6/5/17

Confused. A word I find myself using when I think of you.
I detest it.
 I hate the way you make me feel and love it at the same time.
I wished you would just stop wasting my time,
I deserve more,
deserve love,
attention.
don’t treat me like a chore
you poke, push, stab.
trying to get all my feelings out
I'm vulnerable, scared, rough from your cuts
seeing only pools of blood and not a feeling touch.
Stop.
Stop taking, stop asking. leave me alone.
I thought you would be able to understand,
but you’re not that man.
 
Maybe if I see it from your point of view,
you’re looking for someone to open up to, I get you, I find it hard too.
you don’t know if I’m in a bad mood. I feel bad. You don’t know so why should I be angry at you.
Things build up in my head get confusing messy.
I began to trust you, unwillingly.
I lean a little, then some more, you pulled back, choose to ignore.
I have rules for a reason you took upon it to yourself to free me from them.
I leaned into your heart, never feeling it beat against mine.