Be careful what you wish for...

The truth is i have spent a total of four years becoming a different person,

The person that parties and hooks up with strangers

Someone who paints her pain with scarlet on her thighs

Bulimic splatters becoming my shadow after every meal

I tried to isolate myself because that's the person i had to be.

It was the only way I could live to survive

The phrase 'Be careful what you wish for' makes me flinch like i have been shot with an air rifle.

Because although not all of my adolescent traits have cemented themselves in my soul,

Before the infamous attempt- i was shallow but stable

Now I am a haunted mess on the road to recovery

But i sometimes wonder... through all of these conflicted emotions... Do  have anybody to blame but myself?