Songs never told

It would take a long time to get this to the people I Love. It would be hard to explain them to you, I'm not doing this for your satisfaction. It's for me to just get it off my chest. Sometimes I need the love of somebody close,someone new, someone that understands. I need a Superman, or a friend. My songs are to be mine, not sung to everybody else. My song. It's mine to keep, and it's mine to share. I'm selfish to what I have and what I got. I don't understand the difficulties of the differences what I want to do or need to do. I don't want to be judged like somebody judging a gay person. The reality is for me to tell my family and friends how I am. I can't even do that yet I can tell random strangers. Is there something wrong with me? I don't know anymore. My "dream title" isn't a dream it's a nightmare sometimes. Guess it takes some time to turn a nightmare to a dream, it's going to take some time to pour my feelings out. I am one of those people who don't cry or spill my feelings to people. I am a strong independent person I mean I believe I am, but really I am a nature of freak, deaf in one ear,can't speak right, reads a lot more that a teenager should, a middle child of 6, energetic messed up twin. I am a weak person who cries at everything wrong in the world. I cry for the lonely,the angered, the disappointed,the "losers",the forgotten, the weepers and the winners. I cry for those who can't see or hear. I cry for me. I am messed up. I am not worthy of even telling you this. This is my message to me. I am a lonely person who can't even come out to my family and friends. I am a person who betrays their back on the Lord they believe in. I am a monstrosity, who happens to be born. Sometimes I can imagine that people would be happy if I died.I wonder what people would think when I die. Maybe good riddance or Why? This is how I feel when ever my song is shared to others or when nobody understands my song. Sometimes I want my song to stay to ME and only ME. I am not in a suicidal state, no never, But I feel like nobody understands stands me. I know I'm being selfish when I say that, but that's how I feel, and I've been wanting to get that out but it hasn't worked out for me. I am not a person who shares their feelings to anybody but me.