Am I Here

Back from the flames
Touched by the fire
Arrival
The demons that got my friends
The winged creatures of the night
The fists rattling my apartment walls
Hundreds of demons knocking to get in
The giant guardians towering over the town
The four eight foot tall shadows on my wall
North was South
South was North
West was East
East was West
The homeless man who tried to poison me
Death by a plugged tailpipe in the snow
The bright light I saw before I passed out
The man who looked at me and made time stop
The devil talking through my radio
The powers I thought I had
Being choked in my sleep
Dreams of starving demons standing at my door
The shrink that fed me the meds
Thinking of pulling the trigger four hours a day
Envisioning the event to see if I could do it
Sleeping twenty hours a day
Applying for disability
Gaining fifty pounds off meds
Forced into a single drooling emotion
Losing my family
Losing my mind
Drinking to blackout
Smoking to not drink
Then drinking anyway
Saying I will stop
Stabbing my soul everyday
Hearing my friends see demons in a cup
Hearing my friends on the phone screaming
They are taking my soul
Hearing voices in the background
Seeing peoples faces changing
Wondering if people are demons
And if they fly
If they can change their appearance
Getting locked in a church
Putting my soul on a card
Finding it in a pile of lost souls
Hearing the soul count
Looking at the piles of paper souls
Seeing the blackened eyes of the followers
Talking to people who disappear
The devil himself strangling me at night
Waking up with no breath
Coming to terms with the fact
That no one will believe me
That it was only in my mind
Trying to live again
Wondering if this is a dream
If I died in the car accident
If the homeless man killed me
If I died of carbon monoxide
If I pulled the trigger
I am still a little confused
I cannot pinch myself hard enough
Am I here
Did I arrive
Did I return
Am I the walking dead
Was I brought back to life
Did my friends lose their souls
When does the next battle start
Because I know the war of man is never over
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