Auntie Mabel

Aunty Mabel.

On Christmas Eve the tree is lit, the fire is warm and bright.

Shadows from the baubles dance happily in the light.

Everyone is cosy as we wait around the table.

Then mummy opens up the door and says ‘Here’s Aunty Mabel’.

Now Aunty Mabel only comes out once a year and so

we have to be polite but we can’t wait for her to go.

This horrid piggy lady just turns up with her case

and stays for blooming ages with a smirk upon her face.

She says ‘you lovely children’ and ‘my how you’ve all grown’.

She doesn’t really mean it and we wish that she’d go home.

She’s such a fatty, all her buttons look like they will pop.

I’m trying to be kind to her but this time I can’t stop!

There has to be an end to it before we all go mad,

I’ll hatch a plan and sort it out and then they’ll all be glad.

She sits there with her legs apart showing everyone her knickers.

Dad’s unhappy; you can tell it’s giving him the jitters.

She chews and eats and burps out loud till I’m sure there’s no more room

And then announces 'no-one needs the toilet I assume’.....

And now the bathrooms freezing with the windows open wide.

The smell in there is very bad with trumpy poos inside.

She used up all the toilet roll and dad had to fetch more

He held his nose, went up the stairs and chucked it round the door.

‘That’s it’ cried Dad ‘she’s got to go ’I can’t stand anymore’

‘Phone a taxi mother please she’s going at half past four!

But as Aunty flushed the toilet, washed her hands and stepped outside

The cat ran past and tripped her up, (she’s as tall as she is wide)

She wobbled round the landing and fell against the doors

All the time emitting the most the most enormous roars

She hovered at the very top, balancing by a hair

And the cat, who was frightened by the noise, tipped her down the stairs.

She bounced on every single step because she was so fat

We stood and watched with open mouths till she blobbed down on the mat

‘Oh thank goodness’ Mother said as Aunty lay there panting

(Good job she is so fat because it helped with the crash landing)

‘Help oh! Help’ cried Aunty whilst she lay upon the floor

‘I think you’ve tried to kill me, I won’t come here anymore ‘

 ‘There, there Aunty’ dad said with a grin upon his face

I think you need the hospital to check you, just in case

So, an ambulance came on Boxing Day to 24 Cod Street

They hoisted Aunty in the back and plonked her on a seat

The wheels sunk down into the snow with the weight they had inside

We all stood on the path and watched. The cat stood there with pride!

‘I’m never coming back’ said Aunty ‘You’ve seen the last of me’

And as we waved goodbye, Dad said ‘Shall we go out for tea!