Poem -

Anxiety is a Train

Anxiety is a Train

I am three and I am shaking
Squeezing my eyes shut to the dust and the sun and the cold tile and
I am in the corner
Breathing heavy
I want it to stop
I am six when I tell my best friend I don’t want to wake up some mornings
She thinks I mean drowsy
I mean I’ve been alive for half a decade and I’m tired of it
I mean maybe my birth is a mistake
Maybe I’m not meant to be here, alive
I am nine and I am hiding
Behind boxes and under chairs and in dark rooms
I hide behind books and step inside them
I become invisible so I can disappear into my head
I hide my body so my mind can run and run and run and run
I am twelve but I don’t feel I really am
I am still nine and hiding and I am still six
And I still don’t want to wake up some mornings
I may still be three
Shaking in the corner
I am fifteen and anxiety runs through my body like a train
Rips through my chest and into my limbs
I can’t breathe for an hour in the toilet stall
I can’t make the noise in my head stop
The noise and the train and I can’t breathe
I am eighteen and the train made my body too tired
I am carnage, bent metal and black smoke
I am six and I don’t want to wake up in the morning
I am hiding behind boxes and praying I don’t wake up in the morning
I am three against cold tile praying
I am twenty-one and I began to reassemble the pieces of my body
I put together my arms and legs and made them stronger
I still hide in dark rooms and disappear into books
But this time I don’t let the train tear my chest in two
And I hope I wake up in the morning.

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Comments

author
Marion Price

This is the best thing iv read in a while Hannah, brought a tear to my eye you describe it all so well. I absolutely love how you have constructed this, I felt everything you have written. Always amazes me how many people suffer. Excellent...pinned ...hugs💕

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author
Liliana of the ...

Glad to hear that you are free from the Dark train of thought, overcome what they tried to hold back. But no one or nothing can hold back a strong heart. 

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