because

because honestly im so stressed out

and the mere thought

of putting more food on my plate

makes me cry

because im like a mixture of ammonia and bleach

waiting for someone to inhale my toxic being

take it away from me

this is not what i planned

because i have an excessive desire for you

and if or when you leave

my incandescent happiness will submerge to hell

and out of hell will climb a destructive and corrupted feeling

of desolation

because you see

you are spectacularly uncoordinated

beautifully genuine

regretfully silent

desperately desperate

unfathomably thoughtful and

absolutely favorable

and when I do not receive the beautiful and gratifying experience of your presence

this beast will weave through my body and leak out in every way possible

I will bleed tears and indignation and agony

your absence will forever remind me that life is burdensome

operose

arduous

laborious and demanding

but life is also ravishing

it has a way of making you feel so many different things

you never grow disinterested

its like a story and you are the main character

and like every author does with every story 

there has to be revision

and modification

as the red ink drips on the paper marking out all the things are wrong

do not become overwhelmed with the flaws

become proud of them 

because you are recognizing better and without them you would be inhuman

and fabricated of so much false emotion

you are made up of so any complexities and deficiencies and deformities 

and that is so much more beautiful than a perfect life

so take those struggles and those desolate feelings

and throw them at that beast and say

“you don’t control me anymore

you may think you have fully corrupted me but no,

i am as strong as i have ever been

and smart enough to know that you made me think

life is something not to be cherished”

but oh, how wrong you were.