Black and blue

Black and blue eyes, purple and blue arms always beaten and abused in the way of harm. Scared and alone complete solitude for years, he prays on my every weakness and fears. I'm his workout nothing more than a punching bag. On my last wince I cry and beg. Knees shake, hands fidget, breathing quiet, eyes closed. Praying it's a horribble nightmare with my new broken nose. Leaving isn't an option for me. He loves me. He can be good some of the time. It's always my fault I should know better I walk the line, maybe I will do better the next day I could try. Lying awake coming up with new stories I cry. People never believe I hit the door knob to sad, to some it's kinda sad. Nobody understands our relationship, to everyone its pessimistic. I can be better things change, miricles happen im optimistic. My mom told me he would kill me but what does she know. He told me I had to chose him or her, I had to let her go. My friends hated him but its my fault I was told they are no good. They think I have been brainwashed and im in a cult. Why wont anyone believe he really does love me. Nobody in my life could see it so I had to let them be. I do deserve it when I dont do things right in his eyes. He starved me, I had ate to much and gained in size. I'm not allowed to wear make up, I am his not others eye candy. Once a man approached me and said "Hi, my name is Randy." That night he broke my arm. It was my fault for being attractive. It didnt matter I didn't say anything. Don't judge him, he isn't abusive. As I'm laying in the kitchen bleeding in a puddle, I think of all the time we used to cuddle, trying to hold my stomache with blood flowing out.
I see a light and i can't even shout. It was my fault I knew better than to run, im just lucky he didn't shoot me with a gun. Standing over my dying body he starts kicking me for getting his floor bloody. Feeling completley cold fading into my death. He is an amazing man you should see him off meth.
Kicking my in my face breaking every tooth. Maybe someone someday will know the truth. I see now I didn't deserve this at all, now that its all done I know I could have stood tall. I wish I would have left when I had the chance be with my friends and dance. My last breath was long and problematic, my last thought was... why did my life have to be so dramatic.