All the little promises.

Because losing you is like a sickness without a cure. And every time you leave it just gets worse and worse. I guess I kept convincing myself of what we could be and even I knew you couldn't love me because god forbid you love someone who can't even love oneself. But I guess I was just breaking my own heart. I kept trying to picture us growing old together and me: happy. And for a while I believed it. Because I thought you loved me and I started to love myself too. And I blamed you for that when really it was me trying to find this happiness I knew I couldn't have. I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted. I'm sorry I was stupid enough to fall for the same lies twice. And the thing is.. I still love you for making me love myself . Because I was unlovable until you taught me what it's like to laugh so hard your stomach hurts, to smile even though you didn't want to, to love someone more than you could love yourself. And I guess I'll always be waiting for you and you know that and you took advantage of it. But I'm glad you were the one who hurt me. I know even though you couldn't honor your promises, that all the "I promise I'll never leave you"'s or the "ill marry you one day"'s or even the "my one and only, I love you"'s even though you can't honor yours I will honor mine forever and always.