Again

I don't know where to go with this 
I don't know how to be
It's typical of me to bury things
Rather than set those things free
I stirred up so many memories
Of a life that I haven't grieved
I allowed myself to falter 
And it's shaken what I believed
I can see the familiar patterns 
In the new life I chose to create
It's leaving me frozen in time
Procrastinating and full of debate 
I chose something so similar 
It's almost laughable to me
In turmoil now trying to deny
This isn't how it's supposed to be
I'm having to rearrange my heart
To hold space for a deep pain
Fighting to catch my breath
I don't want to do this all again