A string of guilt

The surface is covered
Guilt and string from another
And just like when you sleep too hard
You've got surface marks
And these are selfish scars
But they don't fade over the time of the day
From the morning to the night of shade
These scars are an in-dent forever
Stupid remarks people thinking their clever
They don't leave us
Never
She said I make her want to slit her throat
I nearly choked, these words are notes
Jotted down in my head
When insecurity comes its food to be fed
No more tears can be shed
Fuck you to that voice in my head
Over and over I read
The word id written onto my leg
With that blood so red
There's been genuine times I've wanted to be dead
My whole brain went silent
Feet were failing me
Heart was beating mad
It ended with a and e
And on my life
Right next to me
was an old man
And he was Fighting to be
Gasping to life
Fighting for his breath
And I'm in my cubicle
Mums crying as I rest
So I stand here now
I'll say it with my chest
I fucking hate life
But I can't choose my fucking death