A thousand truths

I could tell you a thousand truths,
And you would only see the lie,
Painted as a smile on my face and 
Laughter in my voice.

I could tell you how many times you entered my thoughts today,
How often I dream of a reality which will never exist.

I could tell you how I look for you around every corner,
How when I see you, it makes my world stop, How I have to catch my breath when you are near, because my heart beats so loud in my chest, it feels like it will explode.

I could tell you how time stood still when we were together, how I wanted it to last forever, How when you held me in your arms, I felt calm, safe, happy, and whole.

I could tell you how my nerves tingled and my pulse raced when you kissed me, 
How I have loved you for most of my life and How I inflict this daily heartache on myself because I can’t bare the idea of not knowing you.

I could tell you how while I have vowed to always be your friend, it kills me a little more every time I remember it’s all we will ever be.

I could tell you how my heart breaks inside my chest when you choose someone else. 
How it makes my bones shake, my heart sink, and my stomach burn, when I see you with her.

I could tell you a thousand truths,
But you will only ever see the lie, 
Painted as a smile across my face, 
Laughter in my voice 
And words that say “I’m okay”