A promise can be misinterpreted

“There can’t be a God” they say,
when so much evil is happening in this world.
“There can’t be a God” they say,
when children is starving,
people getting abused,
and young people die early.
“There can’t be a God,
or maybe there is one,
but He can’t be any good.
Cause how would He allow such things
to happen, if He is so powerful as they say He is?”

They are all under attack.
They are all under the devi’s undercover mission.
If he can spread some lies here and there
in their vision,
than maybe they will believe and listen?
To his words of disbelief and conviction. 

“He can’t care much about me”
“I barely have food on the table for my family” 
“I lost my job
what shall I do?”
These is just examples of what
he tries to do.

“Why should a God care for me?”
“I have prayed for years, but He never answers me”
“Maybe I’m doing it wrong?
Maybe I should pray with a more reliable voice? 
Maybe I should hold my hands like this?
Or kneel just to be sure?
Maybe He will answer me then?
But He doesn’t”
So the devil whispers in your ear.
“He doesn’t care”
“He’s not reliable”
And your faith slowly becomes recognizable. 
You hold Him responsible,
for not being accountable. 
“You promised me, Lord!”
“Are You punishing me, for something I did wrong a long time ago?”

“My God, do You understand my frustration?”
Cause I was there once,
and I believed in the devils accusations.
I couldn’t understand why my son was taken away from me.
And I believed in the lie “You’re punishing me”
I believed in the lie “You’re breaking your promise”
But little did I know what was truly going on.
I wasn’t able to obtain any revelations
I barely managed my own surroundings.
I couldn’t face any circumstances, except my own. 
I felt lost and out of control.

I was blinded by grief.
I was blinded by sorrow.
And that depressed environment didn’t make it easy to face tomorrow.
It was hard to think clearly.
It was hard to live daily. 
And I didn’t care what anybody thought.
I just wanted to rot.
And there it was - a window through. 
The devil now had access to whatever rampage - I allowed him to do. 
I was careless.
My life felt pointless.
I allowed him to walk over me.
I allowed him to talk down on me.
I was to torn - to care about anything.
And I felt sorry for myself, 
I wanted him to pity me, 
at least that’s what I told myself constantly.

“Lord, I took You for granted.
I boxed You in.
But now, we have a personal relationship!”

I got married and I thought it was supposed to be my happily ever after.
But instead it ended with disaster.
I remember choosing a word from Jeremiah.
I picked it out to have in our wedding ceremony. 
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”(Jeremiah 29:11)

I took this verse as a guarantee,
that nothing bad will ever happen to me.
But instead I was lost in the open wide sea.
I didn’t understand.
I misunderstood the meaning.
Maybe I hoped, You were more intervening?

You’d gave that promise in the middle of suffering. 
You’d gave it to your people in their times of needs.
I on the other hand, 
used it as comfort,
used it as peace - before anything bad really happening to me.
I used it as an encouragement,
for the future that lay ahead.
And I guess you can say that I didn’t expect, 
our marriage to start on these terms.
I was unable to accept. 

Now, seven years later.
I know You are far more greater.
I can’t take any sentence I want,
put them there it fits my life experiences the most.
I can’t use Your promises as guarantees,
to fit my personal every day needs.
I can’t take Your word out of context,
fit them wherever I want them next.
I can’t use whatever scripture I want,
and replace it there it suits me best.
Than blame You for not having any interest.

You allow everyone to face trails.
You give us hope and strength when we can’t understand the details of why.
Nothings in this life is a guarantee.
I was blessed to be born free.
I was blessed to have a bed.
I was blessed to be feed.
I was blessed to learn.
That wasn’t something I deserved or earned.
I was blessed to be loved by my family.
I was blessed to learn hospitality.
I was blessed experiencing being a missionary child.
And right now I’m just blessed to be alive.

I will use Your promises to remind me that whatever happens,
You’re in control.
I will use them and trust You, when my circumstances wants to give up hope.
I can choose to hold on to Your words,
when the devil is attacking my mind.
When he tells me to have doubt,
in every promises You have already declared over my life.

I can refuse my mind to believe in the devils lies.
I can resist his mission - cause he has to flee.
That’s what My God is telling me.
I can resist the devils plan
to make me fail,
to make me fall.
He can’t force my thoughts to have impact anymore.

I refuse to let him steal, kill and destroy my life.
My saviors scars is my sunrise.
My new beginning - my second chance.
I no longer have to live in shame.
My burdens are lifted.
My guilt - gone.
And now,
Victory is my new declaration.
I now have a more steady foundation.

The devil can’t take away the promises You’d given me.
He can’t take away my true dignity.
I refuse to let him steal from me once more.
This is a personal war.

He’d stole my soul,
my peace,
my confidence,
and my true inner joy.
He’d destroy me with depression,
with fear,
and anxiety.
Killed my hopes,
my dreams faded.
Killed my self-esteem,
my self-worth dropped lower than it was before.
But he did not succeed - his mission to end my life, 
by putting suicide thoughts inside this brain of mine.

In the scripture there is so much You say about me.
You say that I’m loved unconditionally.
You say I’m unique.
That I’m special.
That You loved me before I’d open my eyes.
That You loved me before my first breath took place.
And I will not let the devil discourage me,
by spreading false accusations about me.
He can’t conquer me.
I will not allow him, this time.
He’s got no power,
no authority,
or authorization 
to tear down the purpose of my true existence.