Poem -
Into Nothingness
A clothesline but no clothes drying.
A birdbath in a garden, though no bathing.
Am I there, a shadow of myself,Ā
This blank space? Build up on your page
The image of someone who's not me;
A straw scarecrow in the vegetable patch.
Ā
I'm too late to the outside that's waited for me.
I think of you but it won't do anything.
The house is square. The doors hung on hinges.
Ā
Is that it, am I finished, does sky lie over me
On the outside? Or crashing down like a ceiling?
Ā
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Comments
Incredible amount of emotion in here, I guess being lost inside quite the theme at the moment, love your imagery it's powerful, my dear Rory, I find that if we are able to write from our hearts and actually share a poem with the world I believe that that poem deserves a titleĀ
So hopefully I can send you some of our magic for inspirationĀ
thin airĀ
Into NothingnessĀ
Waiting for the sky to fallĀ
So here's three, I hope you take it with a great compliment that I share my ideas with you. š¹Ā
Ā
Completely humbled šĀ
I think these lines say... lost lost lost x
I'm regretting them as I speak. Too dramatic, Halfmoon was betterĀ
stop criticising yourself R. Poetry is the only free space in this world... anything goes
x
Rory creative writing , with themes from comedy to dark are a tremendous skill of a writer, it show diversity, please don't lose your confidence always be sure you have a range of fans. š¹Ā
š¤ far be it from me but melodrama not exactly very masculine,Ā this one just not authentic
lol don't be daft, a real man absolutely shows his heart.Ā
I could keep the start, try for a better ending. I'm happy with the start
Or come crashing down from above me?Ā
If you want I can edit it and show you
The possibility without changing anything but the last lineĀ ?Ā
Ā
Exactly what I thought, maybe it's just missing a positive resolveĀ
Do you want me to show it to you if I edit?Ā
Yes, pleaseĀ
A clothesline but no clothes drying.
A birdbath in a garden, though no bathing.
Am I there? a shadow of myself,Ā
This blank space built up on your page?
The image of someone who's not me;
A straw scarecrow in the vegetable patch.
Ā
am I too late for the outside that's waited for me?
I think of you but it won't do anything.
The house is square.
The doors hung on hinges.
Ā
Is that it?Ā
am I finished, does sky lie over me?Ā
will it come crashing down from above me?Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
Sorry question mark at the end a great piece of reflection poetryĀ
Ā
It will be credited to you that without you recent poems may never have come to be, I need the encouragement, and because of people like you, I have noticed that's what's been lacking in my development. So thank Shirley H.
No need at all for credit to me, you areĀ the maker and the writer. It's been my pleasure and I also get my inspiration from people much like you, when we can be ourselves on the same page that's internet friendship for sure, anytime, you have a lovely manner in your poetry and if I could be so bold as to say try to believe more in your work as others do. We are all on our own unique journeys but kindness and a help in hand with encouragement never a bad thing. Mr Rory, what a wonderful few days of creativity we have had. I say THANK YOU š š¹š¹š¹š¹