"A Letter To My Anxiety"

I'm scared.

Scared of living yet also scared of death.

But there is no in-between. 

Yet living with you is like death,

Constantly drowning me, I'm choking on my own thoughts,

Wishing, hoping, praying for just one good day.

365 days in a year and I still haven't caught a break. 

Why? 

Why can't u leave me alone?

Why can't you stop altering my mind and giving me this twisted image on what I perceive to be reality. 

Stop making me think about every insignificant word. 

Every drop of my jaw. 

Every nervous chuckle. 

Please have mercy.

You're breaking me in every way possible.

As I stand in front of the mirror, you break it with all of your words.

Thinking. Constantly thinking. Rapidly. Never stopping. 

I woke up this morning. 

But Did I actually wake up? 

Is this even real? 

What is life? 

Why am I not happy? 

What is going on in my head?

Trying to focus but my words are scrambling. 

My head is spinning. 

Okay thats enough now,

Please. 

But you won't have mercy will you?

I surrender to your words.

The thoughts you implant in my head.

The thoughts that mend into my being.

My very soul.

There apart of me now.

Always wth me. 

reminding me about how terrible life is.

How everybody must hate me.

How I can't even step foot outside of the house because I'm to scared to be judged.

to be looked at.

to be seen.

Because if I'm seen what will they see?

A pile of limbs with a broken soul. 

Anxiety I forgive you. 

I forgive you for all the times you've made me cry. 

All the times you stopped me from doing something I wanted to do.

All of the times that you let me down.

I forgive you because I'm hopeful that you will forgive me too,  

For whatever I've done to deserve this torture.