A Promise From My Demons

Happiness brings fear.
I cannot just live a fairytale,
They simply don't exist.
I'm always facing my demons
In my greatest moments
They're there to remind me
Of all my past mistakes.
Remind me I'm not worthy,
I'm not good enough.
Nothing has worked out
In my history.
Why would I expect now
To be any different?
I've learned to face them,
And just enjoy my pure joy
When it comes.
My monsters will never
Leave me be.
But in the times when
My heart decides to sing,
I choose to sing along with it.
I dread the day
I will no longer be here.
I panic when I hear the voices
Telling me this is all temporary,
I will be back in
My demons' arms again.
Only they know the true me.
They embrace every imperfection.
In fact they encourage my flaws.
They accept me in my entirety.
They try and tell me no one else will.
No one else can ever be there
Like they always are.
But when in pure bliss,
They're screaming voices
Become only a whisper.
I enjoy the moments I can escape.
The times I can feel something.
The times my heart is full.
When I can just be delighted
For the time being.
I feel a sense of freedom.
I feel like I have grown wings,
Flying above like an angel.
Like nothing is impossible.
But alone the creatures creep up.
Reminding me when this is all over,
They will be there to tell me,
"I told you so".
And when they are right,
They don't let me live it down.
They're pleasure comes from
Torturing my already broken soul.
The wings I have sprouted,
They enjoy ripping apart when I fall.
They tare at each feather,
Snap the cartilage,
Reciting "This is why
You cant believe in flight.
You simply cannot think
You can escape us.
We are the ones to transform you
Back to the strong person you are.
Alone, never in need of anyone,
Expect us.
You will fall and when that day comes,
We will take away these silly wings.
These silly notions,
Bring you back to the cynic
You were born to be.
See the world as it is,
Not just another foolish person
To believe goodness can't be touched.
The ignorance of thinking such things.
Even you, in the name of goodness,
Lose people you think know you,
And they see the evil being you truly are.
Silly little girl who thinks
She can fly with the angels,
Yet you speak
The language of the demons.
Stop trying to soar above the clouds,
You belong with us.
Silly child we will bring you back.
We will crush any weakness in you.
We will make you powerful.
We will never leave you.
That's a promise."