Aesthetics and Probability

​I grew up in Englewood on Short Lafayette.

My grandparents lived in the house

at the end of the block on the righthand side.

The dining room had a view of cinderblocks

and the kitchen peered out onto gravel and train tracks.

With these snapshots of the future,

it was likely I would lose my way.

That my teachers would fail me before I had a chance.

That the streets would recruit to fulfill the hustle.

That my final destination was prison.

Or outlined in a lagoon of my own blood.

With these obstructed views,

progression just wasn't expected.

I shared a room meant for a small child

with my mother and three sisters.

Her associate's degree

and love for teaching would be her demise.

When she was promoted from educator to gardener, she concluded her journey.

She saw her children as good soil.

So she planted us with determination and sacrifice.

She believed that despite her choice in men, we were not a mistake.

We were actually her chance to make things right.

I didn't have my own room, let alone my own bed until I went to college.

I grew up the smallest in my class in every grade.

I was teased for being too short and too damn proper.

But you always hear my South Side when I say water or finna.

I love Hot Krunchy Kurls and hot pickles.

I rode the Green Line everyday to get to high school.

I watched Digimon and Power Rangers faithfully on Saturday mornings.

I wore Filas and Air Force Ones and Girbaud and Southpole and Academik

and Roc-A-Wear and LRG and you couldn't tell me nothing.

My mom used to buy my dress shoes from Payless.

And my Easter outfits from the plaza on 63rd & Halsted

or from Dress to Impress.

My allowance was getting my haircut

and bus fare to school.

My first job was a bagger at Jewel-Osco.

I fell in love in 17 and it finally picked me up at 25.

Confessions by Usher is still one of my favorite albums.

When I graduated from kindergarten,

we marched to I Believe I Can Fly.

The man who stands before you

still believes he can.

I may look different

but I am the by-product of humble beginnings.

So please, don't believe in aesthetics and probability.

That's just what they are: appearances and chances.

I just happened to take one for myself.

Thank God I don't look like what I've been through.