I Wish to Hear Again

As the saying goes, "you never cherish what you have till it's gone"

Oh! how true these words are!

I used to have the sharpest ears ever. I could hear the faintest whispers
My friends used to joke that I could hear unspoken words in people's minds.

How, why and when it started remains a mystery. Over time, I realized people have to speak louder than normal for me to hear. Well, I went to the hospital and my worst fear was confirmed. After series of tests, it was discovered that I had lost my hearing. The audiologist didn't know why it happened and there was nothing he could do for me. He advised I get hearing aid as that was the only solution.

I was saddened but told myself,  "I won't use hearing aid because God would heal me"
I decided to check another hospital hoping the first was wrong. The second audiologist confirmed that my hearing nerves were dead. He wasn't privy to the cause, but also advised hearing aid. I was distraught, I walked miles in the rain without feeling drenched. I felt my world had crumpled. How do I live with a hearing loss?

It was very embarrassing and frustrating when people talked to me and I couldn't hear them. Some get annoy after saying the same thing over and over and I still couldn't hear. I get heartbroken whenever I was in a gathering and couldn't  hear what was being said, most especially when a joke is said and people around me laugh, I'd look lost and confused in their midst. It affected my self esteem and I stopped mingling with people and isolated myself. I disconnected myself from all fellowships as there was no point being the odd one. 

After a while, my sweetheart noticed my frustration and got hearing aid for me. That tore my heart 'cos I had sworn never to use it believing God was going to heal me.  But I tried to use it anyway. I used it the first time and what I discovered shocked me. It amplified every sound except the human voice which I craved to hear. The sounds around were too loud for comfort. I had to remove it after an hour but still had a skull spliting headache . Tried it a second time and got the same result.  Dumped it and swore never to use it again.

I went for a job interview and did well but the interviewer frankly told me I won't have the job cos of my hearing problem. That affected me greatly. My faith dwindled and I stopped praying. Why should I pray to a God who would neither hear nor answer me?

I was still struggling when I came across 2 Cor 12:9 (NIV) ".............My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness......"That was the turning point for me. I went back to God and thanked Him for the hearing loss and asked for grace to be able to cope with it. And let it be for His own glory as that is why He created me in the first place.

It's years now. Currently, if anybody talks and I don't hear, I'd smile and say "sorry can you speak up, cos I can't hear you" I see the shock on their faces and I just shrug. If they repeat themselves, fine. If they don't, I still smile. Often times I ask them to just write what they intend to say most especially after repeating several times and I still couldn't hear. I've also learned to read lips when people talk as I can just read their lips and try to connect. 

I have come to realize that disability doesn't make anyone less human. I've been able to reach out to some people with disability and  encouraged them to live their dreams no matter how difficult it seems. Nobody's life should be over because you are disabled or because you wake up one day and have lost a part of your body or any of your senses.

Please treat every disable person that comes your way with equality and respect. Treasure every part of your body and thank God you still have them. However,  remember you can still lose either your sight, hearing, a limb or two at any given time or place. But even if you were born disabled, treasure who you are. You're unique and there's something special in you.

I've lived above disability but if there's anything I wish for with all my heart, is to be able to communicate like any other person, TO HEAR AGAIN!