Babylon (Confusion)

I am optimistic, charismatic, and honest to a fault
I am saved by a living God
But I feel often that there are two sides to me
More?
Unending Love, Compassion
Sympathy and a willingness to please

My lesser heart is Evil
A thing spawned of darkness and putrefaction
That of a Monster barely contained by Faith 
I Fear a Snap, or a Tear inside of Me
Unleashing myself upon the world
An Ugly Creature of Death
Stalking the Earth
God has told me to love eternally
But (IF!) I did not feel the need to believe
I would loose any Moral scruples
Any Emotion
That I could flip a switch
Turning off all emotion
Any Feeling
Does the recognition of this Render my
Generosity, Love, Honest
False?
Am I the Great Pretender?
And if my good side is Act I
Is my Evil side just cleverly manipulating
Myself?
 

Thing ringing that I suffer
I have drowned out for years
With the background noise of 
The World
Now I stare blankly 
Listening to the unceasing tone
Of my Insanity

Are the voices the echoed whispers
Of Humans or Angels
Commenting on every move or thought I make
Rolling dice on which path I will follow
Taking bets on the Day
The Hour
The Second even 
Is it Sad that when the voices cease
I feel Alone?
Are the voices a product of my own mind?
Different, Strange personalities that I have yet to Identify?

I have learned to live with the Headaches
They seem most constant now
A sometimes Faint, sometimes Encompassing
Pressure
I have come to accept the declining vision
Of my Eyes
Trying to Acquaint myself with  the Looming
Threat of Blindness
The Pain of this Life 
A Readying for the Torture that I will Endure
Before my Mortal Death
But only if I choose for the Good...

No doubt the ramblings of a tortured Mind
Whirling, Tumbling down the rabbit-hole
Babbling Rambling Speaking Strange Sounds
Someone will see the Art
The Light, Glory, Music 
In the tortured words
You... I Love.... Or Hate...
I Do Not Know....