Big boys don't cry...do they..by Jude kyrie

You must know this  before I begin.
I was only  a teenage boy way back then.
I was definitely not a safe place
to be called home.
She was even younger than I was.
We were not just ready—
for---marriage or anything close to it.
it still does not excuse what we did.
somethings have no forgiveness.

Since that long ago day
I have always wanted a daughter.
I know she will never come.
It is my burden--My fault.

I sat in the beat up old car
In the car park of the clinic.
Whilst she went through ---with ----it.

I am a man's man.
I never cry ....ever.
But the tears flowed then
down my young face relentlessly.
My breath was spent from sobbing.
I could not stop the tears.

I know now I should not
have tried to stop them.
For I was in mourning
for the daughter 
I want so badly now.

Now all these years later.
On quiet summer days 
when the lake shimmers 
in the bright sunlight.
And the perfumed magnolias bloom.
I see a young teenage girl
nubile and innocent.
swimming in the 
calm waters of the lake.