As I lay here at night....

As I lay here at night...

As I lay here at night, 
With a million thoughts upon my mind,
Which one do I pick,
It’s too hard to find.
As usual they’re Happy  ones, 
With my boys and partner close behind.
Walking through the forest with my kids,
Hop,
Skip and jump over the seas left over streams,
Adventures like those,
Are now but a distant dream....
It's not all bad now though,
On my chariot with bright pink wheels,
Feeling the cold metal as I pull myself along,
Or when any of my boys take over,
Giving my arms a rest uphill,
For that you need to be stretch Armstrong,
Or guide myself backwards with my legs to the top of the hill.
People may snigger,
People may laugh,
But you give it a go backwards,
when on an uphill path,
Against someone going forward,
Then see who finishes last.
No matter in life I’m always with joy singing.
Nothing will ever beat me,
Just as long as my boys stay smiling,
Laughing and grinning,
That’s all in life,
What I need,
To be #winning!

So as I lay here at night,
at 2am in the morning,
They are my muse for more poetry it seems,
For a day with my boys,
Is far from boring!
Up at the crack of dawn,
Riley with coffee in hand,
Kobes then leaving as the rest of us yawn,
To start another day,
Through his high school doors.
Then its riley and Bradley’s mad rush and to finish their chores,
Making my day a little easier,
With some spare time now stored...
Is it sad though for a fully grown adult to admit?
That when I’m without my boys ,
It makes me feel...
Well,
Homesick....
I thought I had left that homesick feeling behind,
When i first left at 17 and a half,
Staying with my partner and calling her home mine.
By then,
I didn’t get homesick anymore, 
No more triggered thoughts anymore in my mind.
It wasn’t till my very first bond,
That homesick feeling came back,
The first time my heart was without that extra special bind,
Was when I remembered that horrible homesick feeling,
Back from when i was a child.
3 bonds down the line,
13 years later and homesickness still plagues my mind.
Sounds silly doesn’t it?
I’m a single terminally Ill 34 year old dad,
I only have 1 night a fortnight without them,
But those 26 nights a year without their sounds of laughter I could have had,
Are the 26 nights a year that I’m homesick bad!
It doesn’t matter the stress they’ve caused,
Or how many grey hairs I’ll lose or sprout,
I love just being happy with my boys,
And they rarely make me mad....
Especially love the looks of excitement and joy on our family days out.
Kobe’s nearly 14 now though,
So less he will be doing with his brothers and I,
I suppose,
As he’ll constantly want to be going out,
Leaving behind his 3 amigos!
I pride myself on my fatherhood,
Knowing I’ve always tried my best,
Although at times the tides against me,
I think I’m nailing my fatherhood quest.
All my boys want is for me to get better and rest,
But in the same heartbeat they can snap,
And my authority is put to the test!
Lucky for them that they know my true secret,
I’m soft on the inside,
When my exoskeleton is weakened!
Lucky for them that it is that way,
As I give off a radiance of fatherly love,
A Million times stronger than the suns high powered Rays,
Which could power the earth till the end of days!
And these are but just a few of my thoughts,
As I lay here in my now 2.30am daze,
I’ll say goodnight,
Otherwise all night I’ll write,
So once again,
Good night,
 sleep tight,
and as we say,
‘’See you in the morning light''....