Dress Up

Mental mess
no time to confess

I hate who I am 
so I play dress up

Easier to numb myself
no time to fix the mess

My self image
my psychological damage

To broke to fix
so I continue to suppress

Substance abuse 
alcohol I choose

Why try to change
when I can play dress up 

Who I am 
makes me sick

It’s a disease
its all from within 

Various disguises
tons of looks 

I just can’t stand the sights 
when I look in the mirror

For many years 
and still I continue to fear

Well I’m fed up
I no longer want to change

Ive been hitting the books 
Ive been learning about myself

Well it’s quite clear
the list is quite long

I’m well aware 
and have accepted the truth 

I’m fucked in the head 
and have been since day 1

Well I’m at day 12,748
I can no longer decide to wait

I can no longer contemplate
I must make my own fate
 

I must overcome! 

Dressing up is no longer an option…

I can no longer hide or cover up the mental wounds with bandages…

Messing up is a thing from the past, no longer in my future…

I desire sustainable change, not a temporary love affair…

I keep working!