A wife's love

Two souls and one thought, two hearts and one pulse.
My father passed away February 1st 2009.
In his home, in his own bed.
My mother heard him take his long last deep breath.
I asked her if she held his hand or kissed him or maybe a little hug.
“No I did nothing.” she said. Filled with anger,
knowing he must have felt alone at that very important moment.
“WHY NOT!” I said. “He needed you!”
I should have thought with love instead of speaking with anger.
Being the strong rock foundation of our family,
she held her voice strong replying,
“If I would have allowed myself that,
he would have taken another breath.
And that would be cruel of me to selfishly intrude and not let him go.”
she explained briefly how she heard and recognized
his last exhale,
stopped , listened ,walk closer and made herself stop, releasing him to God .
My sister was sleeping on the couch beside him.
Dad’s peaceful silence woke her right away
(he had that kinda presence) she went to him and my mother grabbed her and shook her head no,
putting her finger on her lips. From a ways they listened and watched silently
until they knew he was gone for sure and gave it even longer just in case.
Finally allowing themselves to go and see, kiss, touch, feel, farewell, and grieve him. Letting themselves exhale deeply with relief.
Oh mom so enduring, amazing and strong willed.
Please teach me, educate me, and shower me in your knowledge and understanding!
Give me strength, selflessness and acceptance. 

L. Mack 
3/2010