Behind this Smile

I can't stop this feeling from surfacing. It lingers everywhere, all the time. My body is no longer able to withstand my past refugees,and now I'm stuck. I'm stuck pretending that it's not there, because acknowledging it only allows more. The depression keeps building. How much longer can I hide it? When I smile, it hurts; my lips twitch as if begging me to stop the charade. My hands tremble in solitude as my soul dredges away into nothingness. Wave after wave of despair crash upon me, steadily reminding me, that this is what I deserve; that the past was all my doing. I've unlocked this vicious cycle of endless insanity. Endless regret. I'm desperately trying to cover my tracks, but how could I hide from myself? From the truth of what I've done? Now it's as if everything is moving so damn fast, and I'm left trying to stay in tune. I keep trying to catch my breath, but in turn I lose my grip, and my mind. Fighting for my life never seemed so wrong. I feel this self inflicted pain as I delve deep into my mind, trying to see where it all went wrong. But I can't take this anymore. I'm starting to fade away...