door as she changes into her pajamas and crawls into the bed. “I just thought it was weird how it happened twice, a little more than two years apart.” She shrugs and lays her head down.
“Come to bed, it doesn't matter right now, and we need sleep.” I undress and put on a clean shirt and my flannel pants. I lay down next to her and turn off the lights, staring at the ceiling, drifting through my thoughts until i’ve fallen asleep.
CLAIRE, PRESENT DAY
After Daymon left I continued to pace across the room, worrying as usual. Alice is still asleep and I'm frozen to my spot, mid step. All of the breath leaves my lungs. My eyes fill with tears as the dreaded flatline beep fills my ears. I fall to the floor, a crumpled heap of despair. ‘Why won't it start beeping again? Why did it stop?! She can't be gone! I never told her how much I loved her.’ Alice wakes up to the sound of my cries and her eyes instantly zero in on the screen that shows mearly a flat. Red. Line. It slowly sinks in on her and silent tears begin to stream down her cheeks. I sob into my hands on the floor, she pulls her knees up to her chest and soaks her jeans through. All you can here is the constant, unwavering, beeb and the sound of our sorrow filled tears. ‘This can't be right. All that happened was wound in her stomach. She can't be gone! I hadn’t said one nice thing to her in at least two months.’ I stand and run to the bed. My hand clutches hers and I realize mine is shaking, and her’s is beginning to go cold. Her normally flushed cheeks are turning a faded gray already and my tears drip to her arm. “M-mom!” I cry “No! You don't know how much I love you yet!” My screams and whispers fill the room until they fade into never ending sobs. As we continue to cry together, I realize how much we really needed her. No matter how much we fought, no matter how much I hated her sometimes, I needed her. ‘I don't know how to live on my own, how am I supposed to take care of Alice? I’m only 18! There’s no way I can do this! I'll have to give her to an orphanage, I'm leaving anyways.’ So I just need to get Alice safe.’ The thoughts run through my head, filling it with confusion as I continue to clutch her hand. ‘She can't be dead.’ The thought keeps returning and even as they pull her out of my grasp and out of the room, a thin sheet covering her on the stretcher, I still can't believe it. ‘You’re not really dead right? This is just a joke? A prank? Something?!’ We stand in the hallway, Alice and I, holding onto each other as they pull her away. Tears streaming down both of our cheeks as we try and comfort each other. So for who knows how long, we stand there, in the middle of the hallway, crying our eyes out over the mother we thought did nothing for us. The one who left us to our own caretaking, now wishing with all our hearts that we could just have her back for even 10 minutes. Just so we could tell her we love her. If thats all we could get, we would use every second of it. But thats not possible, it will never happen. So we stay as we are, two sisters, who have nothing in common, but everything alike. ‘I have never felt closer to Alice.’ As I take one last glance down the hallway to where they took her, a small whimper escapes my lips. I look at Alice straight in the eyes and silent tears slip down my cheeks “Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.” I whisper, quoting George Eliot, Alice shows a small nod of the head, unable to speak. “We won't forget, she’ll always be with us” my voice is shakey and full of emotion. ‘Mom? You’re not really dead right? You’re coming back someday. I know it. You can't be dead.’
DAYMON
I walk through the art store, looking for everything I need. ‘Ok, so I have the paper, I emailed her dad, what else do I need? Ummmm, Oh! I need the roses, and the paint. The paint is just down this isle, what colors do I need? Black, blues, white, gold. Ok. Got the colors, to the cash register. I really need to stop thinking myself through everything I do.’ I check myself out and pay with my mom’s credit card. Out to my car and to the floral shop. My phone buzzes in my pocket and it says I have a new email. ‘Could this be him? Did he reply already? EEEP! I sound like a girl. Shut up mind.’ I click the email as i sit in my car. ‘It is. He replied.’
“Hello Daymon,
Thank you for contacting me. I now live in New York, so It might be difficult for me to get down there, but I’ll try. When would the best time be? Could you pick me up from the airport? Why do you think Claire will be doing something horrible? I’ll call you soon, but I'm not sure when I'll have the time. Are Alice and Emma Ok? I have changed very much since I left, I don't know how they will all react at my new appearance and life. I faintly remember you, though you were young. My phone number is (929) 334-6678 feel free to contact me, though I am very busy and you might go to voicemail or my secretary might pick up.
Thank you again,
Charlie X. Mayes”
‘Oh my god. He’s going to come? I actually have a chance at this.’ My thoughts race as I pull out of the parking lot and drive down the roads I know so well to my house. I park and run to the door, all of my supplies in my arms. Up to my room. ‘Ok, i need to move my bed so I have enough room.’ I get up and push my bed to the opposite side of my room. ‘Now I have a bunch of floor space. Lay down the paper. What color do I want to use first. Umm, blue.’ I open up the bottle and dip the brush in it. I let it drip down the center of the paper before swirling it into a spiral. I pick up three roses and pull the petals off, I sprinkle them over the now drying paint. ‘Black next.’ I continue the pattern until I'm happy with my work. ‘Now, to call him.’
CHARLIE, PRESENT DAY
‘Who is this kid? I know he’s telling the truth because who else would know about the note in the book? Who else would know about Emma and Alice? I kinda remember him, but not enough to believe him completely. Yet here I am, searching the internet for last minute flights to Miami. Claire wasn't always the happiest girl, so I can understand if he thinks she’ll do something bad to herself. But still. Why would he ask me for help? He probably thinks of me as a horrible, drunk, drug obsessed, coward, father. How would I help Claire if I'm probably part of the reason she's depressed. Or. I'm guessing thats what he means. I need to stop assuming.’ An email pops up on the screen showing a suit for my upcoming presentation to the board. ‘Ugh, subpar.’ I click out of it and return to my flight search. ‘I hope I find one, even with the chance this kid is just messing with me, I would love to see Claire, Alice, and Emma. I hope they want to see me. Especially Emma, I feel horrible, I just hope it was the right thing to do.’
ALICE
‘Mom? Are you there? You have to be! You’re always there. Whenever I need you. You’re always there. I still need you, I'm only 13 mom! You can't leave me like this! Claire, sure, she's a great sister, when she's actually here. But most of the time she's off “hanging out” with Daymon. And dad left so long ago, I can hardly remember what he even looked like, let alone acted like. You were all I had left, even if you were always in your room, drunk on wine or something. The few times you were sober and just watching your soaps, you were always there. You could answer any question I had about anything. Now where are you? I need you right now! I have so much to ask you! Like, lately, I’ve been missing the you you were before dad left, so much. I don't really remember him, but I sure as hell remember you. The fun, artsy, best-mom-in-the-world, person I wish was still here. And now there is no chance of ever getting her back! Why didn't you just stay asleep for a little longer? Why did you go out to the kitchen!? You would still be here if you hadn’t been so curious in your half drunk, half sober state of mind. I need your advise! I need your comforting hands! I need a mom!’ As I sit in the chair of the waiting room in the hospital, tears stream down my cheeks, my heart is racing, my palms sweaty and shaking, And all the memories I have of her rush through my head. ‘Thank the non-existent God that Claire is 18, otherwise I would legally have to go to an orphanage, and that would suck and just add to my misery.’
DAYMON
“Hello?”
“This is Charlie Mayes, Is this Daymon?” A deep, raspy voice on the other end of the line answers.
‘Oh! Its Charlie! Yes!’ “Um, yeah, this is he.” I sound like such a kid, do better, make him think you’er not just messing with him. “Are you calling about the email I sent you? About you being able to fly down to Florida to see Claire and Alice?”
“Yes, you got my email?”
“MmHm.”
“I got a ticket, it leaves tomorrow at 8:15 am. Will you be able to pick me up or should I get a taxi?”
‘Um, tomorrow, I can pick him up? I think so.... Daymon! Answer him!’ “Oh! Um, yeah, I can pick you up, just text me when your plane arrives. Its going to be a surprise, so we’ll get to their house and walk in unannounced. I'll make sure Alice and Claire are there.” I mumble, holding the phone with my shoulder and running around the kitchen, trying to get the food ready.
“Claire and Alice? What about Emma? Won't she be there?” ‘OH. Crap. Think Day. Ummm, should I tell him? Um. Yes. No. Yes. No. Maybe. Yes. I have to.’
“Charlie, something happened. Emma. Um.” I sigh softly as I hold the phone in my hand and stop moving for a moment. “Emma died in the hospital this morning. I got the call earlier today from the hospital. She had fallen down the stairs and didn't recover.” I say quietly, not knowing how he will react.
“Oh...”
His voice has become shaky and I don't know how long it will be until-. If he will cry. “I understand” the murmur comes through the phone at a hardly audible volume. “I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll let you know when my plane touches down. Thank you.” His voice is rushed and he hangs up before I have a chance to answer.
“Ok, I guess he didn't take it well” I say out loud to no one. ‘Well, he’s coming! Thats all I need. I just hope he gets here soon enough.’
CLAIRE
Sitting in the bathroom, the cracked glass on the mirror. There are stains from different bleaches and tints running down the walls. The lights are dim and I see my face, staring at me with a blank expression in the glass. ‘A strong sense of Deja Vu hits me and I expect my mom to run in, telling me to stop. But that can't happen. She's gone. She's never coming back. I'm now leaving Alice alone, without anyone to care for her. Even if mom didn't give as much attention to Alice and I as she should or could have, It is still horrible without her. I’ve suffered through three days. Three horrible, pain stricken days. My mom got hurt and died, Daymon has started to ignore me and I can't get ahold of him, I’ve lied, told the truth, and cried. A lot. Fallen more and more in love, became a caregiver, and now I'm leaving behind all of that, just for the lack of life I'm so selfish to actually go after. I can't believe I haven’t spoken to Daymon since yesterday morning and now I'm leaving. Not saying goodbye, not telling him I love him, not leaving anything behind to guide Alice, nothing. I'm so selfish! But I just can't stand to live anymore. I'm just through with it. Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing makes me happy. If Daymon doesn't want to speak with me, or answer my calls, I'll let him. He’ll find out the hard way that I'm gone. I'm sorry Day. I'm so sorry. But its finally time for me to go. Finally! The bottle of pills is in my hand. Its half full. Or half empty. However you want to look at it. I hope its enough. I don't want to end up in the hospital. But I guess I have a chance of finding out. I wonder what will happen? Are my “beliefs”, or lack of, wrong and there is a heaven? Or is it what I'm expecting, I won't know I'm dead, I'll be buried underground and slowly decompose, till the point my casket, if I even have one, is rotten and worms dig through it to eat the remains of my dead body. Wow, I'm really messed up. But I guess I already knew that. Ok, do I have the water? Yes. Anything I need before this? Um... Should I write a note? Yeah, I think I should. Daymon deserves an explanation. Ok. So does Alice. Especially her. Ok. I don't know how these are supposed to work. But... I guess I should start.’
DAYMON
I'm driving to the airport, getting ready to pick up Charlie. I’ve only met him a couple times, so this will be kinda awkward I guess. ‘Should I make like a sign? Yeah, probably. Um, should it just say Charlie? Yeah, I think so.’ I pull into the airport pick up and stop the car. I write a simple “Charlie” on a piece of white paper and put in the window of my car. I wait and browse my thoughts, mostly about Claire. I texted Claire to make sure she and Alice would be at the house, but she never answered. ‘Oh. Is that him? I think so.’ He opens the car door and gets in.
“Hi. Daymon?” He asks, his voice the same raspy deep tone as I heard on the phone.
“Yeah, nice to meet-. See you again.” I hold out my hand to him and shake it firmly. “So we’re going directly to the house. I have dinner made. I texted them, but no answers. But it’ll be fine. If they’re not there, we can just wait.”
“Ok. Do they live in the same house?” I start the engine and pull away from the curb, instantly into the airport traffic.
“Yeah, same one.” I murmur, then there is a silence where neither of us know what to say. All you can hear is the rumble of the car’s engine. I finally get out of the airport and onto the streets. Feeling a strong sense urgency rush through me, I speed up, just under the limit. I turn right on their street and into the driveway. “Lets go!” I rush out of the car and open the back seat to grab the food. “Will you help me with this?” I murmur and pick up three big plates. I see him nod and I close the door with my foot. I begin walking up the path and turn to face the stairs. A feeling of dread that I can't explain in my stomach. I take out the keys with one hand and fidget to get the right one. My hand continues to slip and miss the keyhole, and I realize my hand is shaking. I finally get it in, I unlock the door and I don't hear a single sound. I timidly walk to the kitchen and put all the food down on the counter. “Claire?” I call “Alice? Anyone home?” I listen for a moment and I hear Charlie come into the room. I glance back at him “They’re not home.” I murmur. “I’m going back to Claire’s room, I need to put the book back before she notices its gone.”
“Ok. I’ll get the food set up.” He turns and starts arranging the food over the table. I walk slowly and quietly through the hallway, scared by the silence. I open her door and all the lights are on. I walk to the bookshelf and place the book back where it was. Obviously she hasn’t touched it.
“Claire?” I whisper and take a step towards her bathroom. The lack of a response sends chills up my spine and I fear I am too late. I take two more steps and stop just before I can see the reflection in the mirror. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Slowly walking forward into the bathroom. Reality hits me. I keep my eyes closed. But in the depths of my heart, I already know she's gone. I need to make sure. ‘No matter how long I try. I know I will never be able to forget this moment. She is gone. I was too late to stop her. And now there is nothing I can do about it.’ I force my eyes open, my vision blurs instantly and I drop to the floor. I crawl to her unmoving body and cry into my hands. “Claire,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.” My cries become inaudible as time passes without realizing it. Soon enough Charlie finds me and is frozen at the door.
“Is she.....?” He whispers. No words leave my mouth but the tears that are again streaming down my cheeks answers the question for him. I look up at him and I see a single tear slip out of his eye. “I’ll go” he says quietly, his voice hoarse and wobbly, close to more tears. Without another word he leaves the room and in the distance I hear the front door close. ‘I’ll have to thank him later’ I remain on the floor, sobbing silently as I hold her hand for dear life. It slowly becomes pale and continues to lose the warmth. A sound comes from the kitchen and I realize Alice is home from wherever she was.
“Claire? Who made all this food?” She calls. I choke back the sobs from the mention of her name. I hear her footsteps come into the room. “Claire?” Her voice is annoyed and I hear the noise draw closer.
“Alice” I choke out “Its Daymon, I'm in here. She-” A sob cuts me off “Shes gone Alice” I whisper as she enters the bathroom. I'm joined as her body falls to the ground and the sound of tears doubles as we mourn.
THE FUNERAL
As the casket is carried out into the graveyard, a terrible silence falls over the people who have gathered, the people who all loved the girl who left too early. If she had just held on for ten more minutes, or twenty, or thirty. If only she had known what was coming for her. If only she had known that Daymon and Charlie were on their way, just waiting to surprise her and make everything in her life happy. Everyone thinks these thoughts, but no one dares say anything. The sounds of muffled cries fills the yard on the dreary day that seems perfect for the day of a funeral. The sky is a pale gray and the sun isn’t visible. No one is dressed in color. No one looks particularly dressed up. The casket is lowered into the grave and a wave of peace is showered over the watching family and friends. Alice stands quiet next to Daymon. Though they are silent, their eyes continue to spill over with tears. As the dirt is slowly placed over her forever sleeping body, simple, quiet words are muttered out of Alice’s lips.
“Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.” Though the words are said just above audible, they touch each person standing under the tent. Each person receives them and understands them. As the powerful words seep in, everyone knows one thing: They will never forget the girl that changed their lives so much. By her simple presence and being, even with her hatred for herself, she lifted everyone up and put them all first. Everyone knew, she would never leave their minds and hearts, she would continue living on with them. Life would continue, life would go on. But each heart there would have a piece taken from it with the death of the girl who died too early.
Only three people stood under the tent that day. Alice and Daymon agreed on only the three who truly knew her and truly loved her to be there.
EPILOUGE
“Dear Alice and Daymon,
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I need to get that out first, though it doesn't help anymore. As you know by now, I am gone. I'm dead, no longer in this world. No longer living next to you. No longer able to hear, see, or touch any of you. Or anyone for that matter. I will never know what would have happened if I didn't leave, but I can't look back now. I have chosen the life, or death, that I have. There are no give backs. No second chances. No re-do’s. I know all of this, and despite it being my choice, I am scared out of my mind. You have no idea how terrifying it is to know you’re about to take your own life. I hope you never know. I hope you never think of it, never try, and never succeed at doing it. This is my goodbye to you all. The two people who I love, the two people who I always will love. Even though I will be gone, I will always love you. Make sure you know this, I will always love you, that will never change. Get that in your head. Now, I know I will sound like a hypocrite saying this, but never hurt yourself, never take your life, never give up. Please? That is all I ask of you, both of you. No matter how hard it will seem, never do it. I need to go, because I'm not sure how long I have, and I’d rather already be dead when you see me, not dying. Then there is a chance I would survive and you would have to see this on my deathbed. Or. Deathfloor. Daymon, I give you and your family power over the house and everything in it. Alice, I don't want you to end up in an orphanage, so you are now a Richardson. Alice Richardson. They will welcome you to the family, I know it. I love you both so much. Please, never forget it. Again I leave you with the words I have held onto for so long. ‘Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.’ I quote George Eliot. He says it perfectly. Alice, think of Mom and I throughout your life, but don't let us hold you back. Both of you, continue on with your lives, live life as usual. Just without me. Day, I have to say it. I am in love with you. I am madly, crazily, stupidly in love with you. I have been for so long. I'm sorry I was too much of a coward to tell you to your face. Remember me for who you knew me as, and no one else. Thank you both so much, you have made my life so much better than I ever imagined life could be. But it just wasn't enough. Too much has happened and I am done. I'm just ready to die. So, this is where I leave you. Good bye. I love you. Both of you. So much. Finish your lives when it is time. Never end them early; let yourself go when the time is right. Let yourself die when you are old and have lived an incredible, joyful life. I expect that from both of you, and even though I’ll be dead, I will be mad if you die too early because of me. Again, I have to go. I love you. Forever and always.
Love,
Claire
THE END.
Like 0 Pin it 0
