ALONE..... 1998

This poem was from a long time ago....  I no longer feel....

ALONE 

I was never in a yearbook

And I wasn't in your class

You never saw me wandering

I have no memories of my past

My fears were never mentioned

 And I didn’t have a mouth

You never saw me in the day

And you never, ever heard me cry out

I walked in darkness daily

And, what light I saw was pale

I ran in the winter to be free

But, was caught and spent months in jail

They set me free, but I was watched

The rules I broke, I paid a heavy price

The days were long, as was my wish

That one day I would find someplace nice

I built my armor from within

My voice was still  silent, years would pass

In each new home waited another nightmare

My time was short, it would not last

Great adventures follow a loner

Off once more I travelled alone

Far from the isle where I was born

Far from the place, where I had no home

In another place I built new memories

Wrought not with anger, nor with pain

New friends await a weary traveler

And a special friend gave me a name

I built new memories for my future

But time was short, I was misled

I broke a rib, and each of these doctors

Turned their backs on me, saying it was in my head

The cuts and scars that maimed my body

Six experimental surgeries I couldn't control

I walked daily through a living nightmare

Left without a thread of hope to hold

Like Alice in Wonderland, I fell down a shaft

I got lost in a world not many will know

And, like the prisons I lived in when I was a child

I was lost in a corrupt system; I couldn't grow

I had a medical problem no one could see

And so many refused to believe

I got lost in medical madness, labeled and broken

By twelve doctors who wouldn't help, but only deceived

They put a machine on my spine,  made me into a robot

Now, my pain is controlled by wires and a  device

Electricity ran through my body each minute

It was forgotten, it malfunctioned almost costing me my life

Year after year, I fought with these doctors

I tried to clear my name and the uncertainty

In report after report, I pleaded for justice

And year after year, no one listened to me

It's been thirteen years, I'm trapped in this nightmare

I will not back down until this madness has ended

Please God wake them up, they keep turning away

I need help, and I hope my body can be mended

Somewhere in my life, time was shifted

I came out into a world I no longer know

And like a Phoenix that rises from the ashes

I'll spread my wings, as I let these memories go....

© Brenda Keough

   April 5, 1998

    4:00-4:04 a.m.

When people can't see things....their automatic reaction is that "it's in your head."  God how many times I wished I could have crawled into my head...and gotten lost....but, it's not that easy....and I would have a fight on my hands that will last a lifetime...due to ignorance and perceptions....

God gave me a warrior's spirit..and I won't go down....that is so....God help those that played a part in continuing my living nightmare....Because at the ended of your road...God will be waiting....  A small issue of a broken rib, turned into "nerve damage, and pain that never ends....

To know that the Workers Compensation Board purchased these devices for thousands of dollars on three occasions, without speaking to me...prior to any surgery...ignoring the surgeon's reports from 1998, that stated "nothing invasive should be done."  fills me with fear, because they are still purchasing these devices....knowing the full consequences I had to face....and I pray that nobody else will face the same......being forgotten.....