SMASH

I've heard enough of

Lose this weight today;

Spruiking this machine

And that machine

This treadmill

And that stepper

That will bring you

Good fortune

Good looks

Buy one today

Get one free

All you pay

To get this home

Today! 

So I took my hammer

I walked towards the screen

I lifted the hammer 

And in one exhaustive moment

I exclaimed 

NO FUCKiNG WAY

WILL I RING 

1800 DING A LING! 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I walked towards the missus 

She asked me what the.... 

And I said, 

NO MORE STEPPERS

And she replied

Calmly; in her "I told you" so tone

I've told you love

But you wouldn't listen

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I lifted the hammer

And smashed the living daylights

No shopping channel tonight

Nope!