BIGGER FASTER STRONGER, (chapter 3 of my book i'm writing feedback guys please)

Judging by the clock on the dashboard itās been ten minutes since my arms embraced Elle.
I look out the window and frown as I see an overcast of black clouds forming overhead.
I look down at the map. āThree miles out guysā I shout.
āIām boredā Elle says draping her arms over my shoulders.
āBored, bored, boredā she continues to whisper in my ear.
Ok! āenough, I get it! Youāre bored, what do you expect me to do about it?ā
Ā She yawns. āI donāt knowā she replies deflated by my answer.
I continue to drive thinking what I could do with her to relieve her boredom.
Then it comes to me in the form of a burnt out sports shop.
I pull into the car park. A bunch of walkers mar my way, but not for long. I hit the gas and amuse myself by playing human skittles.Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā
BUMP! āAdiosā I shout as I send one scuttling through the burnt out window of a nearby shop.
The crack of bones echoes beneath the ambulance as I mow the next one down and proceed to run over its legs. It thrashes around on the floor with black goo oozing from the wounds were its bones had snapped like twigs and protruded through its paper thin skin.
The third disintegrated on impact painting the rear of the ambulance a nice shade of black.
Fun time over I park the ambulance. I grab the mp5 open the door and hop down.
āOn me, Jasonā I say as I close the door.Ā Ā
The sigh he lets out tells of his frustration. I knew he didnāt want to come but what choice did I have? I couldnāt leave him alone with Elle.
Again I bark my order, āon me, I said.ā
This time he follows.
We enter the building. Itās dark. I head back to the vehicle and scavenge through the bags Jason had packed back at the hospital.
āThat will do nicelyā I say flicking the torch on/off making sure it worked. Next I take some surgical tape and attach the torch to the top of the mp5.
Ā āWhereās my weapon?ā Jason asks as I continue to wrap the tape around.
I turn snarling and reply ānot a fucking chance!ā
He cowers. I think he thought I was going to belt him. Iāll be honest with you Iām finding it hard not to, heās really let me down.
I shut the driverās door then head to the passenger side, kiss Elle and say āOnce this door locks under no circumstances are you to open it and if Jason comes out alone you shoot him dead you listening?ā I say handing her my handgun.Ā
I walk back to the door with my modified mp5 in hand and shout.
āIs there anybody inside?ā no reply returns so I figured it safe to enter.Ā
āKeep close, Jason!ā I say turning my head to face him.
A pile of dead rat carcasses crunches under foot as we venture inside.
All seems clear as the round orb of light bobs from wall to wall.
We continue in. Jasonās hand rests on my shoulder; itās like the blind leading the blind.
Ā We venture further; the building creaks and moans as it settles down and with the darkness and the creaky moans, it felt like we were walking through a haunted house, all we need to finish the scene is something to jump out and scare the shit out of us.
We continue in our formation towards the back of the shop and there on the wall is what I was hoping to find. I reach up and take the crossbow off the wall then search for the bolts.
āIs that for me?ā Jason asks.
āErr, I donāt think so. I wouldnāt trust you with a toothpick; youāve a long way to go to earn back my trust. It will be a while until you get your hands on another weaponā I snarl.
āFine!āĀ He replies deflated.
Hey! āDonāt go making out Iām being unfair to you. Itās nobodyās fault but your own, all I did was give you enough rope to hang yourself and hang yourself you did. Prick.ā
He doesnāt reply. I feel the warmth of his breath on the naĆÆve of my neck as he lets out a prolonged disappointed sigh.
Rumble! Rumble! The beam of my torch snaps to the floor and follows the cricket ball rolling towards us. My heartbeat quickens the hairs on the back of neck raise like little soldiers standing to attention. āI donāt think we are aloneā I whisper.Ā I was right.
I shine the torch beam franticly darting left to right up/ down searching for whatever or whoever rolled that ball.
āPlease donāt shoot! A voice cries out.
I instantly spin in its direction bringing the beam from my torch to the face of a small boy. He looks frightened his hands are up in front of his face and he peers back through his curtained fingers. I cautiously move closer. Iāve already been ambushed once so Iām not taking any chances. Yes, he may be only a boy but how do I know there isnāt anybody else lurking in the shadows? I didnāt so Iām not taking any unnecessary risks.
I draw level; his hands remain in place shielding his eyes from my torch beam. I move it to the side, his hands lower. I can hear his thoughts. So much anger oozed from this kid. He wanted to rip me limb from limb and bathe in my blood.Ā Strange I have never been able to read a humanās mind; maybe my abilities are evolving. I donāt know just surmising but something doesnāt read right with this kid. Yes, he looks normal but the hairs standing on the back of my neck say differently.
āAre you here on your own kid?ā I ask.
He doesnāt answer. His stare is unnerving.
I take a bar of chocolate from my pocket; rip the wrapper open and ease the tasty morsel out and offer it to him.
Here! āTake it.ā I say extending my hand.
He bums shuffles backwards. He doesnāt trust me. Maybe he thinks Iām trying to poison him?Ā With this in mind I take a bite of the chocolate bar and chew pretending itās nice and yummy but in reality to me it tastes like shit but I think Iāve convinced him.
I offer it to him again. He hungrily snatches it from my hand and devours the whole thing wrapper and all.
Hey! āyouāre not supposed to eat the wrapper!āĀ
I take another bar out and remove the wrapper saying āsee, like this.ā I watch as the wrapper drifts to the floor. Suddenly the boyās eyes widen. Crimson eyes stare back from the dark. He lunges forward like some feral kid. Heās strong. His head connects with my sternum and sends me flying into some nearby shelves. I sit slumped thinking āboy, this kids abnormally strong.ā I look round for Jason. Just as I thought the cowardly bastard is nowhere to be seen and to top that my fucking torch is broken. I sit in the darkness straining my eyes. What was that thing? It was certainly no kid. Its strength was on par with my own; it totally caught me off guard.
I ease myself to my feet using the shelf behind me as leverage thinking, āif itās infected; why canāt I see it?ā
Bang! Crash! My eyes dart from wall to wall. I can hear something scuttling along the walls. Balls, bats and other sports equipment crash to the floor as whatever it is leaps from shelf to shelf. I suddenly find myself out of my depth. If this is an infected Iām dealing with itās certainly not one Iāve come across before.
I edge forward towards the light beckoning me from outside the dark dank confines I find myself in; Jason is still AWOL; the wanker, waitĀ till I get my hands on him.
I ease my way towards the light using the shelves as my guide.
Thud! The way forward is blocked. Burning red eyes block my way, I knew there was a body below those red eyes. I lift the mp5 and take aim and pull the trigger. CLICK! CLICK! I frantically eject the magazine tap it against my leg and reinsert it; again I pull the trigger. CLICK! CLICK! Fuck! āit must be a bad primerā I think as the burning red eyes slowly move towards me. I turn to run.
āHere, try these for sizeā Jason shouts.
I spin to face the direction I thought his voice came from.
I can see the whites of his eyes.
Ā āHere, catch!āĀ He says throwing something towards me.
I blindly throw my hands out hoping to catch whatever he has thrown. I miss and whatever it was wraps my knuckles.
Fuck! āJason what did you throw?ā i ask shouting into the darkness.Ā Ā Ā Ā
Ā āBolts for the cross bow.ā He replies.
Suddenly the burning eyes snap to Jasonās direction. I watch as they leap to the ceiling; they pause and glance towards me then head towards Jason.
Jason! āitās coming your wayā I scream.
He doesnāt answer.
I drop to my knees and blindly fumble on the floor for the bolts and after some fumbling my hand catches the point of the bolt. I quickly pick them up and load the bolts into the cross bow. Iām now locked and loaded.Ā As I loaded the bolts I felt a mounted scope I raise the bow to my eye and to my surprise my surroundings turn green as luck would have it the crossbow Iād picked was equipped with a night vision scope. Lucky or fate? You decide but I am grateful itās there.
Help! Help! āGet this fucking thing off meā Jason yells.
I head towards Jasonās cries. I turn the corner. There it is hunched over Jason I fire. The bolt buries itself deep into its back. It lets out a piercing scream and scurries off into the darkness.
I grab Jasonās hand, pull him to his feet and give the order to run.
We both sprint towards the door using the light filtering in as our guide. Suddenly I feel a jolt; my load lightens as Jason fingers slip from my hand. I stop and turn in his direction just in time to see his face disappear into the darkness. The screams that follow will haunt me forever. I turn and sprint towards the exit. The morning sun kisses my face as I exit into the sunlight. I continue forwards towards the ambulance yelling, āElle open the fucking door!āĀ Ā Ā
She hears my cries and swings the door open. I give one last look behind me and then jump in. I sit panting gathering my breath.
āWhereās Jason?ā Elle asks.
I sigh, āI donāt know.ā
āYou killed him, didnāt you?ā she yells.
I shake my head frantically and reply. āI didnāt, I swear Elle, I didnāt. One minute he was there the next he was goneā I reply.
āLiar, liar, youāre a fucking liarā She screams then launches herself towards me using her fists as the drumsticks against my chest the drum.
I grab her hands and squeeze them together holding them in place in front of her.
Elle! āI swear I did him no harm, there is something inside that store; something I have never come across before; thatās what took Jason. Yes, I hated the guy but I couldnāt kill him, I needed himā I reply calmly.
Suddenly the colour washes from her face.
āSomething like that?ā she says pointing to the stores doorway.
I let go of her hands and slowly turn to face the store.
I gulp loudly several times. There stood in the doorway dripping in Jasonās blood holding both his severed arms is a small boy around Elleās age. I turn to face her watching her eyes well before overflowing down her cheeks. I pull her towards me offering words of comfort saying, āhey! Little one, donāt cry, everything is going to be alright. I promise I wonāt let anything happen to you; youāre special Elle more than you will ever know. Now dry those tears and hide.ā
I smile, she returns the gesture.
Ā Can you remember what I said earlier on about growing up and being my soldier?ā I continue to ask.
She wipes her tears on her sleeve and replies, āyes I doā then tucks herself away in the passengerās foot well.Ā
I smile and say, āStay there while I go and have a chat with my friend.
I open the door, ādonāt goā Elle says tugging me back by my trousers.
I grab her hand and gently pull it away. Our eyes meet. āI promise Iām coming backā I whisper.
I step out, cross bow in hand, close and lock the door, gulp and slowly walk towards the boy.
Up until now I thought I was top of the food chain but now this boy casts a stark shadow over that. Heās small and at first glance youād think Iād easily over power him, however donāt let looks deceive you because this little bastard packs a punch. Heās as strong as or stronger than me and fucking lightning fast.
I check the crossbow as I slowly put one foot in front of the other.
Itās a Concorde crossbow equipped with the latest quick draw mechanism and comes with a nine ounce co2 gas bottle and with a touch of a button it autoĀ reloads itself. Neat eh! The reason I wanted the bow in the first place was to teach Elle to shoot in the hopes it would relieve her boredom that and the 1911 recoil was too powerful for her.
I sling the bow strap over my shoulder so that the bow now rests on my back and decide to test whatever stands before me strength.
I edge closer. It doesnāt move to meet me; seems as though it wants me to come to him. I oblige and creep forward stopping a few feet away. White meets red as our eyes lock. Itās just a boy dressed as a boy would. Ripped blood soaked jeans don his dainty legs whilst a once white t-shirt dons his dainty frame; blood soaked trainers finish his ensemble. I can see bloody footprints set into the concrete behind him. His face is badly burnt down his left side and his left eye protrudes further than his right. He continues to stare. That stare of his makes my blood curdle and causes multiple shivers to run down my spine. Itās like weāre in a scene from a wild west movie waiting for the first one to draw all we needed was the music.
Suddenly! The boys head begins to shake violently side to side and as it does bits ofĀ his face fly off in all directions, his nose comes to rest on the bonnet of the ambulance its ear sticks to the shop door and slowly slides towards the ground on a slug like trail.
I stand dumfounded as the boyās face literally unravels before me and when his head finally stops shaking Iām no longer faced with a little boy. What Iām faced with is something else. My eyes struggle to process the view presented. Itās a cross between a runner and a shuffler. Its teeth are shark like, serrated and jagged perfect for tearing flesh. Its eyes oval and burn blood red.
Ā I continue to watch with stalked eyes as Jasonās severed appendages drop simultaneously to the floor. I thought its transformation was complete and readied my stance for combat; I was wrong. Fingers drop from its hands. I gasp loudly as the skin on its hands begin to split oozing thick black sludge. I gulp swallowing air as one by one fingers drop to the floor replaced by serrated claws.
Suddenly it opens its mouth and lets out an ear piercing scream.
THUD! My eyes instantly snap to the roof of the store. I gulp loudly thinking, Shit! āNow there are two.ā
āSo thatās your game! You were waiting for back up, you sneaky bastard!ā
THUD! The other creature, lands just in front of me.
My eyes widen, adrenaline pumps around my tiny frame and for the first time in ages I can honestly say Iām scared. Maybe today will test my ability to heal and if I can actually be killed?
I stand my ground on shaky legs and put on a brave face as Elle peers out the window.
Outnumbered two to one and with a foe Iāve never fought before I dig deep and draw on the courage I see in Elleās eyes thinking āI have to survive this. It doesnāt bare thinking about what they would do to Elle if I were to die today.ā
I alter my stance from defensive to aggressive and propel myself forward at great speed.
WHACK! My head goes back as the one nearest to me connects with great conviction sending me hurtling backwards into the ambulance.Ā Ā
Iām dazed; stars dance on the edge of my vision and the left side of my jaw hangs in the balance teetering on falling completely off and hangs by thread of sinewy muscle.
Fuck! āThese fuckers are strongā I think while staring into Elleās tear filled eyes.
Ā āIāve got to survive if not for my sake for hers, sheās depending on meā I think whilst pulling myself free from my metal coffin.Ā
Hey! āWhatās with all the noise?ā Joey says sticking his head out the back of the ambulance.
āIād sit this one out if were you? If I donāt make it make sure the little girl locked in the front reaches sanctuary, ok?ā
He nods then disappears back inside.
My eyes glance left to right sizing up my opponents. I decide to attack the smaller one whoās been content to watch from the back ground. Again I propel myself forward. A flash of red covers my vision. Itās as if Iām on autopilot and watching from outside my own body as the next bloody few minutes unfold.
Ā The small one lets out a piecing scream as I run towards it with my fist tightly clenched like a wrecking ball.
Ā I swing from the hip adding my full body weight increasing my momentum. CRACK! A slow sadistic grin graced my face as its jaw breaks, bones splinter and exit through its membrane skin, black goo oozes out and drips off the end of the exposed glistening bone.
Ā They knew they could hurt me and now they know I can hurt them after showing I give as good as I take.
Ā Game on fuckers!
I launch myself again this time I draw the knife concealed in my belt and drop to my knees sliding past the larger one and slash wildly severing its tendons. It stumbles forward as skin peels from bone leaving a fountain of black goo that pumps out as though being forced through a high pressure hose. It squeals. It actually feels pain. Not like the shufflers or runners which feel nothing. These are alive; thick black veins pulsate over a blackened heart that beats within their thin membrane skin.
I smile to myself thinking, āI wonder if they know that I know how to kill them now?
I launch again knife in hand slashing with precision severing its claw like hand in a shower of black blood, it thrashes around wildly spattering its surroundings with jet black blood. It squeals again; the larger one answers in kind and goes to its aid. I thought Iād seen it all, however I was wrong.
The larger one opens its mouth and when I say open, I mean open. Must have dislocated its jaw for its mouth to open that wide it literally looked like a pedal bin. I watch in disbelief as it swallows the childlike one whole and incorporates it into its own body. Another arm bursts out from within; a second later another joins it and Iām sure itās taller than before. I gulp loudly when I see the damage that I had inflicted has totally healed and so has mine come to mention it. My jaw moves as it should, no longer did it hang to the side of my face.
Exhausted I attack again slashing frantically I cut the beast several times, black blood oozes from the freshly cut wounds Iād inflicted. I gulp loudly as they heal a second later. It seemed to be using the smaller ones ingested body as a means of self-healing.
I attack again. My arms feel heavy, my muscles are weary my high metabolism meant I had to gorge regularly to keep my energy levels up and now I was like one of those bunnies you see on the Duracell adverts and my sluggish movements made for easy counters. I wince through gritted teeth as one of its four claws makes contact and slashes my side leaving five deep claw marks. I place my hand over the wound and apply pressure watching as crimson blood bubbles through the cracks between my fingers. I can feel the wounds open and close in tandem with my breathing. I feel faint and start to fade between night and day. Exhausted, wounded and rapidly losing blood I drop heavily onto my knees. CRACK! My knee caps shatter as they hit the concrete floor. I wince and cry out in pain as the pain succumbs me and numbs my senses.
I turn to face Elle; she bangs on the window shouting, āget up Jane, please get up!ā
I dig deep and muster what strength I had buried deep within but it was more than that, the thought of leaving this kid alone cut me to the core and spurred me on. I think I love her, but how can I tell? I mean, what is love? Itās hard to differentiate something when you havenāt experienced it before.
āBehind you!ā Elle shouts frantically stabbing her finger towards the beast rapidly approaching from behind. I turn whack! My head goes back. I feel my own blood splash against my face as its claw catches my face and carves a picture down the right side. The force of the blow knocks me onto my back. I wince as the bow digs into my spine as I make contact with the ground.Ā The creature backs away. It seems to be studying me, maybe looking for any weaknesses it can exploit. Iāve had enough one more blow from those huge claws and Iām finished. I slide the crossbow off my arm and press the button at the side of the trigger and listen as the mechanism whirls and grabs an arrow and reloads it. I take aim and fire, the whips of the bolt flying through the air is music to my ears. The creature screams as the bolt hits home pinning its left arm to the door. I quickly press the button again and reload another bolt, aim and fire and pin its other arm to the door; it squeals as the bolts find their mark. I reload again and fire this time piercing its black heart, the scream makes my ears run crimson causing a river of blood to trickle down my neck. Seeing my victory complete I rise on unsteady feet and shuffle towards it.
āWhat are you?ā I ask while peering into its dimming eyes.
āWhat are you?ā it replies.
I chuckle, āthe last thing youāre ever going to seeā with that said I grab hold of its head and vigorously twist left to right then pull sharp horizontally and remove its head, spinal column and all then gorge on its brain to replenish my energy levels. Here we go again. I say wiping the black goo from my lips as the creatureās memories flood my cerebral cortex. Iām in a health centre holding my motherās hand waiting to be called for my appointment when suddenly the door burst open and in comes another creature, one of which Iāve yet to see in person, itās fucking huge. Its belly is engorged, Iām about to find out why. People scream, running around like headless chickens with one direction in mind the exit which this huge create dominates. I can see millions of slug like creatures swimming around in its gut. It opens its mouth, and out swims thousands of them sniffing the air with their little flared nostrils, darting in every direction as they acquire their scent. I watch as one latches onto my mother and forces its way into her mouth. Blood drips from her lips, she drops to her knees, her body starts to convulse as though she was having a fit. Suddenly sheās silent. I feel all the boysā emotions as he goes to her aid shaking her vigorously shouting āwake up mummy wake up!ā
Ā Her eyes open their blue glaze has disappeared, replaced with a fiery red. She grabs me and throws me against the wall. I slump to the floor. I hear a tiny squeak beside my ear then an unbearable pain follows as it burrows deep inside me. Silence follows as I black out. I wake an hour later as one of those creatures.
Ewe! āThatās just gross.ā Elle says tapping me on the shoulder.
I snap to. My mind returns.
I sigh and reply. ā I thought I told you to stay in the ambulance?ā
You did and I did until I saw you covered in that black stuff, I thought you were hurt, thatās the only reason I left the ambulance.ā
I smile, āwell as you can see Iām fine, just hungry thatās all; so fucking hungry.
She rolls her eyes and replies. āWhatās wrong with normal food?ā
I shrug replying. You donāt understand Elle. You canāt do because even I donāt understand. āĀ Ā
āTry me.ā
āNot now, maybe later.ā
She frowns and replies, āOk.ā
I remove the bolts pinning the creatureās arms to the door and its arms flop to its side. Next the one from its heart, that one is buried further in and took some pulling but eventually I manage to wriggle it free.
I clean the bolt heads up by wiping the black goo on my trousers. (not as though youād notice there already covered in black shit so whatās a bit more?). I reload the spent arrows back into the chamber and press the button and watch as the arm grabs a bolt and readies it to fire. I apply the safety thinking my adventurous day was over and sling it back over my back.
Suddenly the back doors open on the ambulance and Joe jumps down.
āHey Joe, everything alright?ā I ask smiling.
"Yeah, fine thanks for asking, however i have to decided to go my own way if that sits well with you? Far too much excitement happening around you and Iāve a strange feeling that this sort of thing happens to you all of the time; am I right?ā
Ā Ha, ha "I suppose,Ā youāre free to leave as you please you were never a prisoner. Here take this it will protect youā I say handing him the 1911 and spare clips.
He smiles, āI canāt take thisā he replies whilst his eyes give it the once over.
I let out a sigh and reply, ācause you can. How else are you going to protect yourself out there?ā
He shrugs. āfine I see your point in that case I humbly accept your giftā he retorts.
āHelp yourself to anything you need, take as much food and water as you can carryā I reply.
āThank you so much for your kindness and generosity which makes this next bit a little harder to swallow.ā
Swallow? Joe youāre making no sense. What are you talking about?ā
He frowns. I watch as the wrinkles in his brow and cheek turn towards the ground.
āWhatās wrong my friend?ā I ask.
He doesnāt answer; well he does sort of but not verbally. Suddenly he draws his gun.
āYouāve got to be shitting me, youāre messing rite?ā I ask.
Nope! Deadly serious, Iām afraid Iām going to have to relieve you of those keys.ā
I frown. I can feel my blood starting to boil.
Joe sees Iām disappointed and explains himself, āLook! Iām sorry. Yes, you have been kind and been a most accommodating host but I need the ride Iām afraid.ā
I turn to Elle and clutch her tightly to my waistline and reply.
āLook Elle this is what happens when you show weakness, people shit on you.ā
āEwe thatās disgusting!ā she retorts screwing her face up in disgust.
āHa, ha, no, not literally, itās another word us adults use when weāre let down by anotherā I reply still chuckling to myself.
Enough! āHand over the keys!ā Joe shouts shattering my family time with Elle.
Ā My eyes lock with his. There is no way heās having my ride. Yes, itās just machinery and not worth dying over and yes I can easily replace it but itās the principle of the matter after all I did for him, I gave him shelter and filled his belly and this is how he chooses to repay me. Greedy bastard! Iāll show him my form of gratitude.
Ā I swing the keys around my finger. he watches as the momentum builds until they reach the top of my finger and finally slip off and fly high into the air.
I watch as his eyes follow the keys accent.
Got ya!
āItās called misdirection you foolā I shout as I knock him on his arse with one perfectly timed blow to his right temple.
He scrambles on the floor, reaching for the weapon that eludes his reach.
I place my size 6 on his arm. He lets out a muffled cry. Then begs for his life pleading, āplease donāt kill me, I was desperate. You would have done the same if you were in my shoes.ā
I stop and think. Yes, heās right I probably would have done the same but that still doesnāt excuse what he did. He has to die.
I turn to Elle and motion with my finger to turn around. The colour from Joes face drains, tears fill his weary eyes. Again he pleads but Iām playing deaf.
I drop my knee into the centre of his back, wrap my arms around his neck, lift his head then begin to squeeze tightly. Iām like a python holding its prey. The more he struggled the more I increased my grip until I felt the life literally leaving his body. His body becomes limp. I listen to his last breath leave his body saying, ānow be with your family Joe.ā
I turn to Elle. She still has her back turned to me but I can hear her whimpering which annoys the hell out of me. Doesnāt she realise if Iād let him live he could have tried to car jack us again and thatās something I didnāt need on my mind; Iāve enough worrying about the infected; so with Joe out the way Iāve one less thing to worry about.
Pfft, I donāt know, maybe when sheās older sheāll understand but until then sheās got a sharp learning curve ahead of her. She has to see the bad in people and not just the good. I have to be honest though her heart is pure and Iām not cut from motherly cloth and maybe sheād be better placed with somebody that knows how to love and show her the affection she deserves.
āElle! Come here girl.ā
She turns to face me; tears flood down her cheeks like minute waterfalls.
Elle! āWhat have I told you about those tears? Now turn them off; remember youāre my right hand girl and my little soldier and what donāt soldiers do?ā
Cry! She replies wiping the tears from her eyes.
I smile, āyes thatās right, and why donāt soldier cry?ā I ask.
āBecause it shows weakness, and weakness is easily exploitedā she replies.
I sigh, āthatās my girl, now come here ya daft bugger and give me a hugā I retort holding my arms out.
Bless her she doesnāt need to be asked twice and within a split second I felt her arms squeezing my waist and her head pressed tightly into my stomach.
I hold her tight. The warmth from her breath drifts up and caresses my cheeks almost as if she was kissing them but without actually kissing them if that makes any sense?
I hold her tight and let my fingers slip between her long locks of hair. If sheād been a kitten she would be purring right about now.
I shouldnāt mollycoddle her though because I need her to be strong so with that in mind I pull her arms from my waist and switch my mind set to soldier first then mother figure second and remove the cross bow from my back.
Her eyes widen as the aluminium frame catches the sun and glints before her eyes. She seems curious as I watch her eyes give it the once over.
Do you like it? I got it for you?ā I ask.
She smiles then shrugs, āyes itās lovely. What is it?ā she replies sheepishly.
Ha, ha, āso naĆÆve, itās a crossbow and today Iām going to learn you to fire this bad boy; would you like that?ā I ask.Ā
She smiles and runs her fingers over its elegant lines and replies āyeah, why not.ā And with that she extends her hands to receive it.
She checks its weight by jostling it up and down; ānice, nowhere as heavy as the gun you gave meā she says lifting the sight to her eye.
āRight little miss sunshine, back in your seat and letās find somewhere to fire this bad boyā I say with a smile.
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Comments
scary as hell Jeff!
lol, thanks, some feedback would be much appreciated as this book is nearly finished. let me know your thoughts, please.
cheers jeffĀ
Hi Ā Jeff Wow this is is really bloodthirsty, not really my typeĀ
of read Ā but i thought it was good i did think that he was a guy butĀ
three quarters through i find he isĀ Ā a woman Jane, no doubt that was explained
in the previous chapters. IĀ sort of got the story but maybe a prologueĀ
would have been good to read to point out the characters and story lineĀ
first then a chapter, it does hold you in suspense as to what will happen nextĀ
and lots of questions as to who was Joe why Ā are they in an ambulance
but there again that would probably be explained in the beginning.
My only critique i would say is maybe you over elaborate on the weaponsĀ
strength calibre just my opinion i did`nt think it was neededĀ
Jeff this is a great write as i said not my type of read perhaps TonyĀ
or Christopher would give you a better critique because of the subject matter
Ā I hope this goes well for you when you publish itĀ
You are a talented writer and a great story tellerĀ
Good luck and best wishes Ā DebsĀ
Ā
hi debs thanks for reading it and yes i can see your point was a bit silly to just drop chapter 3 in there lol. i have wrote a 50 shades type book and already wrote the sequel. its called melissa and can be found hereĀ www.widbook.com/ebook/dominatrix2 you can read it for free the sequel is on there too.
cheers jeff
Alright....Jeff! Very right on. In a tupe of post apocalyptic society we are thrust into this world in the first person view, clued into the situations and discovering what's going on as we go along. Riveting and complete with thrilling gore and the mysterious hero we already root for with her powerful fearlessness to protect and survive. I look forward to the completion of this book and long to know why and what happened. Very well written. It flows graciously and connects the reader with ease by the way our protagonist talks. You got something special and Iam impressed. Hope this helps, and I did see a few misspelled words and grammar but not much else. Good luck with this. Peace brother!
Thanks Devon, i appreciate you taking the time to read my chapter and giving some great feedback. i did like your story but felt it lacking that kick that makes the hairs stand up on the back of your neck as you read. a good horror sends a shiver down the spine. keep me updated as you write more i will follow it closely.
cheers jeff
Wow JEFF!!!!....I had no idea you were this good ......riveting sequences of gore and bloodlust...... taking the reader for a ride by sustaining a compelling dialogue.... but more importantly....... the narrative running through Jane's head is on fire with it's unbelievable calm and simultaneously ferocious protective nature over Elle........I Loved it brother......it's my kinda stuff........ my only problem was that a lot of the British terms sorta through me off...... had to figure out that a torch was a flashlight (minor stuff)........ and didn't trip me up long..... overall i'd say I was astonished at how well written this is........ it's the kind f thing that Hollywood makes into films.......I didn't read the first two chapters but I don't think I needed to...... it was compelling as hell seeing those things popping out of one another shit like that......I Love that you knew your weapons so well......I thought that it added authenticity and believability to the whole.......you've got a Knack for dialogue and THAT is not an easy thing to do.......... loved it brother....... keep me updated.....i'm curious....... bravo!!......LOVE and ROCKETS!!........T xo.Ā ?
Hi Tony. thanks for an honest feedback.i have actually finished this book now its gone in for final editing and will be out hopefully before christmas.
Cheers jeff
Jeff, you're a very good writer, first of all, animated style with that unique narrative engaging the reader, I like that a lot madeĀ meĀ feel like I wasĀ part of the story, a virtual reality scenario. Ā Yes I agree with Deborah about giving a plotĀ explanation, since this is the third chapter and I haven't read the previous two. Ā Took me a while to get aligned with the plot and realize the main character is a woman, that was a cool twist by the way. Ā I've never written prose from a woman's perspective, great idea. Ā The interaction between Jane and the little girl is a superb touch, you put in some fine details, and I liked the self loading cross bow description, it added more word pixels to bring higherĀ definition, I enjoy that sort of thing. Ā I remember my favorite writer John Updike using a description for an old woman's face, he said that her face was like folding up a brown paper bag into a ball and flattening it out again, that always stays in my head for some reason. Ā Your action sequences are riveting, a bit campy in places; pulling off the creatures head was more fun than frightening but certainly entertaining. Ā Your use of comedy is charming and disarming as well, I think of wiping off the arrows on your trousers, some good lines there....my friend, I enjoyed this chapter, yes it's violent, but certainly not theĀ dark, morbid kind, and again the main character makes you feel confident and part of the story, and that is not at all easy to do, I found that original and fresh....this is a superb read, you did suspend my disbelief, with yourĀ thrilling story tell, this is a fun ride... tribute my friend, very impressiveĀ