Ash Retention

Every morning
I slip into the closet
and there you are to greet me

My beloved ashes in a box

It was three years to this day
when you went away
leaving devastated me behind
with nothing
but a cremation receptacle
and plenty of memories

You wished for your remains
to be scattered into the sea
but I'm sorry
I just can't let go
and accept the permanency
of inevitable death
which visits us all eventually

I so wish it had been me first
cause every day without you
is sheer agony

Today I tell our friends
your remains stay with me
for sentimental value
but it's a cowardly alibi
to deny a grim reality
I will probably
never come to grips with