?

I am unmotivated
Even at my darkest times
I'd look at myself elated 
yet now the dark I cannot find
And my worth is equated
to that of the dirt dwelling kind...
Rot who's breath abated

Celebrated, 
laughs and song
to mark the day my breath grew strong 
a score ago created

was it fated? 
That I would be hated?
If my hatred was stated 
Would I be sedated?
Hatred medicated.

I thought I had become lost 
So desperate to figure out who I am.
Picking apart my soul at what cost?
Discarding the waste where ever I can.

But I was mistaken
And it's left me shaken 
Twenty years it has taken 
To mould the forsaken
Now I know who I am and I am breaking 
cracks show through these smiles that I am faking
And my life is escaping 
from these wounds that are gaping 
I'm aching 

I have no expression
To describe this possession
Poltergeist of recession 
indiscretion, my obsession
I withdraw from this regression
only to grow into depression?
Is this a confession?

Can I survive this?
I'm at the end of my rope 
Something I did miss
It fills me with hope 
The reason I exist
My life I devote 
If only for her kiss
Maybe I can cope.